Post # 1
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
One of my close friends recently had a baby and her parents were very disappointed she is not engaged/married yet. They never really liked her boyfriend (I can’t blame them. He makes crass jokes about women all the time and has yet to remember a birthday or anniversary in all the years they’ve been together) and feel she is wasting her time with him. I’ve noticed that since she got pregnant she’s started posting things online that contradict the stories she’s told me. For example, buying something for herself and then saying it was a spontaneous gift from her boyfriend, or confiding in me that labor and getting used to being a parent is difficult (as expected!) but then going out of her way to say publicly that it was virtually painfree and she is not tired at all. Now I am not a big social media poster and the thought of airing my dirty laundry online makes me cringe, but I also don’t understand making things up. Surely it is easier to just not share anything at all?
Now my biggest concern is that she is putting on this facade in order to “prove everyone wrong”, and that trying to keep up this perfect image will make her less likely to ask for help if she gets overwhelmed. I would hate for it to lead to something like postpartum depression, especially since her boyfriend works away from home most days and she is dealing with a newborn baby on her own. She’s a big follower of mommy blogs as well and I imagine that, as a new parent who is uncertain of things, it’s hard not to compare your life to the highly edited and seemingly perfect lives of the women running these websites.
But part of me is also curious if her social media behavior is common. We all selectively edit our lives so that we share positive moments and not negative ones, but it never occurred that someone would make things up or stretch the truth that much. Have any of you come across this before in your own lives?
Post # 2
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
browneyedgirl86: I think in your friend’s case, she really needs the approval from other people to make herself feel better about her situation. I can’t judge her based on that, I’ve never been where she is, but I can definitely see where are coming from. I know a TON of people who do this. To me, there is a difference between “branding” yourself online and straight up lying. Like for me personally, I don’t post anything negative or political, just as a personal preference. That doesn’t mean that nothing bad happens to me, I just omit it. Not to pull wool over anyone’s eyes, but just because my problems are my problems, and frankly no one gives a rat’s @#$ lol.
I am very honest, but like most people there are certain things I just won’t touch on. I think your friend is in a really rough place in life and needs validation. Social media is different things for different people. I know some people who use it like a journal and write down every thought and others who post once a year….
Post # 3
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
I would try to look beyond it and if it really bothers you, talk to her and make sure she’s okay, because it does sound like she’s overcompensating, and honestly, I think a lot of people who post a ton on social media do.
I honestly don’t post much at all on social media other than the select instagram photo. There are a few people I want to keep in the loop so I do post pictures occasionally but besides that, I feel like those close to me know what I’m up to.
Post # 4
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee
I am definitely guilty of posting more updates about working out and progress shots when I am being more active. I definitely am not posting lately about binging on junk food so I guess I lie by omission.
Its very easy to get caught up in wanting to put our best self forward on social media. I would reach out to her as well, to try to start an honest conversation with her so she has someone she can confide in.
Post # 5
Member
7885 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Wow, that’s really sad. Making up these stories isn’t going to make her real life any better.
The few things I do post are true, but I keep a lot of everyday life for myself and not for facebook.
Post # 6
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
I see this all the time. I got girls who treat their BFs like their personal servants and then posts excessively on IG about how their boyfriends are their “saviors”, and the “best”, and how Monday is #mcm (man crush Monday). Then I hear that those same girls’ boyfriends talk to my BF all the time, complaining about those girls. ^_^ It’s very interesting to me and my BF.
I never post FB status anymore–I stopped doing this years ago when I started my third year in college. I fixed my wall to see only news feed articles from local, busines, and international news–this is why I never see my friends’ FB statuses. So, I think I’m just one of those “unknown” people on social media as I barely post anything.
I would, honestly, ignore this. One, there is a backlash against people who post honestly on their social media–if you post about you “being in a relationship”, people assume you’re compensating. When you post about sadness, you become a fodder for gossip, and you start getting unnecessary “oh noooo how are you” messages from many people–sincere or not–who just wants the juicy details.
