(Closed) How important is asking your FSIL to be your bridesmaid?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I include my FSIL to be in the wedding party?
    Yes, she'll essentially be your sister and including family in the wedding party is very important. : (10 votes)
    38 %
    Yes, but make FH take her on his side. (But I shouldn't force FH, though, right?) : (1 votes)
    4 %
    No, but give her another role to help out at the wedding. : (14 votes)
    54 %
    You are silly, here is the solution to your situation: (Please explain in post.) : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think you should ask her.  I don’t know if there’s a reason you’re not close or if you just haven’t “clicked” but inviting her might help connect you two.  My Future Sister-In-Law asked my sisters and I when she and my brother got engaged and we were so excited – yes, for our brother getting married, but also to be part of the big day with our future sister in law.  Who knows, maybe wedding planning will bring you closer.

    I think there’s nice symbolism too – if I can get kinda deep – if your brother stands on his side and his sister stands on yours.  Like the joining of the families is for real. 

    Post # 4
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    My Future Sister-In-Law is not in our wedding party (and I was not in hers for her 2nd weding), but my brothers wife is.  She and I are jsut NOT close enough to have her stand for me or for my Fiance.  He was fine with it.  My brother and his wife are both in teh Bridal Party though, but she and I are very very close.  There is no obligation at all. 

    Post # 6
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I was asked by my Fiance to include her.  As a gesture of goodwill I complied.  My first choice?  No.  But I’m keeping the peace.

    Post # 7
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Oooh, that puts things in a different perspective.

    In that case, I might not ask her and include her in a different way.  I was assuming it was just matter of not knowing each other well or something.  You definitely don’t need that kind of drama!

    Post # 8
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Do what makes you happy! It sounds to me like having her in your bridal party will only add stress to you, and it also sounds like you really would rather involve your brother and have him stand up with you – I think that’s a great idea. I absolutely love the idea of having men in the bridal party (and actually seriously considered asking one of my best friends to be in my bridal party, and probably would have if we were having a larger party).

    If I were in your position, I would encourage my fiance to have his sister on his side, if it’s something that means alot to him, but if he doesn’t care either way you shouldn’t feel obligated to include her on your side.

    Post # 9
    3332 posts
    Sugar bee

    Personally, I don’t think it’s imperative that all siblings be involved in the wedding.  My husband didn’t ask my brother to be a groomsman and no one in my family was offended by this. I don’t think that you should HAVE to have someone as a Bridesmaid or Best Man if you really don’t want to…

    However, in your case, it sounds like having your Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding is very important to your Future Mother-In-Law.  My guess is that she wouldn’t keep bringing it up to you if she didn’t care about it.  It doesn’t sound like it’s a priority for your fiance, so then you’re in kind of a difficult situation. 

    In your particular situation, if you want to have your brother stand up on your side, then maybe you should go ahead and ask your Future Sister-In-Law to stand up on your fiance’s side?  It would be kind of a nice symbolic gesture and then she’s not technically a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  FWIW, if she really does expect/want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, offering her some sort of smaller wedding task probably won’t make up for the fact that she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  If she’s someone who likes drama, that might create more of a problem than excluding her completely.

    Post # 10
    321 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think it is disrespectful of your future inlaws to tell you who should be in your wedding party.  If they are paying for it, then let them pick the chair covers or centerpieces or something, but the people who stand up there with you should be the people you lean on in everyday life.  The people who support you and love you and all that mushy stuff, it is not a parade of people they deem to be worthy. 

    One of my close friends was outright obligated by her future inlaws and husband to have his sister as a bridesmaid even though my friend and the sister hated eachother.  It was the most forced, tacky display of ‘familial’ affection I’ve ever seen, it was like family politics.  My friend was very unhappy at having to spend so much time with this woman she couldn’t stand. 

    Sorry to rant, but I think a lot of people forget what this wedding thing is really about:  the bride and the groom announcing and celebrating their commitment to eachother.  Maybe I am too modern, or just completely wrong but this is how I view a marriage and thus the wedding.  You celebrate it however YOU please!

    Post # 11
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    My Future Sister-In-Law and I aren’t very close but we get along. I thought it was important to at least ask her…turned out she accepted and this experience has brought us closer.

    In my opinion, you should ask and leave it up to her to decide if she wants to be in your wedding or not. She will become family afterall, and you don’t want her to go around later telling everyone that you didn’t even ask.

    Post # 12
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I don’t think you should ask her. I’m not asking my Future Sister-In-Law. She is the complete opposite of me and we don’t even get along. She hasn’t said five words to me..and doesn’t care about anything but “her.” She barelys talk to my fiance unless it is for something, like help with her computer or her son. She isn’t even happy about our wedding because my fiance is the youngest and she has a son and is with a man that wouldn’t ask her if he life depending on it (but she put herself in that situation so don’t feel bad for her…) She thinks we’re still kids (though she lives with her parents and we actually have our lives in order)

    My Future Mother-In-Law is pushing it only because she believes she will “change” once gets asked. She is very it’s all about me, and for my wedding: I’m not sharing the spotlight for once in my life. If I ask her, than I would have to ask my FBIL’s gf too because Future Sister-In-Law would demand it so she would have someone to “talk” too. So I’m not. I won’t. I don’t care who says what or who gets mad. I’m done with the situation.

    There isn’t any etiquette in wedding saying it’s a must. If you want, give her some reading or something to do for the heck of it so she would feel involved. But, do not let yourself get pushed into something just because of your Future Mother-In-Law. You will just be unhappy about the decision..things always have a way of backfiring after a “nice gesture.”

    Post # 13
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I say no. If your brother was standing on his side, I’d say “eeeeh, yeeeesss I think” BUT since your Fiance doesn’t care to hve her in the wedding at all, just have your brother on your side (way sweet by the way) and if HE wants to include her, he can. I think it will reflect poorly on your FI–his mom will get mad he didn’t ask his sister to stand with him since it’s obvious you are forgoing trraditional gender roles. No biggee.

    Post # 16
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I always believe that the bride should have who she WANTS to have up there with her on her day! And that when people ask others to be in the wedding party out of obligation that is when you get drama!

    I am sure she will understand! Choose who you want to choose!

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