Post # 1
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
…that you don’t want him to:
-walk you down the aisle
-give a toast at dinner
-or have a daddy/daughter dance with you?
I was going to let him have all of these things even though things were rough with my parents. But then we got into this ginormous fight (long long story) and he got in my face, said I was lucky he hadn’t killed Fiance, and a bunch of other stuff. Then my mom tried to tell me he was kidding about the threat.
I’m so hurt. I’ve given them a million chances and I feel trampled on. This is the final straw. I don’t want him having any part in my big day accept being my dad, attending. And the only reason they are getting in invitation is so they don’t fight down security trying to get in.
I know all of this may seem harsh, but you don’t know my situation at all, so I just need ideas on how to tell him.
Should I send him a letter in the mail or call him? Just thinking about saying those words “Dad I’ve been thinking and I don’t want you walking me down the aisle on my big day” is enough to make me wanna run to the restroom and throw up. I can’t handle confrontation this emotional.
Post # 3
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Maybe just say that your not doing some things….no aisle walking partners/daddy-daughter/mom-son , and toast?
My dad passed away and my wedding will still be amazing and traditional as it can be.
Post # 4
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
@SleepingWithNuns:
I agree with Mrs.Argentina… You can tell him that your not gonna do those stuff, dont tell him that he wont do it.. just say that its not gonna be included in your wedding.. š Im sorry about your relationship with your dad.. I hope it gets better..
Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
I agree with the posters above. I’d let him know (either over the phone or in person, becasue reading it in print doesn’t let you convey tone) that aspects x,y, and z will not be at your wedding.
And it doesn’t seem harsh. My father isn’t invited at all. People understand that families aren’t always perfect and people don’t behave the way that they should. *hugs* I hope you have strength and can be strong when you tell him that you’re not doing these things. You’ll be ok.
Post # 6
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
I agree with PP, but also you could try to just be honest with him. Tell him that you really feel hurt by what has happened and that you want your parents there but only as guests.
Just make sure you are certain about this before letting him know, you could potentially ruin your relationship with your parents forever. I don’t know what has happened so I’m sure that is something you have already thought about.
Good luck!
Post # 7
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
I think you just do it. I have a motto “If I am afraid, I will have to do it afraid.” He can handle the truth especially since he didn’t hesitate to share some of his “truth” with you. I think he is fortunate to be invited at all.
Post # 8
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
I am prepared to lose my relationship with them for a very long time.
They obviously don’t want one with me. And if they do, they don’t respect me like their daugther
Post # 9
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
Oh my god. I’m thiiisss close to calling my dad right now and telling him that we won’t be having any daddy/daughter mother/son dances, no parents toasting, and no one walking me down the aisle. But I’m so nervous as to how he’s going to react that I think I might throw up. Tell me I can do this, because the longer I put this off the harder it will be
Post # 10
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I Believe in you!!
I am sorry for your crappy situation. The best bet is to phone him, I think at least. I couldn’t do face to face. Over the phone would be much easier.You may want to write down some of the things you want to say first, it will help you keep your thoughts together a little more.
I have been considering having my dad walk me to the altar and then walking the rest by my self. I know it is kind of silly but it is also kinda symbolic. The way I find it symbolic is because my father didn’t give me away I made that journey on my own… I know it is anti traditional but it is the way I feel. You could probably use that for a bit of justification. If you need… just a thought.
Good luck and remember you are strong and you can do it! Good luck!
Post # 11
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper
You can do this. If you feel strongly enough about it (and I believe you do) then just jump and go for it.
I also have a somewhat precarious relationship with my father and had to tell him (twice) that indeed he is not walking me down the aisle and we’re not dancing or pretending he has ever been father of the year. (Short Review: Divorced parents, absent father, lies, bs, no trust, etc.)
It will be okay. Those things are NOT necessary. Your wedding will be perfect regardless of things such as dances or aisle walking.
Post # 12
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee
I’m sorry hun, it’s a hard thing to say, but obviously your relationship with your dad at this point in time does not reflect the average daddy-daughter dynamic. I think it needs to be said, and as you said, sooner is better than later. Be prepared for the fall-out and come back here if you need some bee love and support. xoxo
Post # 13
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
@SleepingWithNuns: You can do this, and you know what, sometimes the fear of doing it is worse than dealing with it afterwards. You can get much more worked up with the ‘how will they react’ than having to just deal with whatever the real reaction is.
I agree with the bees above. You know that this is what you want/have to do, these parts of the wedding are not requirements, and we’re all here for you when you do have the discussion and come back for support.
Post # 14
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
As hard as it will be, I think you need to bite the bullet and be upfront and truthful with your dad while remaining respectful. It will be a very scary / sad moment, but I think you are better being honest than coming up with an excuse because as they say…. the truth will set you free. However, I would think about it long and hard first because there may be some serious fallout. Good luck.
Post # 15
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
Honee, I completely understand. My suggestion is to tell him now what you want. Regardless of what he or your mother say, let them know that its your decision. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
My Mom and siblings had to wear me down to invite my Dad to my wedding. He of course expected to walk me down, which was pure crazy.(We can’t be in the same room w/out WW3 happening) Although I wasn’t thrilled when he decided to give a toast, the day was soo great I just let it happen. And to be honest, it was quite moving and meant alot to me. Yes, Dad and I don’t see eye to eye but it worked out in the end.
Post # 16
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
If it were me, I wouldn’t bring it up until he does. Why bring up another issue? But when he asks just be prepared to casually tell him oh, yah, I decided we’re not doing that.
This coming from someone who is completely nonconfrontational tho.
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