(Closed) How involved is your FI in the wedding details?

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I honestly feel you should be equally involved. Maybe he has a dream cake as well. that you can combine. My mate told me long ago that he doesn’t like strapless, too much cleavage, tiny cakes, or cupcakes. He wanted an open bar, great food, spectacular venue and phototgrapher, and to choose and pay for Groomsmen attire and DJ. I saw nothing wrong with that as it’s his wedding as well, he’s paying, and he has to look at the pictures.

Post # 4
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

NOT AT ALL! Today I mentioned something like “The only checks we will have to write on the wedding day will be to the reception venue and for my hair and makeup” and he was like YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR HAIR AND MAKEUP DONE, WHY??? I said, “WHY would I spend all this money on a wedding dress and veil and wedding day only to walk around in my everyday hair and makeup?” Clueless! I’m basically just telling him where to show up and when and what to wear when he gets there. LOL.

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Fiance has been more involved than I expected him to be, and I’m really happy about it.

He went with me to pick out linens (and had  opinions), he wants to be involved in invite design, food is very important to him, he’s organizing our block of hotel rooms, and really wants to be involved with photographer selection.

He also found and booked the DJ. We’re doing pretty much everything wedding related together and I LOVE it!

Post # 6
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

FH is involved with almost all of the decisions.  I usually pick out a handful of pics and he will pick his favorite.  When it came to the cakes, I had a dozen pics and he picked out the six that he liked then we discussed what elements from each one we would pull into the cutting cake.  I love what we finally came up with.

Post # 7
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I do all the preliminary research and narrow each of the vendors down to the top 3 or so.

At that point he becomes VERY involved: comes to meetings, participates, discusses, and helps decide.

@AltarEgo: I agree. I don’t think either of you should “prohibit” nor “demand” anything from eachother.

Post # 8
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Darling Husband pulled the WHOLE ENTIRE THING off all by himself!  It was his idea to do a last minute JoP ceremony, and he was the one that hauled me and the kids out the door and to City Hall for the license.  And, it was him on the phone lining up the JoP on the drive to City Hall.  He was the one who suggested we take our kids, parents and siblings to our favourite restaurant for dinner afterwards! 

Post # 9
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t see having a life long partnership with someone and not starting that marriage out as a partnership.  For me, that means he is equally involved in the wedding.  This also helps both sides to be grounded and remember that a wedding involves two people, not just one.  My guy would want to be uber involved and my ex hubby was equally involved as well.  I probably wouldn’t end up with a guy that didn’t care about it since I’m pretty hyped up on equality in a relationship, lol.

My guy would probably react the same as OPs.  Think of it this way.  If she had said to your Fiance, while ignoring you, ‘do you have an idea of what you want your cake to look like’ and he said ‘yup, I know what I want it to be’.  Wouldn’t you be thinking…ummm…I never saw this idea and don’t know if I even like it!  I didn’t get to say yes or no!’?

Post # 10
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

my fi has been more involved and opinionated than i expected. it’s really nice! he didn’t care about flowers and wasn’t involved in my dress/hair/etc, but everything else he has been.

unless that particular cake is one of your wedding priorities, i’m sure you can come up with something you both love.

Post # 11
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Mine is way too involved. Well more than I want him to be. I know I should be grateful but he is even talking about how my make up should be. I am in love with red lips and he said yuck thats gross and blah. blah. I appreciate him and all of his help and ideas but some time he takes it way too far.

Post # 12
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Also, just want to add that both parties should absolutely be able to say yes, lets do it or no, I hate it.  It’s really not fair to do something for your wedding that involves both of you (unless you’re marrying yourself) that the other person dislikes.  Compromise….that’s what it’s all about ๐Ÿ™‚

By the way, OP – your dream cake is beautiful!  Did he say he didn’t like it or was he upset that he had never been consulted about what his dream cake might be?

Post # 13
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

TOO MUCH sometimes! We just got into a fight last night because after months of agonizing searching (in which he did go with us to stores) for a bridesmaid dress I had emailed pics to everyone (s in the BMs) and they had all agreed on one. He was so offended that I didn’t send him the picture! That I had wasted his time taking him with us to go shopping if I was just going to make the decision without him at all. I was so surprised!

For pretty much everything else, we’ve looked at everything together. Venues, food, cupcakes, centerpieces, STDS and invites have all been chosen together. I just really didn’t think he would get offended by us just choosing a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress! But that has been the most stressful part of planning so far and I’m just glad its over!

Post # 14
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

He’s getting there. Before I think he was scared to help because my Future Father-In-Law told him to stay out unless asked to help ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I insist he be involved.  If it were up to me we’d elope.  He wants this wedding so he must participate in the planning.  I think it’s probably good for couples to take on this type of task before saying “forever”.  If you find yourself fighting over trivial things then you’ve probably got a long unpleasant road ahead of you…

Post # 16
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lovelyallure: Well, it is his wedding cake too…

As for Fiance, he’s involved in all the major things (i.e. venue, food/bar choices, DJ, photographer, cake, his attire, centerpieces, officient, favors, etc…). The only things he doesn’t really care about are the flowers. He’s for the most part really liked all of my ideas so he hasn’t complained about much. I’m pretty surprised that he’s as involved as he is but I’m definitely not complaining. 

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