Post # 1
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
So, I’m fairly certain that it’s going to be a while (at least a year or two…) until I get engaged. We are “engaged to be engaged” so to speak, but life is just not in the right place right now for either of us. I WISH it were the right time, but I know in my head that it’s not and I just need to wait until it is.
Anyways, this might sound really silly, but I found a good way to “cope” with all the impending waiting. I bought myself a simple, unassuming, pretty, cheap ring. It literally cost me $5. It’s just a metal ring with small details on it, and I wear it on my right ring finger all the time now. I wouldn’t call it a “promise ring”Whenever I start getting frustrated or ancy, I just look at the ring and know that the waiting is worth it, and somehow the ring gives me a boost and I don’t feel the need to bug him about it or drive myself crazy. He doesn’t know what it means, and I plan on keeping it that way so as to not put any pressure on him, but it really comforts me and keeps me from bringing up engagement talk incessantly. It keeps me sane, as silly as that may sound.
Just thought I’d share, since I know a lot of bees on the waiting board are driving themselves crazy.
Post # 3
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
I totally understand what you mean and personally I couldn’t wait. But then again, I didn’t feel totally secure about being ‘engaged to be engaged’ since Fiance was unsure about marriage in the first place. I didn’t force him to propose, but I told him I couldn’t be in a relationship where I was ready to get engaged and he was unsure, we were 27 and had been dating for 1.5 years, known each other for 6. I asked him if we could take some time apart and he proposed about 2 weeks later.
So I can’t really give you any advice on how to ‘deal with waiting’, but I can say that I understand your frustration. It’s not easy, especially on the girl since everyone seems to feel like it’s fine to ask YOU when you are getting engaged and encourage the guy to stay single as long as possible.
Good luck and hang in there if he’s worth it!
Post # 4
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
Honestly, if I didn’t want a ring and a wedding, we would probably get married at city hall when I graduate in a year…..but I want those things very badly since nobody in my family has had them before.
I’m okay with waiting because I know he’s “the one”. We’ve been together nearly 7 years now, known each other for 9 and living together for 2. I was just sharing my little “self ring tip” as a way that helps remind me of the important stuff like being with the man I love NOW, instead of being ancy about “making it official” and things I can’t control, like financial obligations. I figure it might help somebody out that’s in the same situation. Like I said, it might seem silly but it actually seems to work…
Post # 5
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
@pharmy—good luck on waiting. hopefully it won’t be too long, but at least you seem to be okay with a long timeframe. and you’ve got a “coping mechanism”! whatever works 🙂 i think its a cute idea!
just an opinion here–it’s NEVER going to be the perfect time to get engaged/married. there is always going to be something that needs improvement–not enough money, not a good enough job, too many things going on, debt to pay back, etc. theres ALWAYS something.
in my case, back in january, my fiance and i discussed getting engaged. i thought it was the perfect time (just got our first apartment together as he had been living at my place for 6 months, and it just felt RIGHT), and he thought it was too, but that in 6 months, he would be able to save up money and we would be “better financially”. well, he likes to say i called “his bluff” because i told him in 6 months he’s STILL going to want more money to be saved, or more of the car loan to be paid off and that it will always be something–there will never be the perfect time to get married–life always gets in the way. 2 weeks later, we picked out a ring, and we were engaged 2 weeks after that.
Post # 6
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
it will happen eventually… i totally understand the engaged to be engaged feeling. we were together for 10 years, living together for 6 until it happened. sometimes life just gets in the way of things. whenever people asked why we weren’t married yet, at first i said because i wanted to be out of school. then i said because i wanted to be financially stable. then it was because he needs to get me a ring! then things just sort of worked themselves out, all those things happened, and here we are!
also…since we’d been together for so long, we had a short engagement…about 8 months. so if you start planning in your head a little now, you’ll be ahead of the game and maybe you can have a short engagement, too.
Post # 7
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
I’m currently engaged to be engaged, so I definitely get where you’re coming from. As long as you maintain your own schedule, friends, basically have your own life, it’s easier. I know it really helps me when I have my own activities, friends and homework so I feel like I might be waiting on a ring, but I’m not putting my life on hold.
Post # 8
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee
I always said I wanted to buy a right hand ring, back when I was 25.LOL I saw a Tacori band (my dream engagement ring) on QVC recently with simulated diamond (read fake,lol) and I said, that’s the right hand ring. 
Only about $100.
I still haven’t bought it, though. Still contemplating the purchase.
I also agree hsaas91. Do not put your life on hold for him. He’ll just have to keep up. 🙂