(Closed) How involved are your parents and your fiance’s parents in the wedding planning?

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

sorry you are having drama…

my mom is somewhat involved – but not too much – she’s not bossy at all – and they are paying for half the wedding – she, like me, is fairly laid back and is cool with most of my decisions.

his parents couldn’t be further from involved…they’re not paying for diddly either. ๐Ÿ™

i like his mom a lot (step mom…real mom died when he was 12) – but she doesn’t work and his father – while I like him, don’t get me wrong – is just stingy with his money.

but yeah – it’s pretty much me and my Maid/Matron of Honor planning this wedding! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m very sorry that you are having some issues with your mom ๐Ÿ™

My mum is really involved, but follows whatever I want 98% of the time.  I didn’t expect her to be so unopinionated, but she has been and I’m super thankful for that.  (She is also paying for 80% of the Canadian wedding).  His parents have also thankfully been helpful but allowed us to do our own thing (they are not giving any money). 

Post # 5
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My parents a really involved. Not in a bad overbearing way. I am really enjoying as are they.They are AMAZING!

FI’s parents on the other hand couldn’t care less. Shortly after we were engaged FI’s mom meet my mom and blatanly tells us “I don’t want anything to do with this wedding. Just tell me a date, time, and location and I’ll show up.” None of us had even mentioned the engagement or wedding we were trying to introduce our moms. She then went on about how she did it with her daughter and it was too much work. FI’s sister didn’t have a big wedding she had two witnesses and had a basic civil ceremony with no guest. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I don’t really understand how that was too much work. Now his dad on the other hand hasn’t even really acknowledged anything for the wedding. One day Fiance was trying to tell him the date and he was excited so he wanted to tell his dad about the venue and what not. His dad just ignored it three times continuing on about himself. Finally Fiance was like DAD do you want to know when the wedding is? and he was able to briefly talk to his dad about it.

It only bothers me that his parents don’t care because it bothers him. I would be upset if my parents didn’t care.

Post # 6
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Both sets of parents are pretty involved.  My Future Mother-In-Law more so than my mom, even though mine is paying for a lot more than Future Mother-In-Law.  Everyday she is asking me about and buying decorations for the ceremony and reception.  Or she has another “idea”.  LOL.. I think she is more into it than me!

Post # 7
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My mom and I are like a power team! It’s been so much so far. My Dad is pretty involved but more of a “well that’s a good idea! whatever makes you happy” lol. His parents are interested and I’m trying to keep his mom especially included just because it’s the right thing to do. But when it comes down to it, it’s my parents paying (and us contributing some). But I personally can’t get over how excited my normally calm and composed mom is! It makes me very excited ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My mother is not speaking to me and making all suggestions and side comments through family members (better for me, they filter out the B.S.)  We’re paying for everything ourselves, I flat out denied everyone’s requests for extra people to invite, I don’t need that one snowballing out of control.  It’s not just if they’d offer to pay the food, there’s drinks, favors, countless other little expenses… Plus make one exception, then everyone wants to bring someone and pay for it.

My Future Mother-In-Law is helpful and excited to no end, thank god for her.  She’s making all the cookies for the cookie table, made all the decorations, and is making stuff for the dinner the night before.  

Post # 9
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

His parents aren’t involved at all. They really only know minor details like where and when. Hes not really close with his family.

My parents are paying the whole bill. My mom is a florist so she is doing all the floral related stuff. I picked it all out and she is doing it. I’m not one to let her do what she wants, I understand they are paying but it is MY wedding. My dad doesn’t really care about anything, him and Fiance agree- cancel the reception and finish the house :/

Post # 10
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My parents are more involved than my FI’s parents.  Part of it is that they’re contributing about 85% of the budget, and the other part is that its located in the town they live in.  They really haven’t said much though, we’re lucky that our parents pretty much trust us enough to make our own decisions.  Although, now that I’m thinking about it objectively, I have to say, I don’t think we’ve given them many opportunities to chime in.  The venue, food and alcohol were aspects we definitely had to include them in on.  The rest has been all us. 

I’m sorry you’re Mom is trying to be so controlling.  I’m sure its just that she wants the very best for ya.  Not that knowing that eases the frustration.  I hope you’re able to continue brushing off her ideas. 

