(Closed) How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys?

posted 12 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 17
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

fi is really 100% involved in everything, as it is "our" wedding. he comes to all the appointments & i got dragged to the tux appointments too. he was even going to go dress shopping w me & went w me to one shop but people really get feisty about that so i just showed him the dress i chose after i bought it. this is so awesome, esp since most of my BMs & mom dont live nearby & i’d be dying if i had to do it all myself. however a few months ago i was getting fed up bc w BOTH of us involved in EVERY decision, it takes twice as long to reach a decision (bsides being super busy at work) & i didnt think we were moving fast enough. so after a few arguments on this topic we sat down & made a calendar of everything we have to do, down to the last detail, and assigned a date to everything. we invite each other to all the "events" (im on google, he’s on outlook) such as "decide on favors" and "buy thank you cards" and i’m so glad we did bc things have been getting done a lot faster. plus when the week slips by & some event/decision has been postponed, it is hanging over BOTH our heads as a calendar reminder that keeps popping up on our computers. i highly recommend keeping a mutal calendar of some sort once you get down to 2 months.

Post # 18
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

About two weeks after we had set the date, and started planning, I asked Mr. Betty if he was excited about the wedding, to which he responded ‘meh’.  That did not sit well, but we talked about it, and I realized that I had been planning ‘my’ wedding, and now that he realizes how important it is to me, he’s making a serious effort to get involved, and I’m trying to include more aspects that represent him (like our steampunk cake toppers)

Post # 19
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

haha.. I too send lists, and I’ve gotten many a response of "yes, Sergeant", but his lists usually comprise of "for the 15th time, get the address for x, y and z!"

On a scale of 1 – 10, he’s about a 1.5.  I give him a .5 for the fact that he doesn’t mind that I spend all day doing DIY projects (which I enjoy).  As far as actual help, nada. 

Post # 20
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Fiance is great about calling vendors, making appointments, negotiating with people, helping me not kill my mother. We haven’t really started on any of the DIY stuff yet, but I expect him to not be overly excited about that. The only problem is that he just keeps adding people to the guest list…I swear we’re going to hit 350 by the time invites have to go out…

Post # 21
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I’ve completely quit on my fiance for anything involving the wedding planning. There have been so many fights between her and I and her family and I over the few things I was trying to help with that I’ve just left it all to them. I just want this whole nightmare to be over. 

I was trying to be a good groom-to-be and get involved and do things, but everything I’ve tried helping with has been met with anger. My relationship with some of her family has completely deteriorated. I just wanted to help.  

Post # 22
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

FH is pretty good about it, actually. He leaves me complete freedom to do the stuff that I want to without complaint (for example, no complaints when I picked out all pink flowers), but helps when I want him to. I just need to tell him exactly what I need- in great detail. If I ask him to help assemble the invitations, call the caterer, pick up materials for our next project, coordinate the music, or go shopping with me for parents’ gifts, he is usually willing to oblige.

Post # 23
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My Fiance keeps telling me not to worry so much about planning right now since we’re a year away (well, he was saying that in January when we were 14 months away), but I have been told by him that he will help and give input.

Post # 24
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

At first I was a bit upset that I was not getting any help from my Fiance for this wedding. Then my Dad spoke to me and told me not to bother my Fiance with the details because sometimes they just don’t want to deal with it. As my Fiance has said, he doesn’t care about the centerpieces, etc. he only cares about me and what I want. Sounds like a cop out but it is very true.

 Anyway, since he is paying for part of this wedding I gather up ideas and let him give his opinion on things. Some things I handle on my own or with the help of my Mom. He is however, in charge of creating our monogram and helping me with designing and creating our table numbers. They are mini art easels and canvases and since he is a great painter and sketcher I wanted him to help me with it.

 My best advice is just not to get too upset about it. Also, be sure to not to read into this thinking he doesn’t care about you or the wedding. Guys are just more layed back. Good luck!

Post # 25
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

So far I haven’t done any DIY projects, but I’m sure he would have nothing to do with that.

I’m having a dress custom made, but he did help me choose the exact foundation. He helps me with everything so far, and he likes when I run my new ideas by him so he can have a say too.

Post # 26
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Fiancé had to be involved to get married in the timeframe we set since I have been in grad school. We have been long distance for awhile so getting this planned has been a big priority for us. (I’m old fashioned and didn’t really want to move in together until we got married, or just a little bit before.)

I did a lot of research, getting contact information and ideas of things to look at but then he did a lot of the leg work and phone calls. He even drove (FI lives in Indianapolis) to stay with my parents (in Pittsburgh) one weekend to go look at venues, hotels & talk our priest and got it booked because I was in Texas on an internship for three months after we got engaged. I didn’t even see the venue until a month after I got back. Sometimes I think he knows more about what’s going on with the wedding than I do! We were both really involved in sports as kids so we have been able to approach this with a "team" mentality. 

 Are there bridesmaids or good friends that can help you? Good luck! 

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