(Closed) How hard is it *really* going from 1 to 2?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Just think about going to the grocery store without your husband.  When one is a baby, and therefore in the cart, what will you do with the toddler?  Expect him or her to very calmly walk beside you?  lol

Yea, it’s a lot harder.

Post # 3
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sunshine09:  I have an 8 month old and I’m now pregnant with our second. My husband and I went into this family building thing with a “let’s just jump in and get it over with” attitude. We had so many friends say “Just wait until you have one! You will be singing a different tune before considering a second one.” Nope!

As it is with anything, when your situation changes, you adapt and figure it out. That’s what we’re doing. We are planners so we plan for the things we can control like saving for daycare (will be going from $325 a week to $650 a week with 2 kids) and figuring out if we want them to sleep apart for the first few months (so readying a second baby room). We will figure out the rest when we get there. People have 2, 4, 8 kids and they get through it. Think about it, and plan, but be flexible and roll with it.

Post # 4
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think it depends on the age gap.

my first is seven my second is one. I find it just as difficult as the first go but no more so. But my seven year old has become relatively self sufficient and has never had a temper tantrum, and is a pretty mellow quiet one so you hardly know she’s there. So I’ve got it relatively easy. My one year old on the other hand has thrown countless tantrums already. Toddlerhood I gonna be rough I’m sure. Doing it with a baby or another toddler would probably be much more difficult. So I really think the age difference plays a major role

Post # 5
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You will survive. There will be days that you will said what the f… I was thinking. Mother if three here 🙂 eventually everything passs, the chaos, the sleepiness nights. My husband is child number 14 out of 20. And they did alright. You got this

Post # 6
Member
8962 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sunshine09:  It really is a lot harder. If you’re debating whether to have a second or not, I’d think long and hard about the pros and cons. If you’re pretty sure you want another and are considering the timing of it, there are pros and cons there too of course, but I am very glad mine were close. It was tough having an infant and toddler together, and it’s tough having two moody teens at the same time, but my kids are so close. They had teachers in common, they have friends in common, they have interests in common. And I’ll be honest, the teen years are HARD and it’s a relief for me to see light at the end of the tunnel. I know a family with 3 kids all 8 years apart. I guess it works for them, but there is no way in hell I could look at my 16 year old and say “2 more of this over the next 16 years of my life? Oh boy, I can’t wait!” Sorry — I love my kids, they’re the world to me, but I do look forward to having MY life back at some point before I’m 60.

Post # 7
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

For us it was not harder at all. Nearly 4 years separate our sons and our older son is very easy going and well behaved. Nothing like our second one lol. When the baby got a little older the boys entertained one another. For us having two was actually easier than one. 

Post # 8
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

I’ve asked all of my family members and parents of only children and they ALL said have at least two children. 

In my Uncle’s words, who has an only child, “It was easier for us but it would have been nicer for katelyn(my cousin) to have somebody to complain about Mom and Dad with and play kid games with. Definitely have at least 2 if you can.”

Post # 9
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Daisy_Mae:  

You are so right about the teenage years. I totally agree with everything you wrote!

 

Post # 10
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Blue Hound Farm

MelissainNC:  they have carts designed for more than one kid. The little cars are awesome. You can also wear baby when still little. Totally doable.

Post # 11
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

cherryiice:  Our local store has exactly 1.  If it’s not available, then you’re SOL.  Lucky for you that your store must be better equipped!

Nonetheless, it is a lot harder having a baby and a toddler than just a toddler alone.  Sure, there are some benefits to the kids as well, but that is not what the OP asked.

ETA:  My experience is with my grandkids — I only have 1 child, which is a choice I actively made.  But I have a 2.5 year old granddaughter and a 5 month old grandson, and it is not easy even though I only babysit once a week or so!  (And I’m only 45, so it’s not as if “advanced age” is the problem.)

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  MelissainNC.
Post # 12
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

Sunshine09:  I say make the age gap bigger. First, my SIL got pregnant with child #2 at about the time my nephew was 9 months old. By the time baby #2 came along, my nephew was really distressed by it and didn’t understand.

I think that they say the ideal age gap is 4 years.

My brother and SIL did not follow that advice, and they have three children in diapers. One is 3, one is 2, and one is 4 months old.

The 2 and 3 year old are sweet kids, but BOY can they fight. There’s a lot of bickering, toy stealing, and whining when one has something the other wants. I would not sign myself up for that.

Post # 13
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Lol that a reason to not have more than one is grocery shopping

Post # 14
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

As far as the grocery store goes, you can actually do three without anyone walking if you have a big enough cart – wear one, put one in the seat, and put the third in the basket section (yeah i know unsafe but somehow we all survived it just fine lol). 

You just adjust.  Personally, I’m hoping to have mine close together because handling babies and toddlers is easier when you’re in that mindset.  I find it much harder being used to kids that are older.  My brothers are two years apart and I often watched them when they were babies/toddlers and if my sixteen year old self can manage it, you can too 🙂

Post # 15
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

TaurianDoll:  Our attitude was exactly the same — just get the whole “parents of very small children” part of our lives over with and then never have to do it again! I am pregnant with #2 and they will be just shy of two years apart.

I talked to a few moms about this recently, and the consensus was basically “it will be very hard for the first 7-8 months or so. But once they are both sleeping through the night and the little one gets mobile enough to sort of play with the older one, it’s cake.”

I can handle a few months of suck!

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