(Closed) How important do you think it is to live alone after the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: How important is it to live alone?

    We needed to live alone

    It depends on the situation

    We didn't mind living with others

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    What does your Fiance say?  You need to talk to him before you invite someone to move in with you, no matter how worthy/close the person is.  That’s all part of being married, is making decisions like this together.

    I’d read a lot of the threads on people living with relatives to prepare yourself.  It seems like some advice is to: set a deadline for when the person will move out, make sure you have your own space/time together, and agree on a division of chores/household use (food in fridge to tv).

    Post # 18
    Member
    8435 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    It depends on the relationship you and your Fiance have with your father.  If you have a good relationship, I would think that you would want your father to live with you.  The nuclear family is a fairly recent advent, and centuries of marriages have survived extended family living situations.  However, I personally would have never asked my father to stay with me because he was horrible.

    Post # 19
    Member
    4521 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I would say it’s ideal to live alone, but I’d never leave family homeless to do so.

    Post # 20
    Hostess
    7547 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I think you should do whatever you and your Fiance feel comfortable with. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Talk to your fiance.  You’ll want to come up with a plan together of what’s going to be best for your father and for your relationship.  Obviously, having your father stay permanently isn’t a solution, so you and  your fiance will want to come up with a timeline and a plan for transitioning him into his own place.  Otherwise, having a long term guest (even though he’s family) can build a lot of resentment.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Usually I would say it is very important to live alone, but in your case I would absolutely invite your dad to stay with you. If it were me and I knew I had a spare bedroom and my father stayed at the shelter I would absolutely beg him to move in with me. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I think this is a very situation from saying getting some room mates to save cash. That would be a no for me. But your dad being homeless is way less ideal than having someone live with you. If your Fiance is on board with it I would not hesitate to harrass him into living with you. Perhaps he can help out around the house or something as repayment until he gets back on his feet?

    Post # 24
    Member
    1401 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Talk to your husband about it and see what he says. This is a joint decision. Is your home big enough for another person? when I first saw this I said no. But upon reading your reasoning I think it really depends on the situation. My brother who refuses to work and wants to play video games all day? Nope! My mother who just got out the hospital and needs somewhere to stay because she she has nowhere else to go? Yes! My husband’s sister who is in college and needs somewhere to crash for a short amount of time while she works and goes to school? Yup!

    I’ve always had my doors open to those in my life that have needed it. DH is the same as well.

    Talk to your husband about it.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We neeed to but it didn’t exaclty  happen. Mother-In-Law lives with us…she made herself as scarce as possible the first few months but then SIL and her hubs and daughter lost their place and came in very sneaky under the guise that it would just be for a week or two but that ended up being like 5 months…uggh..I think every newlywed couple needs that time alone, to be silly corny without judgmental eyes upon them…even if they did live togethr before. 

    But clearly if it doesn’t happen it’s not hte end of hte world…we sitll enjoy being newlyweds. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If my family members were in need, especially parents, I would help them in a heart beat! Privacy is important but you dont need your own place for privacy, your father clearly respects your need for privacy. I would find a way of making living together still feel private. Like maybe a couple designated nights where the house is just to you and your SO and your father can stay in his room or go out or something. So that way you guys can do whatever you want and have some alone married time.
    If you have a basement or garage or something that feels separate from the rest of the house you can definitely get that living alone feeling.

    Either way I would not allow my father to be a in a shelter I would get him back up on his feet.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1084 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Usually I woyuld say no way, but your dad is living in a shelter so I would welcome him into my house with open arms.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    We have lived with my mom since my dad passed away and it wasn’t hard for us.  We lived together alone before and moved back in when my dad was sick.  We’ve stayed with her since because she needs our help financially, we planned the wedding while living with her and have lived with her after the wedding, its really not that hard especially in a situation where family nreds help.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @BookwormBride2Be:   Typically I am all for living alone, but that is a tough situation.  Talk to your husband about it, pray about it, and then follow your heart. I wouldn’t want my father in a shelter.

    Post # 30
    Member
    2552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @BookwormBride2Be:  Neither my husband or I would allow either of our fathers to live in a shelter. It wouldnt even be an option for us unless they were healthy and refused to get work.

    Post # 31
    Member
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    The mere fact that your father declined your offer signals that he respects your privacy and isn’t taking advantage of the situation. I would never put the luxury of living alone ahead of my family, particularly if I was in a position to help. 

    Your father’s story breaks my heart, and I hope you will be able to help him with the support of your partner.

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