(Closed) How far in advance do you need to communicate?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
40 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think the honorary Maid/Matron of Honor is okay, too.  I think communicating it all with her earlier on than later is probably best, too.  That way she can make the decision for herself, and maybe you can take the pressure off of her. 

I also debated on having a Maid/Matron of Honor who was out of town who I didn’t want her to fly in multiple times to help plan.  I know in the end she does want to help and do more, but circumstances make it difficult.  I think also my bridesmaids have been super helpful with the planning process that my Maid/Matron of Honor can actually just come in and perhaps just help out on the wedding day.

I would just tell the other BMs the situation, and hopefully they will understand and you can divide out the duties between them.

Post # 4
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

ASAP. I haven’t had my sit down “meeting” with my ladies yet. I am having a Spa Day so that it can be relaxed and not feel like I am holding a lecture. But I have voiced a few of my concerns and the big details like the date, time, ideas for my Bridal Shower, their attire, etc. A few have even gone with me to Bridal Shows already. We did all meet up at David’s a few months back so that they could try on their dresses and get their sizes in the system.

Post # 5
374 posts
Helper bee

Have 1 Maid/Matron of Honor and as far as giving people responsibilities go for showers, bachelorette parties, my experience has been to let family organize it, pay for it, but put ‘given by bridesmaids’.  Also, you can do a bachelorette party during school break or the summer.  The wedding doesn’t have to dovetail the bachelorette party.

Best of luck

Post # 6
348 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, though, I would wait until she hears from grad schools.  In my program, at least, it’s been really competitive this year – we’re admitting 30% fewer people than got in my year, because of budget cuts.  So even if she’s stellar, there’s a chance she won’t get in where she wants to go.  Waiting till April (and, by the way, depending on the kind of program, she might well hear earlier) would still give you more than six months.  Until then, maybe you can say something like, “I know I want you to be in the wedding party, but we haven’t decided what everyone’s roles will be yet.”

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