(Closed) How important is alone time? (Long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sounds like you definitely know what you need. 

I think that when you have a conversation about it, focus on your feelings and needs, but stay away from talking about the guilt trips he is giving you.  He maybe didn’t know your needs and wouldn’t guilt trip you about that if he knew better.  

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I definitely need some alone time every once in a while. I’m a teacher so I get home by 3pm every day. I love that time before Fiance gets home to just relax and do my own thing. THere was a point in time when he was switching jobs and was home for a bit and, as bad as this sounds, I was happy when he went back to work. Sometimes you just need you time. Maybe he doesn’t get it since his alone time is while you’re at work. You could sit down and talk about it with him, maybe? 

Post # 5
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think that it is normal – I mean, if I didn’t have my girlfriends I think I would be lonely in that way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m with him all of the time and I am so happy and glad for that but both of us like to just go and hang out with our friends every once in awhile. He needs his guy time, I need my girl time 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh, this is totally healthy! It’s natural to need some time alone to decompress or hang out with your girl friends. It sucks that he is giving you a hard time about it. It sounds like he just gets a little lonely since he has so much free time! It’s not going to ruin your relationship or anything, just sit down and help him understand how burnt out you are getting and ask him to be supportive when you need a happy hour with friends.

Post # 7
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think it’s totally normal!! i don’t see my friends often, because i’m so tired after work and i do want to go home to see my Fiance and dogs, but at least once a week i try to grab a cup of coffee or dinner with a friend… i also teach sunday school and try to have a lunch date with a friend or two every sunday.

even though it’s only a couple of hours a week; it makes the WORLD of a difference and keeps our relationship balanced!… Fiance tries to hang out with his best at least a couple times a month where all they do is veg out and play video games… he also goes out for a beer with coworkers every few weeks.

 

Post # 8
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think some down time is healthy.  I have the same issue with my Fiance – our work/school schedules are so off from each other that he’s pretty much the only preson I see all week.  He works most weekends and I value the alone time as much as I value the together time.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think it’s weird. I lived apart from Darling Husband for years and I don’t like the idea of “running home to my husband” because, frankly, I have other things I wnat to do! My life doesn’t revolve around him =-].

I still go out with my girlfirends, etc. I have classes–shoot, I was gone from 7am yesterday until 9pm last night. What’d I do? Had a snack, said hello, showered, went to bed.

I am in a better mood if my life isn’t work, husband, repeat. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week. Yes, I get up at 7am to LEAVE on a Saturday morning. I am in a mentally better place when I get my “me time” in and things “i” want to do. And in turn, that makes me a better, more pleasant wife to him.

My husband doesn’t work and is home All. The. Time. He doesn’t have anything to destress from! And when I’m crabby from a long day, he goes plays videogames downstairs and leaves me alone. The last thing I want is him to be all needy. I need to destress, BY MYSELF. Nobody else can do that for me. It’s just how I operate which i’m sure seems strange to some (I know peopel who pretty much are attached to their SOs and wouldn’t DREAM of doing anything without them, like grocery shop or work out or anything) but I just get annoyed if someone is on my hip all the time. Even if it’s my husband.

SO, in short, I think it’s normal. And healthy. And will help you not be annoyed with your husband. As far as the sad voice/puppy syndrom, he’ll get over it. He’ll find things to do. And once he realizes you’re just happier in general getting your you-time, he’ll encourage it.

Post # 11
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting “Me” time.  Its healthy.  You can’t be dependent on your Fiance for everything (not that you are, I’m just saying that’s good that you’re not).  I was in a similar situation not long ago.  We were both working crazy hours, we barely spent time together and on our down time, we both felt guilty if we did something with friends.  Once we talked about it, we realized we both felt the same way and it worked itself out.  I’d just bring it up to your Fiance.  He may not have any idea how you feel.  When he does, I’m sure he won’t make you feel guilty.

Post # 12
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Both FH and I each need our alone time. He teaches an evening class every Tuesday, and honestly, it’s great to have 3 or so hours to myself each Tuesday when I get home from work. I don’t do anything in that time that I couldn’t do if FH was home, but it’s nice to have the place to myself.

Sometimes if I just need a bit of alone time, but we’re both home, I will just take a shower or bath. I’ll take one a bit longer than my usual shower, and just decompress a bit. Use my “fancy” lotions and soaps and things, and relax some.

Post # 13
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We’re still trying to figure out how much me time we need. It’s hard because we both work long days and commute together, which saves time but gives us no time to decompress from work. ALso we are in a COndo so I can’t just send hime downstairs or out to the garage or something.

Post # 14
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think it’s totally normal to want alone time!  Some people are more dependent than others and want to spend every waking hour together, but I think most people aren’t like that!

My husband and I get our alone time in different ways.  He’ll be playing video games while I’ll being watching TV – so we won’t be hanging out, which can be relaxing.  I also make it a point to hang out with my best friend once a week.  Sometimes just us two girls hang out, and sometimes our husbands (well, her soon-to-be husband and my husband) hang out with us.  But I think I’d go crazy just hanging out with my husband all the time (and I LOVE him).  Even on our honeymoon, I went a little crazy being around him 24/7!

Just let him know that you love him and you love spending time with him, but you need some time to yourself or to hang out with your girlfriends.  If he spends some of his time hanging out with his friends, he should understand your desire to have that.

Also, if he works a lot less than you and has more free time than you do, you should ask him to help out more around the house (if he doesn’t do this already).  That might at least make it seem more fair if he’s doing house chores instead of just chillin’ while you’re at work!

Post # 15
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I think alone time is very important.  I don’t have that problem this semester, but last semester I did.  I had long days at school and my bf had an easier schedule and would come home and play video games and then when I got home, we would spend time together until we went to bed.  I love spending tme with him, but I love my alone time too.  I finally asked him to give me a couple hours every once and a while, so he wouldn’t come in the bedroom and I could just play around on the internet or watch a movie or read by myself.  At first he was mad and didn’t understand why I didn’t want to hang out, but then he got used to it.  Since moving in together, the one thing that I really miss is the alone time.  It’s completely normal to feel that way, I think.

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