Post # 1
SO just received a reception invitation in the mail from a couple I believe did a Destination Wedding and is now having an at home reception. This person is someone I am vaguely familiar with. I have met home once or twice but he played softball with my SO for 3 years. This man knows that my SO has a SO.
I am not upset that I was not invited to the wedding as I’m sure I would know very few people there but I do find it off putting that we are what I would consider a pretty tight social unit and I was not included on the invitation. We have been together for over 4 years, living together for 3 and planning to get engaged very soon, not that he knows that. There have been other instances with the two of us being invited to things where people have either put SO and guest or SO and MsBrooklynA No last name included. I find this slightly rude. Especially when you have such easy access to the internet and texting is so easy. Why wouldn’t you just ask for the persons name or proper spelling of their last name?
As a bride, what rule of thumb did you use? Social units only include the engaged and married, or married, engaged and living together? Also, did you deem it important to include the SO’s name and spell it correctly and was it a lot of extra work to track down this information? I have told SO many many times that when we start making up our list I will do my damnedest to include the SO’s name to the best of my ability within reason.
Post # 3
We wanted to include the names of SO’s when possible, but we did have a couple of friends who 1) have not yet joined the 20th century (i.e. do not text or facebook) and 2) have long-term girlfriends whose last names we can’t spell. We used facebook or looking through old emails whenever possible to find the correct spelling, but basically when we decided it was envelope printing time, it was envelope printing time and we weren’t going to wait because one or two people hadn’t gotten back to us. In those cases, we just sent our friends the invites and told the verbally that their girlfriends were invited.
We also missed a couple of people just because their relationships happened to get going or get serious after we made our lists and sent out our invites. I’m honestly not offended when guests ask me if they can bring a significant other (assuming that person is significant and not just a random date).
Post # 4
While I can’t speak for the person who didn’t invite you, I think it is kind of rude. My rule of thumb is married, engaged, or living together long term. If your SO is close with this guy, maybe he can bring you up in conversation and let the guy know you two are talking about maariage. If that doesn’t change his mind about inviting you it might just be a money thing.
My fiance’s coworker got married in February and I wasn’t invited. She is older and had a small wedding so I wasn’t upset. However, what I found to be rude was that she asked him to take another coworker of his who was single as his date so that they would not have to come alone. I thought that was really stupid and made no sense.
We have people on our guest list whom we didn’t know their SO’s last name or proper spelling. So we texted them or someone that would know for sure. Facebook is another good resource! There really aren’t excuses for that. If they are coming to your wedding, you should know their name unless it’s a attendant’s guest you have never met or heard of before.
Post # 5
@Entangled: I can totally understand that after making at least an attempt at including their names you were unable to actually put them personally on the invitation. I think it was extra nice that you went out of your way to let them know as well that you did want their girlfriends involved as well. I can also understand that sometimes people slip under the rug but at that point they are new enough where they should not feel slighted or like you were intentionally leaving their names off the invitation.
@mrs.josh: They aren’t even super close which is why I’m not mad. I don’t need to go it’s really not necessary but it was the fact that I am not some flavor of the week and I feel like that should be acknowledged and respected by others. Maybe, or most likely, it is the waiting be in me wanting people to recognize us as a social unit that drives me so crazy when people do this. I think the first and best place to check is facebook as well. I get frustrated knowing it takes so very little time to hop on there and find out the name and correct spelling of someone’s SO.
Post # 6
Everyone that was in a relationship I found out spellings and names on facebook or just by asking their SO. If they are single I put and guest so they knew that they could bring someone if they wanted!!
Post # 7
@MsBrooklynA: Eh, I’ll have to disagree. If you’re running against a deadline, and you have to rely on someone else to give you the name/last name of another person…. things get hairy. I didn’t care if I was put as “FI & MyFirst” name for an invitation when I was engaged. So they don’t know my last name? Who cares. Even if they knew me very well, but didn’t have me as a friend on FB or whatver. I addresses several invitations as “SO & FirstName” or “SO & Guest”. If it bothered them, then sorry. I was trying to be nice even inviting them in the first place.
I tried my hardest to spell everything correctly and make sure I had as much information as possible. But when it comes down to it, my Darling Husband wasn’t the quickest in turn around when I had questions. And neither was my Mother-In-Law. So that’s what happens when you rely on other people. Granted, I don’t really have “expectations” when it comes to etiquette. I go with the flow for the most part.
Post # 8
@kperry3: I’m in the same boat as you.
Plus, I’d rather have them put “SO & MyFirstName” than “SO + 1” or “SO and Guest.”
Post # 9
@kperry3: This is part of why I’m trying not to be too miffed about it. I know that the guest list is some of the most work of all the wedding planning so I can see how it gets time consuming to hunt down all this extra information. I guess my main frustration when people put just my first name on an invitation is it comes from SO’s family members, like his aunts. They know my last name and can easily ask his mom how to spell it.
