(Closed) How important is having similar careers to you??

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Actually, I’m a grad student in science, and in my field, it’s more recommended to NOT date within the field!  Generally it’s because when you’re looking for work, you could be looking for work together, and it’s harder to find somewhere with two similar job openings.  For example, Institute X has one position open, and my husband and I would both apply for it but only one could get it…  It can be hard.  A lot of couples get split up that way.

That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but it can take longer, or someone might need to compromise, espeically if they work in small fields with limited location.

In my case, my field is small with limited locations to work, but my Fiance has a job that’s needed everywhere.  So our differences work out really well in that case.

Post # 18
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would be more concerned with the possible intellectual inequalities. When I met Fiance, he was a stagehand (which is an uneducated, manual labor position) but he had a college degree and loves science and philosophy.Since I connected with him mentally, the career differences (and even differences in pay) didn’t bother me. It was more important for me to find someone who “got” me and who I could talk to without feeling like I had to talk down to, and vice versa.

But if you’re equal in that respect, and any income differences either now or in the future won’t bother you, then go for it.

Post # 19
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@chicagoworkinggirl:  It depends on your priorities. My husband is in the skilled trades and I’m a senior marketing manager – huge difference. When I go home, I don’t want to talk shop and we have lots in common other than work. Just because he’s not white collar doesn’t mean he’s stupid or that he doesn’t keep up with current events. 

A job doesn’t define you and I am more interested in what does – morals, value system, passions, interests, hobbies, etc. For me, I did want our income levels to match because the quality of life I’m interested in cannot be supported on minimum wage. So an ambitious person with a career was a factor, but not the career itself if that makes sense. 

Post # 20
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Nona99:  Hahahahaha +1,000. Hell, I moved to a damn farm with my country boy. And has anyone seen what skilled trades guys make? Hint: it’s a lot. Not sure why everyone looks down on them and assumes they are stupid. You don’t need an MBA to be smart. 

Sorry. These conversations offend me and I’m trying to be diplomatic. 

Post # 21
Member
10650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

There are advantages and disadvantages to both.  I wish Darling Husband and I had fields that were further apart, for job security.  If the industry tanks, we both might have issues.  I do enjoy being able to talk to someone who understands what I do though.

Post # 22
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MrsPanda99:  ….meh, you shouldn’t take it personally….people take one look at my husband and have to double take back to me….we’re from entirely different planets…but its funny how we’ve changed each other over the years…he can quote Shakespeare and Whitman and I can start a fire with a battery and steel wool! 

GO US!

Post # 23
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

@chicagoworkinggirl:  Darling Husband and I have the exact same career/position in different cities. And it works awesomely for us. People who enter our field have a certain mindset and worldview and we love sharing that with each other.

But, it doesn’t mean that two people in different careers can’t share the same ideals and philosophies–it just so happened we both chose the same career path. 

That’s the important part, though, sharing goals, big ideas and core values, not what you do from 8-5. Give it a shot! 🙂

Post # 24
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think having different careers is an issue, but for me personally, different education levels could potentially be an issue.  I don’t think I’d date someone without at least a bachelor degree, for example.  I think maybe that’s the bigger issue for you – you’re in business and he’s in trades so I presume the education level could be different?

If he’s a good guy and treats you well, you could make it work.  If you’ve been dating for a while and you feel the “gap” in understanding/world view is really big, it’s your shot to call.

Post # 25
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

I have no interest in my husband having a similar job. I like to come home and not have to talk medicine, and I’m sure he likes to come home and not talk about computer networks.

Post # 26
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@chicagoworkinggirl:  Honestly, I love my job, but at the end of the day if I had to come home and talk to my Darling Husband about computers, I’d hate it. I love that I can talk to him about something completely different.

Post # 27
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My job couldn’t be more different than my husband’s, but we’re both hardworking, both intelligent, both professional when we need to be, and both goal oriented. At the end of the day THAT is what’s important (to me), not being in the same line of work. Besides, having different careers gives us more things to discuss! I’m always learning neat things about his line of work and vice versa. Smile

Post # 28
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We have the same career (but different specialties within our field), but it wasn’t on purpose, we just happened to meet at school. I don’t think it is something you should have as a criteria for not being in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t really make a difference.

Post # 29
Member
8037 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think it comes down to ambition, honestly. I have a university degree and a well paying office job. My ex had no education beyond high school and worked a sales job. I could have overlooked the differences had he actually been motivated. He constantly bitched about his job and came up with get rich quick schemes. He often stayed home and slept and kept me awake when I was trying to go to bed at a decent hour since I had to go to the 9-5 job. It just wasn’t working.

My husband, on the other hand, has an office job as well and is probably more ambitious than I am. I don’t feel ashamed and frustrated because he won’t pull his weight like I did with my ex.

I think that if the guy you’re dating is a hard worker and is good at what he does and is making something out of himself then you have nothing to worry about.

Post # 30
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If talking about stuff you read in Forbes or business stuff is important to you, then I’d say it was pretty important.  If you guys can talk about other things in general and have a smart conversation otherwise, and that’s all you need, then no, it’s not imp.  We have similar careers (we did meet at work) as electrical engineers, but it’s not like we talk about it often for fun.  I would have totally been ok if he was a business guy or something else, I dont need to talk engineering with him.  As for city/country or life style, I think there can be a good compromise.  But if you want to go out to fancy dinners every weekend, and he wants to relax at home, and you can’t find a compromise, maybe not.  All depends on just how important these things are.

 

Post # 31
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@chicagoworkinggirl: It was never important to me to have a similar career as my Darling Husband. In fact, I prefer being in a completely different field because it is very interesting. However, we have similar life goals and that is what matters in my opinion. If you two are truly very different, the biggest issues down the road are where you both see yourselves living and how you’ll handle kids– ie, you want to stay in the city + he wants to move to the boondocks, or you want to be a working mom + he’s morally opposed to nannies.  Obviously not things you can just bring up in the beginning of a relationship! But keep your ears open.

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