Post # 1
After reading multiple threads over the past 3 years of me being a member of WeddingBee, I’ve noticed that the trend (at least appears to be) with phone calls from parents are often frequent, and for many couples, too frequent.
My husband and I (we’ve been married a little over two years) are bothered by how infrequently our parents actually initiate contact with us. We currently live out of state, and I guess we assumed our parents would be more interested/concerned about us. We’re certainly not expecting them to call us daily, or even multiple times per week. But we both have cell phones and skype, so it isn’t like we’re hard to get in touch with. I also feel like we’re relatively young (24 and 26) for our parents to stay in touch with so infrequently.
I used to call my mother at least 3 or 4 times a week to catch up on what was going on with the family, our hometown, my parents, etc. and to catch her up on what was going on with us. Once I realized that my parents weren’t ever initiating conversation, I thought perhaps my phone calls were too frequent and stopped calling. Now I’ve noticed my mother never calls. Essentially the same thing has happened with my husband’s contact with his mother. I lived at home when my sister moved out of state and noticed my mom called her at least a few times a week, so I have no idea why my parents aren’t calling.
I should also say that each of our parents have only visited us one time. My parents came down a year ago and my husband’s mother came down about 9 months ago. I practically begged my parents to come down this year for Thanksgiving but they won’t. I’m in a graduate program with 30 or so 20-somethings and it seems their parents visit multiple times a year and call at least a few times a week.
Are we selfish in expecting more parent contact? I should say that we go back to our hometown every 2-3 months for a weekend visit, so it isn’t like we never see them. It just seems like any contact we have is from us initiating it.
Just curious to see if this is typical or atypical?
Post # 3
I usually talk to my dad once a week. He talks to his parents maybe every 2 weeks and I talk to them less often. His parents haven’t come to visit us since living here for two years, my dad has come a few times now.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
My mom and my grandmother talk literally every day. Haha. My grandmother has actually called me before because she can’t get in contact with my mom and wants to make sure everything is ok. It’s funny. My mom enjoys talking to my grandmother so it’s not overbearing to her.
I talk to my mom probably every other day. It works for us.
Post # 5
Perhaps since your a married adult now, the ball is in your court! The whole cleve from your parents bit .
If you enjoy talking to mom and dad, give em a call! ( unless of course they are ignoring you or sound like they don’t want to talk- thats a diff story)
I call my mom almost every day- sometimes less . She doesn’t necessarily initiate but she knows Im busy, so she waits for my call. Maybe thats what your family thinks- they don’t know when a good time to call is?
Post # 6
My Fi had a heart attack last week and nobody from my family even called to see how he’s doing. Yep. That kind of family.
Post # 7
@SandyDollHair: What! I’m so sorry to hear about your Fiance…….
Post # 8
I talk to my mama too many times to count. We have a close relationship. We mainly talk during the day. My husband doesn’t talk to his parents everyday, but he does a few times a week.
Post # 9
I talk to my parents once a week. This started in college and has continued. Usually talk about 10-20 minutes and that is about it.
Post # 10
I live about 3 hours away from my parents. They used to call me at least once a week, more when I was living alone. Now that I’m living with my husband, they don’t call as often. My mom feels like it’s safer when I’m living with a guy, and she also knows I’m busy. They have come and visited a few times since I have moved here, but I usually visit them. I have an apartment, they have a house. It’s easier that way. My sister lives in a town nearby and they call and visit her about the same amount.
DH’s parents probably call at least once a week. FIL has been here once, when Darling Husband moved in. MIL doesn’t like to travel, and she doesn’t like to sleep anywhere but her own place. I’m hoping that they will visit when we get a house.
If you’d like them to call more often, could you just ask them? They might feel like they are intruding or taking up too much of your time.
Post # 11
My mom – a few times a week usually. Sometimes once a week.
DH’s family – once every three months, sometimes less.
Post # 12
My mom and I talk several times daily. We are very close. Fiance teases me about it. Sometimes it annoys him even. I’m a phone talker in general though, so he gets annoyed I’m on the phone all the time in general.
I talk to FI’s mom more than he does, or either one of his sisters too, lol! Probably once a week at least.
He doesn’t talk to his parents on the phone unless he has a specific reason to call. We see both of our families pretty often though, weekly at least.
Post # 13
Well, we have a 7 week old so both of our parents call daily…. but it’s to hear how she’s doing, not to talk to us!
Before she came along we’d talk to them pretty much daily anyway though. We’re both oddly close with our parents. We live 30 minutes from each of them and used to see them once a week. Now we see my parents pretty much daily and his once or twice a week.
Post # 14
My parents our both deceased, but I do talk to at least one of my siblings, every week. I live hundreds of miles from all of them. My Fiance and I talk to my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law about 3-4 times a week, and probably see them once every 2 weeks (they live about 30 miles from us). My Fiance does talk to his brother every single day, actually several times a day. They are best friends as well as brothers and everytime there is something funny on tv or in the news they feel the need to share. Honestly, they are worse then junior high girls when it comes to being on the phone together. But, I’m use to it, and so is his brothers wife. Luckilly, I love them all so it really isn’t a big issue.
Post # 15
I live several hours from home in a different state. My parents will call me maybe 2x/month. Like you I also go home about every 2 months for a weekend visit. In 8 years my parents have visited once. They hate driving on the highway and staying at hotels (not sure they even own luggage).
There are a few things that might be happening. Some people hate talking on the phone. They may feel they are interfering in your married life by calling so much, or that you are so busy they don’t want to be a bother. Also, if you are the ones who moved away, they may feel the ball is in your court with initiating contact.
Maybe you could set up a regular time to call, like Sunday nights or Sat afternoons or some other time that works for both of you.
Post # 16
We both talk to our parents almost every day (or I talk to my mom almost every day, and my dad gets on the phone maybe three times a week). It’s been like that for years, since I went away to college. We’re both close to our parents. If it’s been more than 48 hours and we haven’t spoken to our parents, we’re both looking at each other like, “Uh oh, what’s wrong?”