I think if you can make the effort to add people’s names it adds that personal touch and makes people feel like you want them there. I don’t know why but when someone put’s “And guest” on an invitation I always feel a little strange about it. Like they didn’t really want me to attend. I think that is just my twisted sense of self though, not actually the truth.
Post # 10
@MsBrooklynA: We didn’t address any invites “and guest” or “+1”. If we didn’t even know the name of the person’s SO, then obviously we didn’t know them well enough to warrant an invite. We invited married and engaged couples only. We had requests for gf’s and bf’s but they had been together for like a month so that was quickly shot down. I do think it’s a bit rude that you weren’t mentioned but perhaps their cutoff was engaged couples? Have you spoken to your Boyfriend or Best Friend about it?
Post # 11
Ugh, my Darling Husband was a big pain in the butt with getting names. I would remind him to get names but it wouldn’t be important to him to do so. Plus, some of his family and some of my family were so up in the air with who they were going to bring that I just went with “plus guest.” I tried my hardest to get names by using FB and emails. But for ones that were hard to get of hold of, sorry, you got the ‘plus guest.’ Ehh, they still came anyway.
I might just be jaded because my whole guest list situation was a big pain in the butt! My Mother-In-Law was difficult, his family and my family were annoying, too.
Sorry, to say this but, in this day in age where there are certain rules to why someone would get a guest, I would be happy to just to be able to bring a guest.
ETA: I gave ‘+guest’ to engaged/ married and in a long relationship couples. I also allowed everyone in my wedding party to bring a guest. That’s where it got hairy because I wasn’t sure if my brother was still with his gf. But wanted to give my brother and other people in my wedding party the ability to bring someone. Then it was one of my BM’s who was a cousin of my Darling Husband and at the time I had no idea if she was dating anyone. Then the best man, my BIL, was with his on again off again gf. Yeah, it was a nice gesture to allow wedding party to bring a guest but it was a pain in the butt.
Post # 12
The last three or four wedding invites I’ve gotten have either been addressed to Miss Kerensa Lastname & Jack or Mr Jack Lastname & Kerensa. It seems no one really bothers to figure out the last name.
I have done this myself too when addressing Xmas cards to couples who are living togeter and not married (or my married friend, as I couldn’t remember if she took his last name or not).
Post # 13
@MsBrooklynA: Yea, I understand the frustration. But I guess I’m more laid back, so it’s not a big deal for me. If it came from his family I would be annoyed though. Like they’re not acknowledging that we’re together (and will stay together) or something. I say this, because my brother was on and off with this girl for the longest time… so I didn’t want to put her name on the invitation. I wanted to put “& Guest” because I knew they weren’t going to be together… it’s just the nature of their relationship. Well this pissed off not only my mom, but my Darling Husband as well. He said I was rude to put “& Guest” so that my brother could “keep his options open”. Yea, I felt really bad after I suggested that. But I honestly only invited her because she was with my brother.
Who ended up being right? ME!!!! They totally broke up for good before my wedding. And she came because she had already sent int he RSVP (my mom made me give her a personal invitation). But who still ended up being the total ass? ME! I was being a rude bridezilla at the time and not thinking about anyone’s feelings. Boo. I really do feel guilty.
Post # 14
What would you do about someone who changes boyfriends frequently? Would you put their current boyfriend on the invitation, and hope that they were still dating at the time of the wedding, or put “+ guest”?
Also, for us, we got our guest’s SO’s names when we could, and put them on the invitations.
Post # 15
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: We did briefly speak about it but because I barely know the people it wasn’t something I thought we should argue with them about.
@ttn133: I know that as a guest you don’t always know how hard it is for the bride sometimes. I think that you tried your best checking facebook and talking to the few people who would respond and that is all the more you can do. Why is it that the people who want their guests invited the worst are the ones who are the biggest pain in the butts about getting that stuff together?
@kperry3: Those family relationships are so hard sometimes! I know so often we want this to be a happy time so we don’t want to upset someone but sometimes it’s like where do you draw the line. I would think that would have been a little weird for the ex to be there. Why would she even come?
@SleepingWithNuns:I think that it is appropriate to add a name to the invitation when it is a long term relationship or when they are living together. If you cannot keep a boy/girlfriend for more than a week I’m not going to try to keep up with you. I’m not saying EVERYONES name should be all over the invitation but as we are very serious about one another I feel that people should take the time to figure out what my name is.
Post # 16
@MsBrooklynA: Baha, because she already bought the plane ticket I suppose! We live 10 hours away from my family… it was a little weird that she was there. But apparently she is a “friend of the family” now. Um, ok.
I hope you get this all figured out! Were you not invited at all? Or did they put “& Guest”?