(Closed) How Involved Is Your FMIL In Planning?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Wow a clown… that’s kinda epic!

Post # 4
773 posts
Busy bee

I happen to love charades 🙂


She sounds awful.  I had a kind of similar problem with my FMIL- I didn’t want her too involved because she wanted things HER way and when I let her do something, she’d ignore my suggestions and just do whatever she felt like.  She just kept nagging and nagging to be more involved.


I just picked something (blocking hotel rooms) that I didn’t care much about and let her have it.  She got to do everything related to the hotels, and that kept her busy enough.  Of course, she did it wrong- the hotels she booked were way out of the price range I gave her, and my guests were calling ME all the time right before the wedding asking for other places to stay, but it was worth having her off my back.  That’s my best suggestion- just pick the thing you care about least and give it to her.

Post # 5
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

ugh she sounds like a nightmare.

Don’t let her take over! The wedding is about you and your Fiance, not her throwing you a birthday bash with a magician. I can see it now…..and i want to cry for you =(

And then kidnap her to a back room to hide while you throw a REAL wedding

FYI my FMIl is not involved at all. My wedding, not hers. She did suggest Pasta House for our rehearsal dinner….I politely said I’d like to have it at a unique (not chain restaurant) location and found an italian place that was just as cheap but way nicer. THe PH down the street from me is a really nasty location, not one of the nice ones unforutnately. It looks like a drug hole! So, that’s it really =] 

Post # 6
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can relate to having a "difficult" fmil. That said – my fmil is not helping with the planning at all. Sure she can have opinions, but that’s all they are – opinions. Fiance has put his foot down with her right from the get go so she doesn’t have too many "helpful" ideas or suggestions. Fiance and I agree that the day should be about us and not about a group of people telliing us what they think is best.

Good luck!

Post # 7
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Sorry about the difficult Future Mother-In-Law.

My Future Mother-In-Law has not helped at all.  She is also not attending the wedding.  Long story short, but she can’t get over her divorce with FH dad and the events that happened with his family during the divorce.  Now FH’s dad has passed away, but she still can’t come to our wedding with the other family there.  Ugh!  Drama!


Post # 8
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I love my FMIL! She’s great. She wants to be involved and makes suggestions, but always always acknowledges that we are the decision makers.

I am however a little scared about my future SIL. She’s really nice, just really opinionated. And since I will be doing this a tad out of line with tradition and love to DIY, I worry. Like I have made ribbon corsages and boutonnierres and am worried what she will say since there won’t be any cut flowers (and that’s just not what people do).

 Oh well!

Post # 9
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I tried really hard to get my Mother-In-Law involved, I wanted her ideas and input.  But it just wasn’t her thing…

ALTHOUGH, later there was a little hubbabooloo because she got upset as we didn’t invite as much of their side of the family as mine.  Not my fault, I asked for weeks for a guestlist- what I could get out of them I invited.  grrrrr. 

Post # 10
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Please do not let her get what she wants. She is obviously trying to live out some 5 year birthday party that she never got to have!  My Future Mother-In-Law is the one that bought a champagne wedding dress!!! You might have seen the post on here! After she did that I have not been taking her on my wedding outings or involving her.  Until she wakes up and realizes what a fool she will look like in a wedding dress i am keeping her at arms length.  Good Luck 🙂

Post # 11
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Eeek! That’s crazy. I have the opposite problem: I wish my Future Mother-In-Law cared enough to offer an opinion (unless it involved clowns or board games…). She’s supposedly happy about the marriage, but getting her to do anything or sound excited is like pulling teeth. It took me 3 months to get the guest list out of her (our engagement is only lasting for 7), and even then I was still asking for a couple of addresses the weekend we mailed the invitations.

Post # 12
44 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

MVP Bride – me too!!

I feel like my Future Mother-In-Law could truly care less. I have not had any help from her and I don’t know why. We get along great but she just shows no interest in the wedding. I think it may be because it is going to be a large formal affair and she is a more laid back person who would rather not "dress up."  Where as I am the insane girly girl who can’t wait to play dress up in my ridiculously over-the-top wedding dress!

 I have not got a full guest list to this day and now the invite list is very VERY lopsided towards my family who is inviting evryone and their brother.  My Future Sister-In-Law is my only Bridesmaid or Best Man therefore my Maid/Matron of Honor. So she and Future Mother-In-Law are going to "plan" my shower. Well…nothing has been done yet, they just say.."well what were you thinking about doing?" If I knew it was going to be like this I would plan my own dang shower, which is what I wanted to do in the first place.

I’m just kina hurt that they don’t show much interest in helping.

Post # 13
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Your fiance’s family is throwing you a shower, Jaydee? That’s a good sign! We live in state A, his family is in state B, and my family and the wedding are in state C. Guess which of these 3 is the only one that hasn’t offered to host any kind of pre-wedding festivities? My fiance says that his mom just doesn’t know what to do because this is the first time one of her kids has gotten married, but it seems to me that if they were excited they would be asking more questions and offering more instead of balking at even the cost of putting an engagement announcement in the paper. This is the ONE part of my wedding that has really stressed me out…

Post # 14
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Mine is helping out 0%.  And no, that’s not a typo.  It was my own choice.  It was easier to have my FH ask them for some $$ than to have to listen to her "take/opinions" on things.  So far, working out fine.  Let’s just hope that they follow through on that check.

Post # 15
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. A clown? Yikes. My Maid/Matron of Honor would run away if we had a clown at our wedding! I get along very well with my Future Mother-In-Law. She isn’t helping much with the planning mainly because she’s never been to where I’m from. We live two hours away from there. I do include her in what’s going on, but that’s it. FI’s family is mainly contributing to the honeymoon and Rehearsal Dinner, so there’s no real need for her to be involved at all, but I like to include her.


Post # 16
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

A clown?  Seriously?  Oh my.  If you were having your wedding at a carnival, that would be cool for the kids.  But I don’t take it that’s where you are having it at 🙂

Here’s what my Future Mother-In-Law has done:

-she didn’t want to be involved in planning, then got pissy because she wasn’t involved, then she didn’t want to be involved when we tried to involve her and then  she got pissy because we didn’t include her, then we include her and she seems to have better things to do.

-she finally did something wedding related with us and expects her opinion to be what we go with…she’s like this in other situations so I was expecting this.

-she refers to the wedding as ‘ours’ or ‘we’

-she thought it was a good idea to forgo RSVP’s and use the $ for stamps elsewhere

-I sent her our e-pics and pics of my dress and not one word has been said and that was over 5 months ago.

-she’s threatening to leave the wedding if she’s not recognized enough, which has turned in to "get my way".  Thankfully both Fiance and I are on the same page about this.

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