(Closed) How important are the words “I love you”?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How often does your SO say I LOVE YOU, versus how much do you want them to be saying it?
    My SO says ILY frequently, and I appreciate it : (82 votes)
    64 %
    My SO says ILY frequently, but it doesn't make much of a difference for me : (4 votes)
    3 %
    My SO says ILY a "normal" amount, but I wish it was more : (9 votes)
    7 %
    My SO says ILY a "normal" amount and I feel like it's a great fit : (16 votes)
    13 %
    My SO says ILY a "normal" amount, but I wouldn't be upset if it were less : (3 votes)
    2 %
    My SO says ILY infrequently, and I wish it was more : (9 votes)
    7 %
    My SO says ILY infrequently, but it doesn't bother me : (3 votes)
    2 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    475 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Fiance now says ILY frequently. Have you ever read “5 love languages”? He is definitely a “show you ILY by things I do” guy. I need verbal and physical affirmations. In the beginning he didn’t speak my love language,  but now he does and I’m so appreciative and our relationship is so much better for it. I’d highly recommend the 5 languages by gary champan to all couples!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I definitely think it’s very important to say the actual words. A couple friends of mine from college started dating years ago, and they’d been together for like almost 2 years when she admitted that he still had NEVER told her he loved her! I was SHOCKED! She was like, “Well it’s okay, he basically tells me, like he says, ‘babe, you rock!'” I let her have it. So NOT the same! WTF is wrong with him! He’s actually a really sweet guy, but, it still always bugged me to no end. But anyway…

    We generally end up saying it every morning and every evening at least. I’d say it’s about 50/50 for who initiates it. Would you consider that a “normal” amount, or a “frequent” amount?

    Post # 5
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I said a Normal Amount and it’s a great fit, but I’m actually not really sure how often he says it? I’m guessing it’s enough and not too much because I don’t feel like I’m lacking and it’s not so often its annoying LOL.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3981 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We say it to eachother all the time! It is important to be that it is said ever time we leave or get off the phone with eachother beacuse if some freak accident happens and I never see him again, I want to know the last words he heard from me or I heard from him was “I love you”… sounds morbid but still… (And when we are especially mad at eachother is can be difficult!!)

    Post # 7
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My Fiance asks me every morning…”did I tell you how much I love you yet today”? Even if he did , I always tell him no so I can hear it again. Every single time we say it, we mean it…and we do say it at least a few times a day. To us, it’s very important…but actions are just as important. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Mrs Hedgehog: Same with us. Mr.ND’s fam never even says hello or goodbye on the phone, but now when it’s him and I talking I always get my ‘I love you’ and so does he. We usually kiss goodbye before leaving each other and say it then as well.

    I’d say it’s the normal amount/frequent, and I like it, but it took some work to get him comfortable saying it that often since his family clams up when it comes to feelings.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @ddw: Aww, you brought out the stats terminology! πŸ™‚

    It’s really important to me that he says it a lot, but he does it naturally anyway so it works out. He was my first serious Boyfriend or Best Friend, though, so maybe I wouldn’t have minded so much if I was with someone who didn’t say a lot.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    11167 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Very important. When I first started seeing Fiance and he would say ‘Love you’ at the end of every telephone conversation, because I wasn’t used to it I found it odd. But he explained I do love you so i’m going to tell you. Bless him. Now we’re always saying it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We say it all the time.. I’m actually curious, I may have to start counting πŸ˜‰ I do think it’s important to hear the actual words. I know he loves me, he shows he does, but I still need to hear it.

    Post # 12
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I have been told that we say it an absolute ton, but we both also show it a great deal. He never leaves a room without a kiss, and never leaves the house without a kiss and an ILY. When he comes home, it’s always a big strong lingering hug and a kiss. ILY is the first thing we wake up to and the last thing we say before bed. Every night his last sentence is the same. “I love you, I will see you in the morning”.

    I think the number one way I feel it, is when he hugs me in a certain way. He holds on real tight and puts one hand on the back of my head and he just holds there forever. I have never felt as safe and secure as I do with just that one action. Makes the whole rest of the world just seem trivial.

    Post # 14
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I voted average. I don’t really know what average is though? lol. I’d say we say it most days, but probably not every day. Its 50/50 on who says it first. I’m happy, he’s happy, it works for us. πŸ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I voted for infrequently but it doesn’t bother me. We are both more “actions speak louder than words”. When we do say ILY it’s extra-special. One night recently, he came to bed, kissed my shoulder and said, “I love you so much”. It was just soooo touching because he doesn’t just sling those words around. But I do think those words are really important for affirmation of all relationships, no matter how often they are said, as long as each of you is happy:)

    Post # 16
    Member
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Just like @Mrs Hedgehog: said, we also say it every time we get off the phone or leave each other just in case. Because of that, I voted “My SO says it frequently, but it doesn’t make much difference to me”. I’m sure I would miss it if he cut back on saying it, but it’s so generic and formulaic… every phone call ends with an ILY. I would really like it if he replaced some of the “ILYs” with more specific comments, like “I love when you…” or “I love you because….” or said it more at random times.  That’s because my love language is verbal affirmations and meaningful words are important to me.

    I tried to cut back saying it early on in our relationship because I thought the magic and power of the words would wear away, but he was not happy with that arrangement. He needs the affirmation constantly. And I’m happy to oblige. πŸ™‚

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