(Closed) Do you care if you fit in at work/socialize with work people outside of work?

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 16
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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Chance99:  Are tou an intravert? If you are then you are not antisocial, just an intravert like me. I only see my cooworkers at the Christmas party and a summer BBQ if there is one. That’s enough socializing with them for me lol

Post # 17
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I somewhat isolate myself at work… on PURPOSE. Work is for work. I even refused to give my boss my cell phone number. She has my home and if it’s an emergency she can use it. I don’t want to receive little texts for quick updates – that’s what our work email/chat is for. 

Granted, I work a semi-professional job, but I chose this type of job so I could have this type of approach. If I were in a more “serious” profession I’d aboslutely play office politics, but I’m lucky enough that I don’t have to.

I am very friendly and make sure I show up and support to any invite I receive, but I keep myself at such a distant that few invites are offered which is OK by me!

 

Post # 18
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I guess my work is weird. A lot of people are friends where I work. We go out to happy hour most weeks and I even invited most of my department to my wedding. I’m even friends with some of their spouses (I’m and engineer so it’s mostly men in my department). We range In age from 25 to 62. I don’t normally hang out o. The weekends though. When I moved to the area after college I didn’t know anyone and I’m really shy so I really loved how inviting everyone was. 

Post # 19
Member
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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summerbride2016:  I don’t need to be friends with my colleaugues outside of the office, but I at least need to like them and feel friendly at work

Post # 20
Hostess
4739 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t care if we’re besties, but I want to get along well and be invited to lunch once in a while. My coworkers can be very cliquey and take a long time to warm up to new people. Like you, I was super busy and didn’t mind so much, but after a while, I started really wishing that I would be included once in a while. I made an effort to be more friendly, and they accepted me. I still don’t go out with them and rarely go buy lunch, but having coworkers stop in to chat at the end of the day on Friday sometimes and having a more friendly vibe is definitely more enjoyable. Of course now that I feel like I get along well with my coworkers, I’m moving jobs and will have to start all over lol.

My FI’s closest friends are his work buddies. They hang out together all the time outside of work, but they have odd schedules, so I think it’s more normal in his field to be friends both at and outside of work.

Post # 21
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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summerbride2016:  I’m not, but that’s because I’m a substitute teacher so I never work with the same people two days in a row. There are a few I see from time to time and are friendly with, but not enough to become friends outside of work. 

Post # 22
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Current job: I have one job but two settings.  I work for a state agency, but I’m contracted into a school, where I spend majority of my work week.  But I still go to the state office during school holidays, for group supervision, etc.  Well with the state, I have 3 really good friends and we do things outside of work.  At school, where I spend most of my time, I do not get along well with them.  It definatley makes the day seem alot longer and a little more miserable not having anyone to talk to, eat lunch with, etc. But I know I have my family and friends to go to when I leave here, so it doesnt matter THAT much to me.

Previous job: I became really close with 3 of the girls at work.  3 years later, and they are some of my best friends and my biggest supporters!

Post # 23
Member
10491 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I have no desire to bring work home with me or be friendly outside of work. I work with scientists and doctors all day, 8 hours is about all I can take of that.

I used to work in cosmetology and was a lot closer to my coworkers in that field. I’m still friendly with them. So, I think it really depends on the job/industry/people.

Post # 24
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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summerbride2016:  Part of the reason I have not left the school I teach at is because all of us are such good friends. Some of us taught at the same school prior to getting hired at this one (school hires on recommendation), and we all just know each other so well and IMO that leads to success for the kids. We attend each others birthday celebrations, weddings, bachelorette parties, random weeknight dinners together, etc…Our spouses have become friendly too. I really think it’s part of how we survive teaching in NYC with such difficult students and work environments.

Post # 25
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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summerbride2016:  I only care because my closest friend moved away, then my entire team turned over and now I’m a good 5 years older than my immediate team. They are all very young in the way the act around the office and professionally. So in realiy I wouldn’t want to hang out with them outside the office but it still stings when I see stuff pop up on Facebook or they are planning something in our open office… 

Post # 26
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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summerbride2016:  My company is very focused on its culture, and whether or not you fit the culture is a big deal (to the point that interviews literally take all day because you meet just about everyone in the company). There’s a question of “fit” regarding attitude and workplace ethics more than personality or abilities.

That said, I do fit in well with my coworkers and like them overall; I’ll eat lunch with them and chat at breaks or stay behind a little at quitting time to talk. But I don’t generally socialize with them outside of work. I’ve gone to a Super Bowl party at the home of one, and gone to a hockey game with a few others. We’ve gotten drinks as a group before, and a huge group of us ran a 5K together recently. But typically, I don’t hang out with them outside of work.

Post # 27
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I like feeling friendly with my coworkers but am not driven to be friends with them.  It depends on the person, I suppose.  Just because you work with them doesn’t mean you have to enjoy hanging out with them, too.  If you want to be more social with them, you can always start it!  Stop by people’s offices to say hello at first; bribe them by bringing in snacks; and invite people to join you for lunch.  People will talk and wonder about your connection to the big boss, but they just need time to see what they think of you, too.

Post # 28
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I never really liked hanging out with coworkers outside of working hours. Like 8 hours a day really wasn’t enough, I don’t need to see people who reminded me of work of all things. 

If I was ever left out, it did sting a tad, but as I started getting invited more and more, I realized it was a small blessing not being invited lol. I never really had much fun since they usually talked about something related to work when we were out, and I didn’t want to be that person who had an excuse every single time, so about every other time i would go. 

ETA: in the office where I used to work, it was mostly females and they were extremely drama-driven, so that was also a HUGE turn off when it came time to hang out with them outside of work. I don’t like to be involved in that kind of petty stuff. I suppose if they were more mature, it might be a bit more fun hanging out with them. 

Post # 29
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Absolutely not. Not in a million years. I am close with one woman in my office, but other than that, I don’t even bother. I am the youngest in my office and the next oldest is 43. There are only four of us in the office. I’m not really bothered by not having work friends. I go in, do my job, leave, and then go home to my life that doesn’t include anything from my work world. It’s nice. Freeing.

Post # 30
Member
4236 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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summerbride2016:  Well, everyone I currently work with are lawn maintenance guys who do not speak English and the other three managers that are a generation older than I am (meaning old enough to be my parents), so no, I don’t hang out with them. In my old job, I worked in a small branch with only one other girl and even then we never hung out. We were total opposites in every possible way. It’s not that we didn’t get along, we did, but she just wasn’t my idea of a good time nor was I hers. The other women in the main branch hung out, but it was a weird dynamic there…they all mostly already knew each other prior to working and some had been in relationships with each other, etc. I never felt left out if I saw them out together. 

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