(Closed) How hard was it to go from “mine” to “ours”?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

well, I’m not quite married yet, but yeah, it’s hard! I keep calling it “my wedding” and Fiance is like, “um, excuse me?” lol…

Post # 5
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am not married yet but I don’t think it will be hard. Things are already not “his” everything he owns has become “mine” lol. I am so kind I even let him drive “my” truck as long as he promises not to wreck it. It doesn’t matter that he made the down payment and makes the truck payments. It is still “mine”. It cracks him up when I ask him if he has scratched “my” truck. :p

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

It wasnt hard for me because I always lived with brothers and sisters and roommates and my mom taught me things are just things. They can be replaced and I should always share/lend with responsible friends and family. 

So I never had a problem lending my stuff or borrowing/using someone elses because I always have.

The part that was a little harder was getting a routine down so I wasn’t the only one doing all the shopping, planning, cleaning, errands etc because mommy always did it for him. After a conversation or two, and possible a silent treatment at the beginning, we have found our groove.

Post # 7
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I haven’t had issues with our car, our house, our furry children, but I have had issues calling the wedding mine or my. One of my family members got really mad at me because I kept saying my or mine when talking about the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, it wasnt that hard. Fiance and I have been living together since ’06, so most everything we have is “ours”. However, we have easily kept limits, if you will, on our own personal stuff. That is a must for us. We are not the type of people that share everything (toothbrushes, razors, etc) but we have stuff like our computers that are “his and hers”, but we treat them like shared property.

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The only thing we have a hard time with is the credit cards! We’ll “argue” over who gets to pay…. even though both cards are paid from our JOINT checking account.  Oh no, I’ll pay…. no no no, let me pay.  It’s all pretty silly when our money is already pooled.

I bet the “our” will come more naturally than you think. 

PS I still call it MY car and HIS car because thats the way I differentiate which vehicle I’m talking about:)

Post # 10
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a hard time thinking of ‘our bank account’ or ‘our insurance’, but with things, we already live together, we share stuff anyway. This is a big deal because we are both only children and we don’t fight over objects! I will be nervous once we combine finances because then I have to be a bit more careful.

Post # 11
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@drakela2: Oh we do this with the cars, but the silly thing is I drive “his” car and he drives “my” car. So its not really his and hers, but as you said a way to differentiate who picked it out. 

Post # 12
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s an adjustment…for a long time I still referred to our bedroom as my bedroom, as in, “Oh can you get that book for me? It’s in my bedroom.” Even though we moved into a new apt together, so it’s not like i had lived there by myself! It just takes some time, especially with things like money or big purchases. I still have a hard time feeling like his money is really our money, so it’s a work in progress

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Our first big purchase together was my car, and he paid for a larger portion of it, but has never thought of it as anything but my car. He has his car, and then we have a shared SUV. But its not like he would bat an eye if I drove his car (which I never would, its too low to the ground and he took off the power steering) and he drives my car whenever. We have lived together for 6 years, so most stuff is ours. We are very good about sharing with each other 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It has been hard. It’s a slow process and easier for things that have less personal meaning–kitchen stuff, movies, etc. It still freaks me out a little when he uses my computer and I’ve hardly ever touched his computer. He’s let me borrow books of his before, but I know it stresses him out, lol. I think eventually we’ll just end up having more stuff that we bought together than we did apart and that will solve any issues.

Post # 15
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

For me, the biggest adjustment wasn’t about stuff, but about money.  He moved into a house I already owned, but I immediately felt it was “our” house.  And I think of his truck as “his” because he is the one who drives it every day….not because he is the one who paid for it before we were married.

But money was different.  Before we were married, we lived together but had separate accounts.  I paid certain bills and he paid others.  I always felt weird when he  when he would spend “his” money on stuff I should be paying for, like when he paid for all the Christmas presents for my kids.

But after we were married, we put all our money in joint accounts.  I’m sure it is all in my head but once I was his wife and not his girlfriend and both our paychecks went into the same checking account, I never again thought about his money or my money. It just became ours.

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