It’s like the ONLY post that doesn’t get too much unwanted and unnecessary opinions are the happy posts. So, I don’t blame people for posting happy posts–it’s the easiest one. Plus, focusing on the happy part of your day, even though 80% of it is sad, makes you kind of happy anyway. It’s a coping mechanism, and as a brand new mom, she deserves any coping mechanism to get her through the day. I don’t see the point of embarassing her by pointing out inconsistencies of her story when you know she’s trying to get by on a daily basis. As a friend, I’ll let her be and be happy for her posts because I’m sure even if her day is 90% crappy, she had a smile posting that one line on her status. Don’t ruin it.
Post # 7
Member
6883 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Honestly why do you care if she embellishes/lies on social media. You are not her mother/sister. It is her social media to do as she pleases. I look at this way, it is the interenet take it with a grain of salt.
As for your question, I have no desire to lie on my social media pages.
Post # 8
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
I have no intention of pointing out inconsistencies or embarrassing her in any way. That’s why I asked here rather than asking her. And I don’t “care” per se. It IS possible to make an observation, be curious about it, and wonder if it applies to other people without being judgmental or meddling in someone else’s life.
Post # 9
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
browneyedgirl86: I post a lot of comments on other people’s stuff, but rarely post anything other than reposting funny animal videos. When I do post, it’s mostly positive type stuff (posted a couple pics of my baby bump the other day). I will complain in the comments or whatever, but even then I feel like I have to be really positive about it because it seems like people just expect you to be all rainbows and sunshine all the time. Like lately when people ask me how I’m feeling during pregnancy, I’m like “I’ve definitely been having crazy symptoms, but as long as baby’s healthy I’ll power through” which is the truth, but if I could just post “I feel like shit and can’t wait to have my body back” it would be a more realistic representation, but I think most people would find it off-putting. I would never go out of my way to lie though…I find it odd for sure that your friend is posting anything at all.
Post # 10
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
I definitely know people like that. The thing is, at least for me personally, I just automatically assume when people are always posting how “great” and “perfect” everything is, that they are lying. It just comes off like trying to hard.
Personally, while I try not to post personal negative stuff (really the only negative stuff I’ll post about is opinions on news stories), I don’t try portray my life as perfect either. I’ll talk about movies or books that I’m reading that I really enjoy, in case other people are interested in reading/watching them. I’ll post about vacation I’m about to go on and how I’m excited about it. Just things like that. I never lie. I don’t see what the point is. But I realize a lot of people do lie outright.
Post # 11
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
No I don’t lie but I generally don’t post negative things either, only because it’s private to me. The people who are always all drama on social media seem just as bad as the ones trying to look perfect.
Honestly I almost never post at all on fb, only what I consider important life events that I think my extended family and friends may be curious to know about and sometimes that includes not so great stuff as well. I only really regularly use Instagram and I’ll just post whatever is interesting to me at the moment. I know several people who definitely lie or exaggerate on social media though.
Post # 12
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t post a lot on Facebook anymore but when I do it’s all positive. I don’t like sharing negative things. I used to, but I’m not that kind of person anymore.
Post # 13
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
browneyedgirl86: Making your life look awesome on social media seems to be the norm.
I personally wont air dirty laundry on twitter and facebook (I learned my lesson after some serious reprecussions when I was 18). I only post good things, but they are REAL things. People who follow my feeds must think I don’t have a life :-p
Post # 14
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
browneyedgirl86: I was just having a conversation along these lines the other day with a group of friends. I think people put their best highlights on social media, most people would leave the mundane stuff off. “Crappy morning, alarm didn’t go off, woke up to a mountain of dirty dishes in my about to foreclose home and seriously doubting if I can get through the workday without a drink. Yay me!” I am exaggerating but who would post that? No, we post our highlights “Enjoying champagne at the Champs D’elysee on our way to London”. But when I look at the totality of our media exposure – Real Housewives, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Facebook/Twitter highlights, movies, People magazine, etc, etc I worry that we spend the majority of our time in carefully staged and edited “reality” of uber glamorous and rich or outrageous while our true reality passes by. I wonder if all of this is skewing our baseline definition of what life should be like in an unrealistic way. Too deep for a Thursday morning and I don’t have the answers. Hoping that we can all find the ability to find the joy in our lives as they currently are – the good and the bad.
