Post # 1
I am constantly comparing my relatonship to others’–especially the relationships of other family members and close friends. If I look at my relationship without any comparison I can honestly say that Fiance and I love each other very much and we make one another happy. But it’s not a perfect relationship–so there are times when I feel down about something between us and then I compare another couple’s relationship to ours and instantly feel down.
Take tonight…I saw my Future Sister-In-Law who is SO super excited for her wedding in a few weeks and my brother and her are closer than ever and seem so happy and in love. Then I think about how I wish Fiance was just as excited for our wedding and into me like he used to be in the beginning. I sometimes feel that we’ve lost that crazy love feeling and I know it was temporary but I still miss it.
At the end of the day, I realize that I will always compare my relationship to others, But how do I handle my reaction to it? I really feel ashamed that invest so much enegy into something so trivial. It’s not fair to Fiance or our relationship for me to feel this unhappy because I see otheres who I think are in the most amazing romantic relationships and I so despartely want the same.
Post # 3
I don’t know about the comparison thing, but it sounds like your relationship has gotten alittle boring. Have you taken any romantic vacations together? Date nights? Nights where your not wearing sweats watching reruns of CSI Miami? Sometimes we get locked into routine and long for times when our relationships were alittle more exciting. That is normal and ok, but when it gets like that you have to find ways to add excitment again.
Post # 4
@violet25: I think the question is, what is it about everyone else’s relationships that you think is so lacking in your own? Once you’ve indentified that, you will hopefully be able to work towards restoring it. 🙂 However, it’s important to remember that NO relationship is truly perfect, and neither are the relationships that you’re comparing yours to. For example, my Fiance and I have promised each other that we will never argue in front of other people so it might seem to everyone else like we have the perfect relationship, but we don’t–we have our issues just like anyone else, we just choose to discuss them in private. We really are happy most of the time and have a great (but not perfect) relationship, but all relationships take work and have difficult times. Good luck to you.
Post # 5
I am sorry you are feeling this way.
Sometimes we have ups and downs too. I just went to a retreat with our church to prepare for marriage. One thing we discussed is happiness during marriage. And what made me feel better is that marriage is not about happiness. It’s about unity. And being there for each other. That’s what is important. You are not alone. He is there for you. Even if he may not be emotionally there for you at the moment, if you have patience, he will come around. Sometimes we can be centered on how we personally feel instead of being more life giving and caring about how the other person feels. sometimes, giving to others can really help us to feel better about ourselves. Hang in there, give to him and do nice things for other people. It may take the feelings off yourself if you put feelings into others.
Hope you feel better soon, **hugs**
Post # 6
I have been dealing with this problem as well. Oddly, this board often just fuels it because you don’t feel or think like most people. Anyway, I recently had a talk with Fiance because it got so bad that I was doubting our relationship. I finally broke down and said that we needed to focus on our relationship HERE, instead of worrying about what others are doing or thinking OUT THERE. It’s helping us refocus and reprioritize. We are going to have dedicated date nights and brainstorm activities to keep us out of the comfortable rut. Just tell him your feelings! It’s hard, but necessary. Keep the dialogue going.
Post # 7
@Treeline: Great advice!!