(Closed) How I torture myself mentally and emotionally….and how can I stop?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t know about the comparison thing, but it sounds like your relationship has gotten alittle boring. Have you taken any romantic vacations together? Date nights? Nights where your not wearing sweats watching reruns of CSI Miami? Sometimes we get locked into routine and long for times when our relationships were alittle more exciting. That is normal and ok, but when it gets like that you have to find ways to add excitment again.

Post # 4
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@violet25:  I think the question is, what is it about everyone else’s relationships that you think is so lacking in your own? Once you’ve indentified that, you will hopefully be able to work towards restoring it. 🙂  However, it’s important to remember that NO relationship is truly perfect, and neither are the relationships that you’re comparing yours to. For example, my Fiance and I have promised each other that we will never argue in front of other people so it might seem to everyone else like we have the perfect relationship, but we don’t–we have our issues just like anyone else, we just choose to discuss them in private. We really are happy most of the time and have a great (but not perfect) relationship, but all relationships take work and have difficult times. Good luck to you.

Post # 5
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Sometimes we have ups and downs too. I just went to a retreat with our church to prepare for marriage. One thing we discussed is happiness during marriage. And what made me feel better is that marriage is not about happiness. It’s about unity. And being there for each other. That’s what is important. You are not alone. He is there for you. Even if he may not be emotionally there for you at the moment, if you have patience, he will come around. Sometimes we can be centered on how we personally feel instead of being more life giving and caring about how the other person feels. sometimes, giving to others can really help us to feel better about ourselves. Hang in there, give to him and do nice things for other people. It may take the feelings off yourself if you put feelings into others.

Hope you feel better soon, **hugs**

Post # 6
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have been dealing with this problem as well. Oddly, this board often just fuels it because you don’t feel or think like most people. Anyway, I recently had a talk with Fiance because it got so bad that I was doubting our relationship. I finally broke down and said that we needed to focus on our relationship HERE, instead of worrying about what others are doing or thinking OUT THERE. It’s helping us refocus and reprioritize. We are going to have dedicated date nights and brainstorm activities to keep us out of the comfortable rut. Just tell him your feelings! It’s hard, but necessary. Keep the dialogue going.

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