(Closed) How far in advance are you on your ILs calendar?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How far in advance do your ILs usually make family plans?
    They call the same day about 5 minutes before : (5 votes)
    9 %
    A day, or two, maybe three : (11 votes)
    20 %
    A week or so : (9 votes)
    17 %
    1 month : (7 votes)
    13 %
    2 - 4 months : (11 votes)
    20 %
    4 - 6 months : (2 votes)
    4 %
    6 - 8 months : (3 votes)
    6 %
    8 - 10 months : (0 votes)
    10 - 12 months : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Depends on the occasion: usually a week or two if it’s something they really want us to come to, like DH’s Grams’ family birthday dinner, a day or two to have brunch or lunch, and like 8 months for big family vacations (but was necessary to book the beach house that far in advance).

    Post # 4
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Usually a couple months. We live several states away so its better if we plan that far in advance. They decided to come out for Thanksgiving late last week though (arrive today and stay for a week). I’m a little annoyed about the lack of notice and how long they will be here but I’ll get over it.

    Post # 5
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    They call the same day, expecting us to drop all plans.

    Post # 6
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We have the opposite problem.  My in-laws are completely incapable of making any plans ahead of time.  Usually plans are finalized two days ahead of time and sometimes even the day before.  It used to drive me crazy.  But I came to a point where I told Darling Husband that if they can’t make plans ahead of time then they should not expect me or us to alter any plans we may already have when they want to do something.  

    On the other hand we never do anything big with the in-laws so all plans usually involve dinner or a holiday celebration at most.  I can’t even imagine what a cluster F it would be to try to plan a vacation with them.

    Post # 7
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Before Darling Husband and I started dating (which was a little less than 3 years ago), they would call him a day or so before, once plans were already coordinated, and tell him what was going on. Darling Husband was normally single, and the only one of his siblings with no kids, so normally it didn’t matter.

    Well, I’m a bit of a planner, plus we were trying to incorporate each other into the other one’s family plans, so that drove me crazy.  Darling Husband never said anything about it, and there were many times we split for the holiday/plans, b/c of overlapping schedules. 

    Finally, last Christmas they did this again (told us when they were celebrating a few days before, after working it out with the other siblings, even though I’d asked for a few weeks what was going on), and we had already committed going to my side during that time period.  I could tell they were annoyed they had to reschedule, but it was the thing they needed to hear and now we’re included in the scheduling which seem to be made a few weeks before. 

    I’m more than willing to work out a compromise, but can’t always do that if you only find out shortly before.

    Post # 8
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Eh I don’t think there is anything wrong with arranging things way ahead of time. Much more likely people will show.

    I like to know at least a week in advance if someone is planning a party or something. 

    Post # 9
    687 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m in the same boat as missmorgan and MadTown. ILs and the entire rest of SO’s rather large extended family seem to be perfectly content deciding fairly last minute what their plans are. It drives me crazy and really irritates me because I have a lot of things to juggle and I don’t want to be expected to just drop my plans because they finally got their act together. No way. It’s like nobody else has other hobbies or things to do with their lives and so they are cool with not planning ahead. That doesn’t work for me and I find it a bit odd, which in return creates friction at times. OP, I can’t imagine planning months or even a year ahead of time!

    Post # 10
    2450 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    i’ve only seen my Mother-In-Law twice, so his side is not a problem.

    My family though… i WISH they would plan that far ahead. i don’t have a set work schedule that’s the same every week. it changes. and i can’t just take off once it’s been posted. i have told my family time and time again that i need a month’s notice to ask for time off work… and they always tell me about family plans the week of… so i miss everything.

    Post # 11
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I have the OPPOSTIE issue with my Future In-Laws….I Do Love them to death. THey live in Pahrump, which is about an hour away from here. But they will call and say “We are in town wanna meet for lunch or dinner or a movie”. Umm sure like when?” “LIke now! LOL. WE are usually pretty busy people and if we aren’t doing anything (rare) of course we will meet them, but geese it’s like you couldn’t call before you left Pahrump and give us the hour to at least get ready? Wouldn’t trade my FIL’s for the world though:) I adore them!!!

    Post # 12
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    My Future In-Laws don’t make any plans…we visit them 1-2 times a year.

    Post # 13
    2748 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I don’t have any experience with Future In-Laws planning big things outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Whenever they want us over, they just generally say they’d like to see us for dinner then leave it up to us to determine the night. They’re quite older, though, and with six grown children spread across region with whom to coordinate, I don’t anticipate any vacation-esque plans.

    Post # 14
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    It’s usually a day or so but since they live an hour away they just call sometime during the week to see if we can come on the weekend.


    Post # 15
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Au Jardin:  9 months? It wasn’t even easter when they started asking about thanksgiving!

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