Post # 1
How involved is a bride allowed to be in the planning of her bridal shower? Or bachelorette? Or engagement party? If someone has made it clear to the bride they’re going to arrange any of these parties, is the bride allowed to be in on the planning in any way?
I’ll leave this open ended, and leave out any personal details.
Post # 2
My feeling is no. You are not the host, you are the guest of honor. The host is the one who pays, plans and organizes according to budget and taste. He or she can certainly ask for input from you, but you should not make suggestions that are not solicited.
Post # 3
I think it depends. I’ve planned various bach. parties for friends, and most were left in the dark with what we were doing but had an idea so it didn’t catch them completely off guard. I wanted to know that they liked the ideas I (or we if it was more than me planning) had.
My sister hosted my bachelorette party, and the bridal shower for friends and our side of the family. She really had no idea what to do, so we brainstormed ideas together and so I knew what was going on. Granted, some stuff she left as a surprise… but for the most part, I knew.
I had another shower that was put on my FI’s aunts and female cousins, and I knew nothing that was going to go on – besides that they would just be serving desserts.
I am also older (33), so I didn’t want stuff that I’ve already done with friends that had gotten married before me. No party buses (although they are fun), and just wanted something for my friends to be together and hang out. We ended up doing a painting party, and then hit up a bar in town for more drinks and chatted with one another. It was perfect.
Post # 4
I think it varies. As far as being allowed I think you should be able to do what you want, afterall, it is about you.
For my bridal showers, I didn’t really have an opinion on much and my friends & family pretty much did what they wanted. For my bachelorette, I told my Maid/Matron of Honor where I would like to go, and her and the rest of the girls planned the rest.
However, on the other side, My Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married soon and I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor. For her bachelorette, she chose where to spend the weekend and I planned it out. She knows everything we are doing except for one night, and we are keeping it a secret to surprise her…but she’s ok with that…or I guess she is anyway. lol
Post # 5
I think anything you do should be minimal. You shouldn’t have any input on what types of decorations, where/what/when things will be done, served, ect.
I did however end up picking up a few decorations for my bridal shower ONLY because I ran into them and they were just too cheap to pass up. I ended up getting all tableclothes, balloons, streamers, cups/plates/silverware, banners and tabletop decorations [enough for 6 tables] for $4! All they needed to do was provide a helium tank.
My girls were super happy they didn’t need to buy decor, and I stayed out of the rest of the planning. They were able to get more/better food with the money they didn’t spend on the decor.
Post # 6
When it came to bachlorette, I stepped in with a few opinions.
I basically said no bottle service, no strippers. The rest is up to them. I’ve always been a casual, pub type of girl, so I’d feel pretty uncomfortable if we did an expensive DT club with bottle service, or surrounded by strippers.
I mentioned a few fun options, like manicures and movies, champagne and macaroons, winery tours, or just a movie night with pizza and junk food like the kind we had when we were 13.
Post # 7
this is actually a very irritating topic for me. my Maid/Matron of Honor planned my bridal shower with some help from me but my bach party she said the bride isnt suppose to know and i couldnt know anything or even give suggestions. (i would have done something different than what she had planned) but fast forward 5 years and its her turn she has EVERYTHING to do with the bridal shower and she WILL NOT do something she doesnt get a say in for her bach party!!! she wa very bridezilla-ish.
Personally i think the bride should have a say in both of the partys. maybe more so for the bridal shower and maybe for her bach party have a few suggestions and then the Maid/Matron of Honor and other girls can pick from those and still plan a fun suprising party for her! 🙂
Post # 8
Very little since the bride is not the host. The bride should provide a guest list (that way no one is invited who isn’t invited to the wedding) and make clear anything she does not absolutely want (like no strippers during a bachelorette or no games that would make you uncomfortable at your bridal shower).
Post # 9
missanonybee53: I think involvement should be pretty minimal. In particular, I don’t think brides should be asking anyone to throw them these parties; they should wait for someone to offer. The one thing I do think it’s appropriate for the bride to have say in is anything that might lead to significant expense/inconvenience for other guests. For instance, my bridesmaids know that I’m not OK with one of those big expensive trips for a bachelorette party, because I don’t want people to feel compelled to spend a lot of money on a party for me. And of course, the bride should help with guest lists if the host doesn’t know who should be invited, such as future in-laws.
Post # 10
I was asked for dates I preferred and what I didn’t want (strippers) and what would I really like. I gave my preferences, the guest list and contact info for anyone the planner didn’t personally know. That was about it.
I’ve stayed out of it mostly, though since I knew about my shower I helped load and unload, moved tables around during set up, etc. It’s not like I was going to stand around and let the others work when I was right there!
Post # 11
I would modify my answer to also say minimal involvement based on some of the points others have made.
In terms of a guests, a shower is supposed to be low key and include only your closest friends and family. The bride is not entitled to hand her a massive list, for instance. I definitely agree that she should not be forced into anything she doesn’t want to do, or that goes against her beliefs, including having these functions at all. An exception being a surprise shower or something like that.