Post # 17
What does your Fiance say? You need to talk to him before you invite someone to move in with you, no matter how worthy/close the person is. That’s all part of being married, is making decisions like this together.
I’d read a lot of the threads on people living with relatives to prepare yourself. It seems like some advice is to: set a deadline for when the person will move out, make sure you have your own space/time together, and agree on a division of chores/household use (food in fridge to tv).
Post # 18
It depends on the relationship you and your Fiance have with your father. If you have a good relationship, I would think that you would want your father to live with you. The nuclear family is a fairly recent advent, and centuries of marriages have survived extended family living situations. However, I personally would have never asked my father to stay with me because he was horrible.
Post # 19
I would say it’s ideal to live alone, but I’d never leave family homeless to do so.
Post # 20
I think you should do whatever you and your Fiance feel comfortable with.
Post # 21
Talk to your fiance. You’ll want to come up with a plan together of what’s going to be best for your father and for your relationship. Obviously, having your father stay permanently isn’t a solution, so you and your fiance will want to come up with a timeline and a plan for transitioning him into his own place. Otherwise, having a long term guest (even though he’s family) can build a lot of resentment.
Post # 22
Usually I would say it is very important to live alone, but in your case I would absolutely invite your dad to stay with you. If it were me and I knew I had a spare bedroom and my father stayed at the shelter I would absolutely beg him to move in with me.
Post # 23
I think this is a very situation from saying getting some room mates to save cash. That would be a no for me. But your dad being homeless is way less ideal than having someone live with you. If your Fiance is on board with it I would not hesitate to harrass him into living with you. Perhaps he can help out around the house or something as repayment until he gets back on his feet?
Post # 24
Talk to your husband about it and see what he says. This is a joint decision. Is your home big enough for another person? when I first saw this I said no. But upon reading your reasoning I think it really depends on the situation. My brother who refuses to work and wants to play video games all day? Nope! My mother who just got out the hospital and needs somewhere to stay because she she has nowhere else to go? Yes! My husband’s sister who is in college and needs somewhere to crash for a short amount of time while she works and goes to school? Yup!
I’ve always had my doors open to those in my life that have needed it. DH is the same as well.
Talk to your husband about it.
Post # 25
We neeed to but it didn’t exaclty happen. Mother-In-Law lives with us…she made herself as scarce as possible the first few months but then SIL and her hubs and daughter lost their place and came in very sneaky under the guise that it would just be for a week or two but that ended up being like 5 months…uggh..I think every newlywed couple needs that time alone, to be silly corny without judgmental eyes upon them…even if they did live togethr before.
But clearly if it doesn’t happen it’s not hte end of hte world…we sitll enjoy being newlyweds.
Post # 26
If my family members were in need, especially parents, I would help them in a heart beat! Privacy is important but you dont need your own place for privacy, your father clearly respects your need for privacy. I would find a way of making living together still feel private. Like maybe a couple designated nights where the house is just to you and your SO and your father can stay in his room or go out or something. So that way you guys can do whatever you want and have some alone married time.
If you have a basement or garage or something that feels separate from the rest of the house you can definitely get that living alone feeling.
Either way I would not allow my father to be a in a shelter I would get him back up on his feet.
Post # 27
Usually I woyuld say no way, but your dad is living in a shelter so I would welcome him into my house with open arms.
Post # 28
We have lived with my mom since my dad passed away and it wasn’t hard for us. We lived together alone before and moved back in when my dad was sick. We’ve stayed with her since because she needs our help financially, we planned the wedding while living with her and have lived with her after the wedding, its really not that hard especially in a situation where family nreds help.
Post # 29
@BookwormBride2Be: Typically I am all for living alone, but that is a tough situation. Talk to your husband about it, pray about it, and then follow your heart. I wouldn’t want my father in a shelter.
Post # 30
@BookwormBride2Be: Neither my husband or I would allow either of our fathers to live in a shelter. It wouldnt even be an option for us unless they were healthy and refused to get work.
Post # 31
The mere fact that your father declined your offer signals that he respects your privacy and isn’t taking advantage of the situation. I would never put the luxury of living alone ahead of my family, particularly if I was in a position to help.
Your father’s story breaks my heart, and I hope you will be able to help him with the support of your partner.