Post # 1
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
Seriously…how important is it to get married on what is considered an “auspicious” day? Am I the only one who thinks that while this is an okay tradition to consider for your wedding, it shouldn’t be the main factor in the decision-making? Or am I wrong?
Case in point – we have a great venue and a great date chosen. Until SO’s mom tells us it is not an auspicious date (per their culture and calendar) to get married at all. It’s not even a neutral day, it’s NOT a good day. At. All. We can do the next day – Sunday, which means very few of my family and friends will be able to make it to the wedding because the venue is upstate, away from the city, and there will be work the next morning for most of them. I mean, I don’t foresee them taking a day off just to attend a wedding.
I’ve thought about it and I’ve tried talking myself out of it – after all, what’s a Sunday versus Saturday, and as long as my immediate family is there, then who cares if other people (who may or may not have been an integral part of my life) won’t be able to make it? Fine. However, what I cannot reconcile is the whole idea of an “auspicious” day and abiding by it to the letter. They even gave us an “auspicious” time to do it, which only gave us about 2 hours within that day that is extremely awkwardly placed since we are doing 2 ceremonies on the same day!
Does this sound absurd to anyone else? I’m pretty indifferent, but if we’re going to end up paying the same price despite the fact that we will have less people (minimums apply) and we can only do the ceremony at a specific time…I mean, really???
Or will I be setting our marriage up for disaster by not agreeing to this? Because you know, I always thought that a wedding day is auspicious in it of itself because it’s a day YOU’VE decided to make the happiest day of your lives, not because other people said so. And that a marriage is happy and lasting because YOU make it so, not because you got married on the wrong date.
And how do I explain to my SO that while I completely respect his culture, I don’t think a date makes or breaks a marriage – it will be us – without sounding unsupportive and selfish because I really want it to be on a Saturday so more of our family and friends can celebrate with us?
Post # 3
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
Is your SO Indian?
Just asking because it’s also an Indian tradition to have wedding on an auspicious date. My parents Offered to take my husbands and my horoscopes to someone to find a date, and I told them no way, we picked our date and that’s that.
Ive had cousins get married within a month, one even a couple of weeks after they got engaged because it was one of the only ‘auspicious’ dates or they’d have to wait a year to do so.
In India it has to do with zodiac /astrology that much I know, but I feel like personally, the date is auspicious already, because it’s already your wedding day, I mean what can be more favorable than that?
Post # 4
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
it’s only as important as you make it. for some it’s very important, and if it doesn’t kill you, you may have to give in. I mean, if you start the wedding off on the wrong foot, they may blame you for its failure later (for not following an “auspicious date”).
or you could have the wedding and marriage on separate days? get MARRIED on an auspicious date, but have the WEDDING on a day everyone can come on. that’s a thought.
Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
We paid no attention to the date beyond “A Saturday in April or late March.” We got married on 4/20. I guess, uh, in certain subcultures that’s a very auspicious day?
Post # 6
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
@distracts: as I live in Colorado…… lmao.
Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
@ishafortin: Yes, he is Indian but he is pretty much an agnostic and non-practicing. I am Catholic, faithful in that I attend Church every Sunday and follow Christian values, but definitely not a stalwart devotee or anything like that.
However, my SO has now decided that we need to accommodate his mother’s request, which limits our options severely. AND if I wanted to complicate things more, the days that the Hindu calendar deem as auspicious are INauspicious in the Chinese calendar (I am half-Chinese), so that’s a huge fail in my book. An even more epic fail is that our Chinese zodiac signs are the worst possible matches according to the all-knowing elder we consulted (for the record, this same elder also told me years ago that my now-ex’s sign and mine were the best match – he ended up cheating on me).
You can see why I am not sold on this at all, and I agree with you completely – I think that the day becomes “auspicious” because you’ve decided to make it so, not because a calendar, moon, stars, sun, planets, charts, etc. say so.
If I agree, I’m afraid that I will unleash a Pandora’s box of things we have to “accommodate” for our parents because I can guarantee you my mother will insist on having her way on something if we said yes to their side. I thought this planning process was supposed to be a happy one… Two months in and all I’ve gotten out of it is a migraine…
Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
@distracts: Omg, I would totally use that if I could. What culture has March 8th as an auspicious day…?
Post # 9
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@newbeeatweddingbee: all superstitions and beliefs seems absurd to those that don’t believe them.
Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
@newbeeatweddingbee: I think you should get married on whatever day you want. I don’t foresee I you getting on a certain day condemning your marriage for failure.
Post # 11
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
We are getting married 10-10. I’m an astrologer (as a hobby) and it was something I considered, but much like I approach astrology in general, it was just for informational purposes. I know how it will affect us both (the date) and that it’s not during a time when the sky is going through anything weird. HOWEVER, there is always something going on no matter what and you just have to go with your personal choices.
I have a thing with 0,1 and 2. That was another reason. And I love the number 10.
Lastly, there is never a day that is bad for “love”. =)
Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
I don’t believe in all that mumbo jumbo, but if it means a lot to your mom in law then I would say just pick a date that she approves of. You won’t hear the end of it if you pick a “bad” day. And if she believes it, your future inlaws probably all do as well-they may not even come to the wedding!
Post # 13
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
I wanted our date to be interesting in some way, but for our own reasons. We have 4/11/15, which is 9 days after our 9th anniversary, and 4+11=15, which I think is great. If someone were to tell me it’s an unlucky day? Tough. We’re making it a lucky day!
Post # 14
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
@newbeeatweddingbee: FI and I chose to get married in December 2014. We told his mom (who fairly religious, Greek Orthodox) about our plans and she had no issues with it as long as we didn’t get married between something along the lines of December 2-25, I can’t recall the exact dates she said.
She didn’t want us to get married between these days because something related to Jesus (again, I don’t recall — I’m catholic) and we were happy to do so. We’re getting married December 28th.
I figure if you can work around religious-related-dates then do it, it just makes things much easier in the long run in making your future inlaws happy, it also shows them that even though you may not share thier beliefs, you respect them.
Post # 15
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
We are getting married on Halloween. It’s the day we met so it is special to us. I get a lot of weird looks from people when I tell them our date but it’s our wedding, not theirs! If the date is special to you and your FI you should get married on that date. Unless it will cause a huge rift with the family, I think you should do what you guys want to do.
Post # 16
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
@newbeeatweddingbee: I don’t really think the date matters … mind you i still read my horoscopes sometimes lol and found out i was born on a full moon did make me a lil happy so ya lol
I wanted to get married on a full moon … not b.c. of luck or anything like that i just wanted it to be big and beauitful and bright so b.c. of the key whole glassed in courtyard i could look up and see it and my new hubsand dancing under it lol …
well i found a few next year … one on a sunday … *the super moon* brightest of the year sadly its booked
but there is another on a friday the 13th lol my mom flipped out sayng i cant get married on a friday the 13th insisting its tempting fate and maybe ppl would not show up at all b.c. someppl avoid going on on friday the 13 and the full moon on top of it she was like NO
i respected that i now doing it the saturday b4 the super moon in aug or i thinking of another day
i dont think there is truth to it but i think if it will stress u or the ppl in ur life out why care what day its on a day is a day is a day
be sensitive to the ppl who are unconfy with it in ur close family they matter the day it self not so much
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