(Closed) How gracious do I have to be? UGH!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry, but I haven’t ever been to one or hosted one where the groom didn’t come at the end. How will you get your gifts home without any help? They usually come close to the end, say hello to everyone and maybe get something to eat,and then load up the car with the gifts.

I think your parents are right.

Post # 4
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@ItWasntMe: And I have never been to a bridal shower where the Fiance DID show up, never. In my experience when reading this I found it strange that it was such an importance, apparently bridal showers are done differently in some places?

Post # 5
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is there a specific reason he can’t drop by? Fiance and I didn’t have anyone request it, but he dropped by at the end to say hello to everyone (especially his grandma who came into town for it) and to ooh and aah over the gifts. 

It seems like kind of a small request to me. Even if you didn’t ask for/want a shower, you accepted and a lot of people are going to be working hard to do something nice for you guys. 

Post # 6
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well, my husband was in Vegas at his stag the same weekend I had my shower, but I’m trying to wrack my brain about whether grooms showed up to other showers I’ve attended, and can’t say I really even remember.  I guess it would be a nice thing, and would be great if he can give you a hand, but if he’s not available, I don’t think it’s the end of the world.

Post # 7
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

If he has plans he has plans. My Darling Husband didn’t come to my shower and I don’t think anyone was offended. I’ve been to showers where the Fiance has and has not shown up, I don’t see what it has to do with the couple being gracious. Isn’t that what thank you cards are for?

Post # 8
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have never been to a shower where the groom is required to show up for even five minutes. Isn’t that why it’s called a “bridal shower”?

I don’t think it should be an issue at all.

Post # 9
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have never been to a shower where the groom showed up. It must be a regional thing. 

Post # 10
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I never been to a bridal shower where Fiance showed up because often the showers are a bachelorette/bridal shower.  The last thing Fiance wants to have to do is have him Mom inquire about the crotchless underwear.lmao


Post # 11
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I also have never been to a shower where the groom showed up.  I would probably be really confused if he did.  And I take it the person hosting the shower determined a date without consulting your FI’s calendar, so he can’t be expected to drop all his plans to stop by.  I was going to say maybe you can write the hostess a thank-you note afterwards and your Fiance can sign his name too…but even that seems odd to me, since it’s a bridal shower.

Post # 12
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No grooms at any showers I’ve been to, either. Unfortunately, I doubt your parents will be swayed by our responses 🙁

If your Fiance has plans during the shower, what if he offers to help them set up beforehand or something like that?

Post # 13
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I never heard of a groom to be coming to a shower…I thought they were typically a female thing. If your Fiance cannot make it, can he sign his name on the thank you cards or make a small note that he was sorry he could not attend but he appreciate the wonderful gifts? Or maybe have him call and put him on speaker and he can quickly say thanks for attending and all the gifts and ‘see you at the wedding’…something like that?

Post # 14
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m in the camp of the others, where I have NEVER seen the groom show up….

But in your situation, I agree w/ another poster, that perhaps if he writes a thank you note to your hostess. Or, maybe even record a short 1 min video w/ his thank you; this would appease your parents.

Post # 15
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This must be a regional/cultural thing. In our circle, the groom does show up at the very end with flowers and to help with the gifts and to thank everyone for coming.

If your parents are used to this and are more traditional (as parents are!) try not to be too hard on them. Tell them again your FH has plans he can’t get out of and that’s that.

ETA – great idea tha the can sign his name to the thank you cards. Get one of the groomsmen to come over and help you take the gifts home.

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