(Closed) How horrible is it that a new baby made me resentful

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
456 posts
Helper bee

@Solny: First off, I’m sorry you’re feeling the way you are. Please don’t beat yourself up too much about all of it, you can’t help it. It’s amazing how such random things or even joyous occasions can bring out the ugly Waiting feelings. No matter how much we want to stifle them, they can really eat us alive at times.

That being said, I’m a little surprised at how many people are telling you to basically suck it up and go. While it’s great in theory and I understand they mean well, my first thought reading this post was that this isn’t a one-day only event, such as a wedding or something. Yes, it would be wonderful for you to go and see the baby. But the baby is still going to be there this weekend. I think that while you should try your best to put the icky feelings aside for now & jump in on the excitement for your SO’s sake… I also think that them expecting you to just up and take an entire day off work is asking a little much. Girlfriend, fiance, wife, whatever. Waiting a few more days until you’re off work and relaxed on the weekend won’t kill anyone. Work is work, people should understand that. I’m close with my SO’s family as well, I’ve even been invited to family events when he won’t be there. However, if I have to work, they understand. They don’t cause a stink about it.

I totally understand that everyone is on a baby high, it’s the first grandchild. I get it [fyi I love babies… I’m the type of person who makes faces at babies in the grocery store line up haha]. I understand your SO is excited and a little bummed that you have to work, but he shouldn’t be making you feel bad for it. Why can’t he wait a couple more days for you to be off? I think it’s a little unfair.

I don’t really have much advice other than I would try to put your feelings aside – for now – but if you feel you need to bring it up to him once the baby fever subsides, I’d definitely have a talk with him. Just tell him how you’re feeling and take it from there. *hugs*

Post # 33
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

View original reply
@misslene: gotcha! Well, I guess I can see your reservations there. Once bitten twice shy!! I couldn’t imagine having to give up hubs family if we wouldn’t have worked out…must have been really hard on you. Thanks for that perspective, I honestly hadn’t thought about it that way 🙂

Post # 35
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Hey fellow bee!

It’s okay, I know the internal turmoil you’re going through well.  These kinds of celebrations give me a roller coaster of emotions – everything from pure joy to resentment to insecurity – wondering why I’m still “on the shelf”.

But, I have still made every effort to join these family events.  In fact, my SO’s side of the family just had a baby born.  I went with SO’s family on their first visit to the new baby.  It was wonderful!  I didn’t feel out of place until yesterday, because I read this in the baby book under visitations:

“The Smith Family & Jenn”.  Hmmm?? It is true, since we aren’t engaged or married I’m not really part of the family.  I probably shouldn’t be offended; it must be the waiting talking!

We gotta hang in there!

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