Post # 11
2468 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

my parents are very involved, mainly as an emotional support (as well as financial)–i talk things through with them (after fi and i discuss) and they help us narrow down choices. but we’re pretty much on the same page about everything though, and when we disagree they stand down because they understand it’s what we want that matters. and usually those are like tiny unimportant things.

fi’s parents are also involved, but it’s a different dynamic and they have a much more complicated communication style (imo…). they have stronger opinions about what’s proper and his mom will kind of nag me about things that we disagree about until she finally gives up. like, i know she’s really not happy that i’m hand addressing the invitations instead of printing or using a calligrapher (helloooo it’s more personal this way? gaaaaah), but finally she gave up. and they’re hosting the rehearsal dinner and day-after brunch, and they’re kind of territorial about it. i would have preferred comining all the contributions and making all the plans together, but this is how they wanted it. so we plan the wedding our way, with them providing input when they want, and they do the rd their way, occasionally asking for input but mostly leaving us out of the decisions

Post # 12
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My mom and are are doing most of the planning together. She had offered some advice but really doesn’t try to point me in any direction, she is just along for the ride. My parents are paying for almost all of our wedding so I really try to keep them in the loop so they know what they are paying for.

My inlaws are not contributing any money towards to the wedding and the only contributions that are making is trying to ruin the wedding. I tried to share information with them at first and they were so nasty about every decision they made that we decided they did not need to be involved in the planning.

I’m sorry your mom is being like that. I have known a lot of brides whose mom’s have been very controlling. I just think it is a difficult time for our mothers and they don’t know how to be involved.

Post # 13
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

None of the parents are very involved in making decisions about the wedding. It’s not in a mean way, or that they don’t care (quite the opposite!!! They are SO excited!!), but all 3 sets of parents pretty much said the same thing: “you two are adults, this is YOUR wedding, you should do what you want” – which I’m cool with!

I bounce ideas off my mom once I have choices narrowed down, and Future Mother-In-Law loves to hear details, so we update her as decisions are made. We are paying for 90% of the wedding ourselves, but I don’t feel like their level of participation is tied to their $ contribution – it’s just how they are (and we’re not kids, been on our own for several years, etc.)

Post # 14
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Both of my parents are helping out in some way financially (dad 75%, mom 5%) and both of them are having their say in certain ways.  My dad wanted a catholic wedding and he’s getting it, but we’re not having it in the context of the mass.  I showed my mom my final two dresses and she picked the one she loved more.

Other than that they are semi-involved, but don’t necessarily have final say.  For example, I/we picked the church, the reception venue, the colours and everything else.  My mom wants a cake, so we are having something small to cut, but may do cupcakes instead for a compromise.  She wants me to wear my hair down, but so do I so that’s not really an issue.  Things like that.

It’s more important to them that I listen to their ideas and take their feedback into account than do exactly what they want to the letter.

Fi’s parents aren’t really involved, but that’s less to do with the fact that they aren’t helping out monetarily and more to do with the fact that normally that’s how it’s done in my culture (bride’s side plans the wedding with the couple) and that they are far away.  I don’t think they’ve wanted anything that we’ve ignored though and we’d be happy to take any input or suggestions they had.  His dad used to be a dancer (a long time ago) and he may do a dance piece at our wedding, which we’re both fine with….a tap number to “Singing in the rain” I think he said.

We’re all mostly easy-going, so we’re doing ok so far.  Mostly!

Edit: At the start we did have guest-list issues with my dad with him wanting to invite tons more people.  I held my ground though and we’re doing fine now.

Post # 15
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My parents are paying for majority of the wedding, but I buy things here and there as I see them (I bought all the stuff fort he centerpieces, and some other decor).  I guess in my family it was a precedent my parents set growing up, that they would pay for my wedding when it came around. My mom is very much of the mindset, “I want you to pick everything because it’s yours and Fiance wedding.”  I love my mom for that!  That’s no to say we’re having a platinum wedding, because believe me we’re not and we don’t want that at all.   lol, I hear about so many people who have overbearing parents who make demands because they are paying or the wedding and I really feel sorry for them.

FI’s parents are handling the rehearsal dinner.  So far things are going well with that, but we are in the beginning phases of planning that event so we’ll see lol.

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