(Closed) How immature…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

What is he mad about?

 

What happened Sunday night leading up to this?

Post # 4
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

When Darling Husband gets mad he does that sometimes, my biggest frustration with him, and yes it is very immature.  Thankfully it is rare that he does it.  He did it the week before the wedding and even went as far as going down to his moms house (about an hour away).  I have learned to ignore it, which I have found is the best way to turn it around on him.  He just did it a few weeks ago, he sat in our room and pouted for days.  I do my routine as normal, finally he gets over whatever he was pouting about and comes and appologizes.

Post # 7
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

my Fiance used to do this, and worse. We read a book together called “communication miracles for couples”, and it made all the difference in the world. I highly recommend it.

Post # 9
Member
13290 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Apologize to him for being snippy, but then tell him (calmly) about how his actions are upsetting you and you need help with this stuff.  If you can show him concrete examples of what you want help with, maybe that will help you?  Perhaps you could suggest one hour every weekend where you sit and plan the weekly menu with no phones, and go from there. 

The whole situation seems a bit immature to me.  He needs to help more, end of story.  Giving the silent treatment because he’s mad sounds like he’s not mature enough to get married.  Sorry  ๐Ÿ™

Post # 11
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t call that immature, but I would call it being overly ‘sensitive’. That may never change, as you said something that supposedly pointed out a flaw of his and he took offense to it. Poor baby.

Sometimes it is better to not say anything than to say something hurtful or stupid, so he’ll just have to get over it. It can be frustrating,tho!

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

FWIW, it sounds like both of you need to communicate better — he shouldn’t have been playing on the phone in the first place, and “I need you to put away your phone and help me with this” is a better way of expressing your frustration than “I’ll just do everything myself then!”

And no, the extended silent treatment is not accceptable. (It’s okay to say, “I’m upset, and I need to calm down before we talk about this,” and that should be respected, but yeah, pouting and sulking is just childish.) 

Maybe you guys should get some of those books on communication or something. 

Post # 13
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I hope that you can get this nippped in the bud before you get married. Silent treatment and hateful defense mechanisms do not make for a happy lasting marriage. My Fiance and I have been in premarital counseling for a few months and that has really helped our communication. 

And yes, I actually just went through something similar this weekend in that FI was acting a little strange, quiet, and I had to tell him that (1) it freaks a bride out when her groom is a funk so close to the wedding and (2) it would help us both if he would talk to me a little about what was on his mind.  It ended up being work related.  I felt better knowing it wasn’t me, he felt better talking about it.   

Post # 14
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hi Hbomb!

Some people process their emotions like this. I am the more “immature” type, I will get upset and leave the room, give the cold shoulder, etc. In reality, I’m upset and I just want some space to process all the stuff I’m feeling inside before just exploding at my partner. My Fiance is more like you in that he wants to talk things out immediately and will sometimes actually follow me from room to room and keep chirping at me, til I explode. My advice would be just to back off and let him know you love him and you just want to talk about things. If he feels like he’s being attacked for instance, he’ll shut down and just disappear inside himself. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus has a great chapter on that type of behavior…it says that men need to go to their caves and process negative feelings and when they are able, they emerge from their cave and deal with things head on, whereas, women need to talk things out to make everything ok. (Of course it can always be the other way around, but this is just in general).

Once you know how to deal with people, it makes living with them a whole lot easier ๐Ÿ™‚

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