(Closed) Do you care if you fit in at work/socialize with work people outside of work?

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Eh, I don’t really care at all. When I had my first job in my early 20s, it was important to me to fit in. I worked with a lot of young people and made a real effort to get “in” with them…would invite people to happy hour, host parties at my apt, etc. Wound up making some friends for life at that job.

I started a new job in a new city around the time I turned 30, and I just didn’t give a shit anymore about socializing with coworkers. After a year of working there, I am friendly with some of the girls in the office, but we’re all just sort of in a different phase of life at age 29-30 than I was when I first started working, so there’s not this intense socializing that I had in my old job. Sometimes we go to lunch or an occasional happy hr but that’s it. I am really more than fine with it.

Post # 3
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

Nope, not at all. When I was in my early 20s I did but now I go to work to work (< punctuation?) and could care less. I have met some real friends over time even in my 30s at work but it just happened organically and it didn’t bother me when there were stretches when I didn’t have friends. I have a couple of select pals now and avoid most people otherwise lol

Post # 4
Member
5938 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
summerbride2016:  I actually, usually, try NOT to be buddies with anyone from work. I don’t know, I think it’s bit me in the butt before. So I do just try to keep it all separate.

Post # 5
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee

I kind of do, but only because the majority of people my age in this city happen to also work for my company. I generally don’t have a lot of friends here, and work seems like one of my best opportunities to make new friends. 

Post # 6
Member
2619 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m not.  It bothered me at first because I moved to a new city for the job, and wanted to meet new friends.  However, most people at my work are older, and just in a different phase of life.  I guess I just don’t care anymore anyway.  Sure when they all go to lunch and don’t ask me, it hurts my feelings a bit, but I would rather just hang out with my Fiance and plan our wedding in my spare time anyway.

Post # 7
Member
4888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not at all. I work on a very small team, althogh have a couple coworkers who live in a different state. So, only working with 5 other people besides me. I don’t like a couple of my coworkers, so I could care less to see them more than I have to. But, the couple that live in a different state… we’d be good friends.

My team is very antisocial to begin with. Our manager is cool and tries to get the team to do more stuff together outside of work, but it’s such a pain making plans as no one cares to do anything. It’s like pulling teeth. It’s better that way, I suppose.

If this was 10 years ago, I loved all the people I worked with! It was fun to get together outside of work, and easy to plan cos everyone wanted to. I miss those days.

Post # 8
Member
2352 posts
Buzzing bee

I do, but I dunno if its different because I’m a teacher and we tend to stick together since the world hates us. LOL.  We have blook clubs together, and we go out for dinner. I’m not clubbing or anything like that. We also do a lot of school fuctions together. If so and so is going I’ll do it too.

There is an age break up though. There are the younger teachers late 20s, just having kids etc. Then there are the middle aged teachers with older kids or no kids at all, and then there are the ones close to retirement. While a few from all groups are in the book club together, we don’t go out of our way to hang out with each other on Saturday night. I know the younger ones have a card party every Saturday.  Us middle aged folks don’t really do that.

Post # 9
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

Not at all. I actually prefer not to see work ppl out of the office. I guess that makes me anti social haha

Post # 10
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

Not at all. But I’m probably not the best person to ask, since I have so few friends in general and I’m happy about it.

Post # 11
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
summerbride2016:  So I am a teacher and this is a really interesting topic to me. I work in a school with 75+ teachers. My principal seems to only hire young, pretty girls fresh out of college so there’s a large group of teachers who are about 22-27. These girls are always together, go on vacations with each other, hang out on weekends, etc. There’s a part of me that sometimes is a little jealous that they have such good work besties …. but then I see the drama.

So and so’s talking shit about so and so even though they’re supposed to be best friends. Another person didnt say hi to someone at the faculty meeting and now they think they’re mad at them. One teacher’s dating the technology guy who went on dates with a different teacher and then ignored her and never told her he’s dating the other girl. It seriously goes on, and on, and on.

I’m about 3 years older than most of them and I tend to hang out with the “older” women – my work “bestie” is 40 and married with two younger kids. I just feel like I have my own friends outside of work and while I am totally friendly and love to chat while at work, I just dont have time to be hanging out all the time! And honestly – on Friday, I just want to get the hell out of here!

Post # 12
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I like being friendly at work but I dont like extending it to my personal life outside the office. The occasional happy hour or whatever is fine but I dont need life gossip following me into the office.

Post # 13
Member
15279 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No, I don’t really care.  If we meet at work and become friends and hang out outside of work, then that’s great… good friends are hard to come by and I certainly wont discount anyone cause of how we met.  But if not, then no big deal either.  Once in a while there’s group or work people type outtings, but that’s still a work type superficial “friendship” imo.  My definition of a true (work) friend is one I would still be in contact with and see if I were to leave the company.

Post # 14
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

I have friends that I talk to alot at work but don’t socialize outside of work very often, mostly because we are all so busy with our kids and their sports. There was a time when there were girls I worked with that went to lunch every day and I was never invited or they would go through the office and offer to bring back food to everyone but me, so I knew it was definitely intentional and that stung but eventually it catches back up to them. In my profession we have to count on other people to help so you have to maintain some amount of pleasantries and honestly my boss saw (without me even saying anything) that one girl in particular singled me out and it left a bad taste in his mouth. She quit to move for her husbands work and when they moved back she asked for her job back and he said no he didn’t like the drama she brought. 🙂 

But you knowing the boss could definitely scare some people, especially if they gossip a lot. Don’t worry about it. I am sure that the longer you work there the more they will get to know you

Post # 15
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
summerbride2016:  I leave work at work and all the people I work with as well. Only 2 girls I kind comunicate with outside of work once in a while, mostly about work related stuff though. Otherwise no i dont socialize with my coworkers.

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