Post # 32
I think it depends on whether or not you’ve already been living together. If that’s the case, it won’t be a huge jump. If you’re moving in together after the wedding it would be difficult, but I’m sure your dad would understand and keep to himself anyway if you did convince him to join you.
I agree with PP too, I wouldn’t take no for an answer from my dad. And to be honest, if my man wasn’t okay with having my dad stay with us I’d be thinking twice about marrying him.
Post # 33
I agree with the other bees, it depends if you have lived together before or not. Personally I would prefer if i have some alone time with my husband since we are not going to live together prior to getting married.
Having said that I would find it hard to let either of my parents live in a shelter when i have 2 extra bedrooms at home. The key here is to respect the boundaries and privacy of each other.
I think that the best way to go about it is to speak with your Fiance and see what he thinks about this since it will effect him too.
Post # 34
In your situation, i think it’s fine.
Fiance is very close to his Mum. His Dad left when he was 2 and it has always just been the 2 of them.
Future Mother-In-Law lives with Fiance. FI is the main provider. His Mum runs her own business and contributes financially.
I have always known for years that Fiance would always want his Mum to live with us. I accepted that a long time ago.
Future Mother-In-Law is pretty cool so i don’t have any problems living with her.
I will be moving in with my Fiance 11 months after we get married. That’s because i am contracted to a job and it was a sacrifice we decided to make.
I see no problems living with Future Mother-In-Law. The way i see it is it’s an extra pair of hands to help out with cooking and also a babysitter!
Post # 35
+1 Excellent advice!!
I think it’s different if it’s a ‘we are trying to save money’ vs. ‘family member in need and in the streets otherwise’. If your Fiance is ok with it, I’d try it out. Perhaps your father would be more comfortable with it, if there was a set date in place for him to move out? Keep talking to him. Perhaps he senses some hesitation on your part (totally normal, btw) and that’s why he refuses. Maybe you and Fiance could present a unified front to him and approach him together (so he knows you are on the same page, together!).
Post # 36
@BookwormBride2Be: I think it is incredibly important to live alone together after the wedding.
That said, there is no way in HELL I would leave my dad on the streat. I’d rather my marriage suffer a bit temporarily than for my father to risk his life like that. I also know that my fiance would support me %100 if it came down to that.
Post # 37
I think married couples, especially newlyweds, need their private space.
That said, certain situations warrant living with others. I would never take my mother in, but I would let my father live with us if need be. My mom is a controlling and nosy shrew, while my father is easy to please.
My mom once made some very assumptive comments, about moving in with my husband and I if my father cheated on her again. She thinks that my family of origin is more important than my marriage. LOLOLOL My husband is more important to me than ANYONE ELSE.
Post # 38
Newlyweds should live alone as in don’t go decide to roomate with some other couple, etc. In cases like this though I don’t think the same rules apply & you just have to do what works for your family. I would really hope your FH wouldn’t leave your dad without a place to sleep, I know my DH would expect the same from me if it was his family as I’m sure your FH would his.
I think sitting down & having a goal to help your dad get back on his feet is key though.. even if it meant that you helped him for 6 months to a year… so long as it’s something that does have an end (unless of course something happened where he’d need to be cared for). Setting up boundaries & having a plan can definitley make something like this work. Your family is now, or will be, your FH family & visa versa and I’m sure he wouldn’t leave his family on the streets.
Post # 39
Thanks everyone! My dad figured things out and will be rooming with a friend of his. It’s still not entirely ideal to me, but he’s been doing this for years and he’s really comfortable this time, he assures me, more comfortable than he’d be at our house. I’m just so grateful to know he’s not in the shelter anymore.
Post # 40
Not important as long as we have our own private space. We live together alone now, and probably will for the forseeable future, but if we had a chance to live with friends we’d take it in a heartbeat, it would be fun. And if we had to live with family for money reasons or something, as long as we had our private area, it wouldn’t be a bother. I like having people around as long as I can retreat somewhere.