(Closed) How involved and enthusiastic is your guy with wedding planning?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 31
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

My fiance has been far more involved than I ever expected him to be. I am the planner in our relationship so when it comes to things like parties or vacations, it’s all up to me. I’m still doing most of the research, but he’s come with me to meet all the vendors and definitely has strong opinions about what he does and doesn’t want. We’ve also discussed things like timeline and decor and he always has an opinion there too. He has also surprised me with some pretty specific details he would like, and I’m glad to let him take point on those. 

We also used a family diamond for my e-ring and he has been so involved in creating the ring! I was so surprised. 

Post # 32
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

Mine:

**picked our 1st dance song 

**Attended food tasting

**Attended cake tasting

**Attended DJ meeting

**gave preferences & opinions throughout 

:+)

Post # 33
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

I’m from Malaysia ๐Ÿ™‚

My fiance is extremely involved in all the planning, I talk to him all the time about it to the point I’m actually worried I sound so repetitive haha. We went to look at the packages together, picked the dress and rings together, and discussed for months about the choice of venue etc. He’s also rather vocal about what he likes and doesn’t like, for example I would show him a pretty dress and he’d say the lace design is hideous etc, as I’m a perfectionist I ask him about everything as I don’t want him to think a part of the wedding is bad!

Nevertheless he’s pretty easygoing about everything and love discussing with me, but I do know many grooms (my friends’ husbands or boyfriends) who are not into wedding planning at all. To them, marriage is important but weddings aren’t important, especially the details. They see no difference between white or ivory, roses or lilies, ballgown or mermaid…to them it’s just a colour, flowers, and a dress.

Some of my friends grumbled that their fiances don’t really care and leave them to plan for everything. I think it’s just the mentality of the guys, as my Fiance thinks every detail is really important since it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing. (although I’m more obsessed than he is tho!)

Post # 34
Member
2544 posts
Sugar bee

We’re about equally involved/interested! However, it’s not that he’s super interested in the minute details, it’s that I’m not all that interested in them either. I have laughed about how it’s basically like two stereotypical straight guys getting married. I don’t know the names of any flowers, i couldn’t care LESS about place settings etc. etc. Thank god for my super type A sister who has taken full control, as well as my parents. 

We are quite helpful in our own areas though – I’m into art and design (by trade and hobby) so I was interested in things like photographer research and sign design etc. He’s a former chef so he was all about getting the right food and caterer. 

He was the one that was more in a rush to get married than I was really. I could have waited another year, so i think he also recognizes that and makes an effort to pull his weight. 

Post # 35
Member
2544 posts
Sugar bee

Also, as someone not so interested in minor details I have to say that disinterest in the details does NOT directly corelate with disinterest in being married. I can’t wait to be married to him, and the wedding will be a really fun way to celebrate it symbolically, but if someone else weren’t doing the majority of the planning and paying I would be having a 30 person BBQ. 

Post # 36
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Guys are totally less involved in the wedding planning, they don’t care much about fuss and frilly matchy details. Culture doesn’t matter, it’s purely a gender thing. I felt a little disparaged as well when my Fiance wasn’t exactly over the moon excited with planning, searching the perfect invite for hours online with me, or comparing shades of purple rose petals, etc …. They’re guys. Simple minded, typically pretty  practical, unconcerned. And I think most of them know and or assume that the bride will do all of the grunt work anyway ๐Ÿ˜‘ … My Fiance has had some input on the venue, (that I found) he’s been pretty interested in the suits, he’s particular on who he wants to invite, and he wants food. That’s about as much help as I’ve gotten, so don’t feel alone! 

Post # 37
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

View original reply
wolfeyes :  This sounds like us. I really don’t give two hoots about all the decor details. Walked into a rental showroom, pointed at a farm table and chair set up they had on display then said that’ll do, exactly like that. “Don’t you want to see a catalog?” NO, I want to be done with this. ๐Ÿ˜ 30 person BBQ sounds awesome btw. We’re basically have a 40 ish person picnic. ๐Ÿ˜„

Post # 38
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

To answer the question Fiance is not very involved. This kind of stuff isn’t his thing but he failed to realize its not mine either. If I ask for an opinion he’ll give it but mainly his attitude is pick what you like and lmk how much needs to be paid. 

Post # 39
Member
2544 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
heavenlyflower :  Haha yup that’s been my approach as well! We’re having a 125-150 person farm wedding, and I’m both grateful and wary of the fact that my family has basically planned this giant wedding I’m showing up to. My sister and parents keep trying to force me to care about things that I just can’t – such as repeated questions about flowers, types of chairs and glasses, types of seating arrangements.. it’s like planning a wedding where i’m the disinterested husband and my sister is the bridezilla 

Post # 40
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My guy is quite involved.  I’m in the drivers seat as far as researching goes, but he’s accompanied me to every meeting with the venue, caterer, etc, & skype calls together with the DJ and Officiant.  Last month I asked him if he wanted to come with me to a linens appointment and his reply was “I’m down! What’s a linens appointment?” He’s the best.  The only conversations he hasnt really been involved in are with the ceremony musicians and the florist. 

I put him in charge of choosing our photographer, thats more in his field of expertise.  My guy even took the photos for our Save the Dates, and they came out beautifully!

And he lets me bore him with all the wedding details to my heart’s content! Sometimes I’ll say “oops, sorry, too much wedding talk” but he will urge me to continue and is really interested in it all (or at least pretends to be, what a sweetheart!).

Post # 41
Member
3654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

My Fiance is very involved but in a specific way. He won’t initiate the research into anything, I take care of that, but he has opinions on everything. So I pick out a thing, I ask his opinion, and we go from there. He has had opinions about things I didn’t think he would even care about, like what font to use for the envelopes. 

I’m pretty flexible in most of the wedding stuff, so if there’s something he really likes (or doesn’t like) I’ll go with what he wants, but his default position is “whatever makes you happy, hun.”.

Also if I give him something to be in charge of, he’ll take care of it and I don’t have to remind him. He’s in charge of all post ceremony music. I trust he’ll get it done and he’s now the point person for the musician.

Post # 42
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Mine isn’t too involved. Basically, I do all the research and present him with potential options and he says he’s ok with it or vetos it. He has attended all the vendor meetings though!

 

Edit: My mom is Singaporean ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 44
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

He wants to know how much everything will cost, but not interested in actually finding and meeting vendors, etc. I will say he went with me to every venue we visited, which was about 11- so I give him props for not giving up on me after the first 2. Oh and he says “He thinks the tall, big flowers on tables are too much.” Okay, honey, okay. 

Post # 45
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

We’re in Thailand (FI Thai, I’m not). He’s been very involved because my Thai isn’t good enough to communicate about all the details! He’s not too bothered about what we choose though, just wants to get it organised.

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