- 8 years ago
I’m a five weeks out from our wedding – and I feel like I am a total mess right now.
I posted on Monday about my first reaction to the invitations – a negative, rude ‘If I can’t bring my kids, we aren’t coming’ and then un-friending on Facebook of a relative.
Since then, I have been contacted by two more relatives about the kids issue (both were very polite). Over the course of four days, I was told by numerous relatives that because everyone in the family had been invited to the wedding, they had no babysitter and thus could not come to celebrate with us. I will say that frankly, I find this to be an excuse – OR I have a lot of future in-laws who are attachment parents and don’t leave their kids (no matter what age) with anyone other than family. I even offered to get them a FREE adult babysitter, 10 minutes from the venue, for the night, and they responded that in that event, they would still decline to attend the wedding.
Originally I had said under no circumstances would I cave – but after talking to our caterer, I worked out a way to not add to our bill but still have the kids attend. This of course is the story of how a Friday Night 7 pm Semi-Formal Adults-Only event became a 16 kids running around and everyone leaving early event… I feel like I’m going to get more of this if I don’t let them just bring the kids – who really wants to piss off their future in-laws 30 days out from the wedding?! I’ve cried every day this week over this decision.
With the addition of the kids, we now have 139 people invited to a venue that only holds 130. Even without the additional catering cost of paying for the kids, I’m still worried about how the logistics of an over-stuffed venue. We can’t have a ‘kids table’ because out of 16 kids, the oldest is 8 and the rest are all 5 and under, mostly toddlers. Even with babes on laps, I anticipated only 80 guests after the declines… and everyone is RSVPing YES so far…
Aside from the kids issue, I also received this in an email from my F-AIL this morning after she writes about how her grandkids have to come or they can’t:
Also, I don’t know if this was a mistake or not but ‘T’ was invited to your bachelorette party but ‘M’ wasn’t. I know that sometimes mistakes are made so thought I’d check. Please don’t mention this to M, I know she would not of like it if I told you about it. But she feels left out.
This honestly made me so angry. First off, M is her daughter and T is her daughter in law. T is my age and we socialize often, therefore she was invited. M is about 6 years older than me and I have never hung out with her other than at two family gatherings a couple years ago. Given that she is mid-30’s, I also thought the idea of going out with a bunch of 20-something girls at a club would be unappealing to her and she would be likely to decline. Never in my wildest imagination did I think she would be hurt by not being invited. The kicker to that of course is that T already declined the invite because it is the same night as FUIL birthday party! That is M’s DAD! She can’t even COME either! So why put that on a bride!!!!?? Can’t a 30+ year old speak for herself? FAIL purposely said this to make me feel bad and I just want to write her back and tell her where to put it.
My shower is this Sunday and these women will be there (minus T who’s invite got lost in the mail and couldn’t come when she found out about it two days ago.) I want nothing to do with them at the moment and i really makes me dread this party.
With all this family drama, I’m so sad and so not looking forward to anything other than my bachelorette next weekend because my best friend is flying in for it. I’m sad, I’m having nightmares, and every day is a new comment that brings me back down to feeling awful.
How did you guys or do you guys deal with this stuff?