(Closed) How hard should a bride work for the guest list?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We wanted to include the names of SO’s when possible, but we did have a couple of friends who 1) have not yet joined the 20th century (i.e. do not text or facebook) and 2) have long-term girlfriends whose last names we can’t spell. We used facebook or looking through old emails whenever possible to find the correct spelling, but basically when we decided it was envelope printing time, it was envelope printing time and we weren’t going to wait because one or two people hadn’t gotten back to us.  In those cases, we just sent our friends the invites and told the verbally that their girlfriends were invited.

We also missed a couple of people just because their relationships happened to get going or get serious after we made our lists and sent out our invites.  I’m honestly not offended when guests ask me if they can bring a significant other (assuming that person is significant and not just a random date).

Post # 4
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

While I can’t speak for the person who didn’t invite you, I think it is kind of rude.  My rule of thumb is married, engaged, or living together long term. If your SO is close with this guy, maybe he can bring you up in conversation and let the guy know you two are talking about maariage. If that doesn’t change his mind about inviting you it might just be a money thing. 

My fiance’s coworker got married in February and I wasn’t invited.  She is older and had a small wedding so I wasn’t upset.  However, what I found to be rude was that she asked him to take another coworker of his who was single as his date so that they would not have to come alone.  I thought that was really stupid and made no sense.

We have people on our guest list whom we didn’t know their SO’s last name or proper spelling. So we texted them or someone that would know for sure.  Facebook is another good resource! There really aren’t excuses for that.  If they are coming to your wedding, you should know their name unless it’s a attendant’s guest you have never met or heard of before. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Everyone that was in a relationship I found out spellings and names on facebook or just by asking their SO. If they are single I put and guest so they knew that they could bring someone if they wanted!!

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@MsBrooklynA: Eh, I’ll have to disagree. If you’re running against a deadline, and you have to rely on someone else to give you the name/last name of another person…. things get hairy. I didn’t care if I was put as “FI & MyFirst” name for an invitation when I was engaged. So they don’t know my last name? Who cares. Even if they knew me very well, but didn’t have me as a friend on FB or whatver. I addresses several invitations as “SO & FirstName” or “SO & Guest”. If it bothered them, then sorry. I was trying to be nice even inviting them in the first place.

I tried my hardest to spell everything correctly and make sure I had as much information as possible. But when it comes down to it, my Darling Husband wasn’t the quickest in turn around when I had questions. And neither was my Mother-In-Law. So that’s what happens when you rely on other people. Granted, I don’t really have “expectations” when it comes to etiquette. I go with the flow for the most part.

Post # 8
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@kperry3: I’m in the same boat as you.

Plus, I’d rather have them put “SO & MyFirstName” than “SO + 1” or “SO and Guest.”

Post # 10
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@MsBrooklynA: We didn’t address any invites “and guest” or “+1”. If we didn’t even know the name of the person’s SO, then obviously we didn’t know them well enough to warrant an invite. We invited married and engaged couples only. We had requests for gf’s and bf’s but they had been together for like a month so that was quickly shot down. I do think it’s a bit rude that you weren’t mentioned but perhaps their cutoff was engaged couples? Have you spoken to your Boyfriend or Best Friend about it?

Post # 11
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ugh, my Darling Husband was a big pain in the butt with getting names.  I would remind him to get names but it wouldn’t be important to him to do so. Plus, some of his family and some of my family were so up in the air with who they were going to bring that I just went with “plus guest.” I tried my hardest to get names by using FB and emails. But for ones that were hard to get of hold of, sorry, you got the ‘plus guest.’  Ehh, they still came anyway.

I might just be jaded because my whole guest list situation was a big pain in the butt! My Mother-In-Law was difficult, his family and my family were annoying, too.

Sorry, to say this but, in this day in age where there are certain rules to why someone would get a guest,  I would be happy to just to be able to bring a guest.

ETA: I gave ‘+guest’ to engaged/ married and in a long relationship couples.  I also allowed everyone in my wedding party to bring a guest.  That’s where it got hairy because I wasn’t sure if my brother was still with his gf. But wanted to give my brother and other people in my wedding party the ability to bring someone. Then it was one of my BM’s who was a cousin of my Darling Husband and at the time I had no idea if she was dating anyone. Then the best man, my BIL, was with his on again off again gf.  Yeah, it was a nice gesture to allow wedding party to bring a guest but it was a pain in the butt.

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The last three or four wedding invites I’ve gotten have either been addressed to Miss Kerensa Lastname & Jack or Mr Jack Lastname & Kerensa. It seems no one really bothers to figure out the last name.

I have done this myself too when addressing Xmas cards to couples who are living togeter and not married (or my married friend, as I couldn’t remember if she took his last name or not).

Post # 13
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@MsBrooklynA: Yea, I understand the frustration. But I guess I’m more laid back, so it’s not a big deal for me. If it came from his family I would be annoyed though. Like they’re not acknowledging that we’re together (and will stay together) or something. I say this, because my brother was on and off with this girl for the longest time… so I didn’t want to put her name on the invitation. I wanted to put “& Guest” because I knew they weren’t going to be together… it’s just the nature of their relationship. Well this pissed off not only my mom, but my Darling Husband as well. He said I was rude to put “& Guest” so that my brother could “keep his options open”. Yea, I felt really bad after I suggested that. But I honestly only invited her because she was with my brother.

Who ended up being right? ME!!!! They totally broke up for good before my wedding. And she came because she had already sent int he RSVP (my mom made me give her a personal invitation). But who still ended up being the total ass? ME! I was being a rude bridezilla at the time and not thinking about anyone’s feelings. Boo. I really do feel guilty.

Post # 14
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What would you do about someone who changes boyfriends frequently? Would you put their current boyfriend on the invitation, and hope that they were still dating at the time of the wedding, or put “+ guest”? 

Also, for us, we got our guest’s SO’s names when we could, and put them on the invitations.

Post # 16
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@MsBrooklynA: Baha, because she already bought the plane ticket I suppose! We live 10 hours away from my family… it was a little weird that she was there. But apparently she is a “friend of the family” now. Um, ok.

I hope you get this all figured out! Were you not invited at all? Or did they put “& Guest”?

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