(Closed) How involved can I be?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think you should nudge them.  I was in a similar position to you in that I had 7 weddings in 2008 BEFORE my own in Sept.  With the associated showers and bach parties, it was a crazy year.  I think it’s fine for you to mention that your weekends are really full and you are worried that if you don’t set one aside early, you may have a conflict with the date they choose.

Post # 4
596 posts
Busy bee

Since your wedding isn’t for another 9 months, it’s hard for people to plan so far in advance.  Most people don’t know what their schedules willl be like so far out.  You can say that a few of your friends have already started asking you about dates, so you were wondering if you could pin down a tentative date or time frame for now.

As for planning, I would offer to help as the time gets closer…but if they decline then just sit back and enjoy!

Post # 5
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

About 6 months before the wedding, I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor when she wanted a list for the shower. I told her I could make address labels for her since I had extras from my Save-The-Date Cards. She told me to wait until it got closer, so I made the file and stored it on my PC. We set the date about 4 months before the wedding, two months before the shower. She got the labels with plently of time, but got the invites out a little later than my mom was hoping (about 3 weeks before the shower). I never said anything to my Maid/Matron of Honor about it, but I talked to my mom and she called her right before the invites had been delivered to make sure they were in the mail and offer any help in getting them ready. We all have to remember that our friends (especially the single ones) are not as into this stuff as we are. Also, she probably didn’t realize that older people who were invited might have kids and their schedules can become full very fast. My mom was concerned that nobody would be able to come because they would already have plans. While I shared this concern, I had to LET IT GO! I have so many other things to worry about and this is something that is out of my control (and it would be rude for me to try to control it).

Be on top of your own things, but be careful when it comes to this kind of stuff. If you are too pushy, people aren’t going to want to throw you these parties. Keep it all in perspective and realize that they can’t have a shower without a bride, so they will work around your busy schedule.

Post # 6
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I fully got the ball rolling on a date for my shower.  I had gotten several save the dates and save the date emails for showers/bachelorettes and started to get concerned there would be no weekends for me!  My sister (who I can say pretty much anything to) is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I just explained that we should try to get something on the calendar so that I could actually attend my own shower : )

Even then it was really tough picking a Satruday/Sunday within the three months before my wedding to do this.  My sister and BMs are in other weddings and have other obligations, too.  So I think it’s completely fine to mention it.

Beyond nuding along to help set a date, I would let your BMs plan for you.  Hey, you only get to be the honoree once in your life so kick back and enjoy!

Post # 8
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I have exactly one weekend that I can be in California between now and the wedding.  I made sure all the bridesmaids and moms knew exactly what that date was, and then I’m letting them take it from there.  They want to do this for me, despite the fact that I want to be involved… so I’m just letting them.  Really, we are already planning so much that there is no reason to add this extra set of tasks to your plate when this is something that they want to do for you…

I know that fiance’s mom is taking charge and I think my sister is a little bitter about it, but I figure she’s a big kid and she can either speak up or not…

Post # 9
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Personally, I think the date setting is the only part of the planning you should (and obviously) need to be a part of.  This is a party thrown in your honor, it just doesn’t seem right that you plan it.  My bridesmaids wouldn’t even tell me where it was going to be until a few days before.  I loved it!  It was a wonderful surprise.

Post # 10
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think it’s okay to nudge =). I am! My Future Mother-In-Law and Maid/Matron of Honor kept asking me a lot about what I wanted to do and in all honesty, I don’t really care, I’m just happy to get a shower! But because out of the country for the next couple of months (coming back a few weeks before the shower and we only have one set date to do it) and my Maid/Matron of Honor is out of state, I’m just helping in a very general sense to keep things in order. I’ll be visiting my Maid/Matron of Honor next week and will probably go over some of the details with her then. I’m so appreciative that the women in my life are doing this but I also understand that they have busy lives and would probably appreciate a little input from my end just to keep the train going and the guessing what I would like to a minimum!

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