Post # 1
I was just thinking about how both my husband and I have changed since we first met almost 6 years ago. Obviously we all grow with time, but there are some things I think we both have learnt because of being together. Some things also might be because we’ve grown up in different cultures and others I think are due to our personalities.
He, for example, has learnt to confront people and be less afraid of confrontation. He’s learnt to stand up for himself and put his foot down. I think he’s also learnt to see things less black and white and to question things more.
I’ve learnt to be more flexible, to be more ingenios and to relax more (still in the process, though, hahaha).
There are more things of course, but those are the major ones.
What has being with your partner made you learn?
Post # 2
I’ve become a much more adventurous eater. Learned to control my temper better and be more forgiving/give people the benefit of the doubt.
He’s become much more confident in himself.
Post # 3
I recycle a lot more. I did it before but never really gave it much thought. Turns out there are a LOT more things in my day to day life that are recyclable than I once knew. I am also working harder at being a partner. I’ve had two previous relationships. One were we got together at 18 and basically acted as if we were still in a teenage relationship for 10 years and one where the guy was completely in control and a lost a lot of myself. Now I am making more of an effort to include him in my decision making, talk to him about my issues and keep private things he has shared with me.
It’s hard to say what he has learned since I only know the person he is after having met me. Perhaps I could say he has learned to listen. For example, his instinct when I am upset is to hold me. The first time he did this I hated it and wanted to push him off me. I was afraid he’d be offended though so I didn’t say anything. I brought it up a few days later. I said that I understand that he feels this is what I need but that isn’t what works best for me. I don’t get upset all that often but now when I do he listens when I am ready, ignores it when I don’t want to talk about it and will rub my shoulder or touch my arm to show he is being supportive.
Post # 4
bellabelle12 : I used to be Brianna from Grace and Frankie
Since meeting my boyfriend, I’ve changed my mind on marriage and kids, I’m okay with sharing finances, I compromise and show vulnerability, I’ve started yoga, I’m more open-minded, I’m happier, and I believe in God.
Post # 5
Since meeting my fiance, I have learned to be more vulnerable because of how safe and secure I feel with him.
It’s a huge change for me as I’ve always been very shut down.
Post # 6
The most obvious change? I dropped almost 20lbs – 135 to 117.
My husband is very much into fitness. He works out five or six times a week and eats very well. I have never been worried about my weight or appearances but just watching him do what he does makes me want to become healthier.
Also, I become more ambitious and adventurous. He is so supportive that he makes me feel like I can do anything!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
bellabelle12 : Such a good post idea!
I’ve become more confident in myself and my decisions, and more vulnerable. My Fiance has done a lot of therapy and he’s helped me manage my emotions better and be able to think about why I would feel a certain way in a situation and where it stems from.
He’s become a much more balanced person too. I think overall he’s less angry. He has always been so sweet to me, but had demons he was battling. Because of our relationship, he did the hard work to get through that and I’ve seen him become more calm, less anxious, and more understanding of situations.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I’ve become a little more spontaneous and he’s become more comfortable with having a plan.
We are both much better at having uncomfortable conversations & discussing things until we have a resolution
I feel like we’re both less selfish; we’re a legit team and while we’re not perfect, we certainly have a team mentality which I was never super great at before.
He’s become better at addressing issues he has with people instead of just complaining about it. He’s also not afraid to apologize to someone if something came out the wrong way. I’m not sure if he did this before, but it’s usually after a convo we have that he realizes he came across differently than he’d intended.
Fiance is super goofy, so because he’ll always be sillier than me, I can let myself be silly instead of being scared of looking stupid.
I watch a lot more superhero shows and he watches RuPaul’s Drag Race… lol
I’ve always loved music and had performed in bigger crowds but would DIE if I had to sing in front of a handful of people, especially if I knew them(my ex of 7 years had never heard me even sing!). A few years ago I realized this was because when I was a teen, a “friend” called me a show-off in front of a group of “popular kids” when we were all singing along with a song in the vehicle (looking back, I’m not sure why I let that get to me so much). Fiance has a band and invited me to be their singer, now I sing in front of 4 people all the time and sometimes smaller groups of people we know. We’re talking about playing some shows around home and I’m pumped. A few years ago I would have been sick to my stomach about that!
Post # 9
hikingbride : Me too, I’ve learnt to be more relaxed about some topics and not to be angry so easily.
coffeetime2020 : Haha funny, but my husband showed me to recycle even more. While I’ve always recycled, because my dad is really into that, he showed me more options and to question our everything-has-to-be-thrown-away-and-to-be-bought-new society. In my home country we don’t really learn to do a lot of repair things on our own. We would call someone or throw it away, because often they’ll tell you that it is cheaper to buy it new than to have it repaired.
downonmulberry : LOL so glad, that he was able to change your mind 😉
sharpshooter : I think it is beautiful how relationship can change how you connect to yourself as well.
suelan1006 : Wow! This is very impressive! Sometimes we forget it, but when our partners believe in us, we suddenly begin to believe in us more, too.
co_katherine : That sounds really good! Normally, we read much more about unhealthy relationships on this board and how they affect people in such negative ways and lower their self-esteem. But it is beautiful to hear that in healthy relationships it’s really the opposite.
Post # 10
Charliejeorge : Oh I really feel you on the plan thing haha He’s not really into planning things, but nevertheless forgot about stuff he had to do. So he started to have a diary for his projects an appointments. He’s still not very good at it and I remember more things he has to do, than him. Lol
And at first he was really uneasy about having discussions or fights or when I showed anger. He was always afraid that if he can cause me these reactions, I would be better off without him (duh). I think it has much to do with how you grow up. I saw my parents fight and reconcile regularly at home and have never learnt that fighting or making each other angry or causing other strong negative emotions means that there’s something seriously wrong. So he’s learnt that it is part of being in a relationship.
Post # 12
We have been together almost 2.5 years. We are 100% a team.
Positive changes: We have improved our communication with each other, and life skills (budgeting, cooking at home). Those are the biggest things.
Negative changes: Weight gain. We became lets order food and Netflix fiends. We have started taking a little over 1 mile walks after work everyday and will be incorporating some lunges/squats, free weights soon.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2020 - --
I am far more confident in my sexuality. He sort of intimidated me at first, he’s so comfortable in his homosexuality where I had never publicly dated a man before.
I think I’m also much more aware of abuse issues. Sexual abuse isn’t really something I’ve put a lot of thought into. Obviously you grow up knowing it’s bad, but as a man I wasn’t really aware of it’s prevalence or long-term impact. He is a sexual abuse survivor and volunteers at women’s shelters and does online LGBTQ counseling. I’ve gotten a lot more patient, a lot more aware of my actions, and more aware of other people’s actions.
I, too, am also fatter. He makes fantastic casseroles. So much butter, damn southern family recipes.
Post # 14
bakerbee09 : Oh yes, I know how difficult it is to not just eat, lay around and watch movies together. I think this is a real challenge in long term relationships; to not fall in a daily grind where you begin to neglect things. But when both are in it and begin to motivate each other to break that trot, it’s such a good source of willpower.
Post # 15
sciencefig : A partner having your back and making you feel more confident and self-aware is so important. If we’re willing to grow with them and letting them to open our eyes, there is so much we can learn for ourselves.