Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
I’m (female) afraid I’m taking over the wedding too much, but when I all my fiance for input, he doesn’t really make suggestions. So far, I give him some options and let him decide provide input on what he prefers and try to choose based on that. I guess I tend to be the planner of the relationship in most situations, and I’m also the artsier/creative person.
How much did your fiance do/plan for the wedding? Am I taking over too much? Thanks!
Post # 2
We did everything pretty much 50/50. I wasn’t about to start a marriage off doing all the work for something we both wanted.
Post # 3
I’m a hardcore planner as well. I was frustrated with the lack of input from my Fiance and finally asked him about it. I was taking over and he did not feel like he had a voice in it. He was also feeling like the point was getting away from me because I was planning bigger/more traditional things than he thought we wanted.
We ended up having a really great conversation about it all and what he wanted from the day and the surrounding days, they were all the things I wanted and he was right, the planning and outside pressures were making the day run away from me. So now he and I are jointly working on planning and working towards redirecting the people who want it to be something different than it is.
TL/DR: try breaking it down to him this way “what do you envision the day like?” Then work from there ❤
Post # 4
Take on as much as you’re comfortable with. I’m also a planner and much craftier than my fiancé. I’ve also helped planned events before so I know all the little details that go in to it. I’ll look through the tens/hundreds of options availble of any given thing and take it down to a handful of options and then ask for his input. When I feel overwhlemed I tell him what he needs to take control of.
ETA: This works well with his personality and he doesn’t feel left out or overlooked in any way. If you think your fiancé might then talk to him about what he wants for his wedding day, too.
Post # 5
- Wedding: St. petersburg, FL
I’m the main planner, but i’m naturally a planner. My Fiance really isn’t interested in doing the heavy lifting here, but we both talked about what we wanted in detail, and I always bring the decisions to him before they are finalized. I basically researched every vendor and picked one, and then brought it to him and he would agree or ask that we change something. He really only cares about the food (he picked) and the fact that there’s an open bar. We agreed on the musician (acoustic guitarist for ceremony/cocktail hour and then DJ for the reception) and photographer (he didn’t care.. he just agreed to the price), and of course we both loved our venue. I might be planning the wedding, but I made sure to ask him and talk to him about what he wanted and what was important to him so it still is our wedding, not just mine that he’s going along with. It’s totally dependent on a couple – I don’t mind doing the heavy lifting but he just wants to be included in the final decisions. It works for us.
Post # 6
It doesn’t look like you’re taking over too much. From what I’ve seen, I dont know any men that have a “dream wedding” in their heads. My fiance told me he is fine with whatever we do as long as we get married somehow lol.
He WANTS to help and plan but he said he has always sucked at planning stuff (and I’m the opposite) so he said he appreciates with me planning stuff out and just telling him what to do. I feel like I get enough support, interest, and help from him but he told me he feels bad about not contributing more (even though I have zero issues). I do the same thing you do – I show him options and he gives his opinions.
The only thing I left completely to him is his suit, ring, and accessories. I tried to do that with him but I didn’t really see my presence as necessary since I am fine with whatever he picks out and I am happy to offer my opinion when he asks.
ETA – I initially tried to plan everything myself but found that I was getting overwhelmed so I split up the tasks so that we each take the lead on stuff we each want because I didn’t think we would be able to give our 100% to something we didn’t care about too much. After I showed him what he would need to do to get what he wanted, he didn’t really feel it was worth the effort to plan the things he wanted so he decided not to do any of it 😀
Post # 7
50/50 we’re both on the same page about wanting a simple, no fuss wedding. we sat down and worked out priorities, budgets, decided on guest list and what is important to each of us, and determine what things are on the ‘don’t care’ list, so that we both can make unilateral decisions on those. I’m getting the venue and caterer, he’s doing the website and invitations, I’m picking out wedding bands, he’s going to hire the photographer. On top of that we’re also renovating our home, so he’s researching contractors but I’m in charge of putting CAD drawings and design. We’re both enthusiastic planners, and we’ve done this together so many times when we plan trips, camping, vacations.
Post # 8
He was very involved. We planned the whole wedding together, I really don’t think there was any aspect of planning he wasn’t a part of.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard
I am one of the brides who had a little groomzilla lmao. But I didn’t really mind too much since it was his wedding too and I had made the choices I wanted for the things that were important to me to have. Plus his groomzilla ways really helped out when I had to hand over 40 percent of the planning to him because my anxiety was getting worse than usual.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I spearheaded the whole planning thing, but he definitely was involved in a good bit of things. We had a conversation early-on where I was basically like “what do you care about and what can I have free reign over?” So then we split up responsibilities that way, and of course did all the tastings and stuff together.
Post # 11
It was important to my fiancee that we have a large wedding. It was NOT important to me. So I (a woman) told him that I’d agree to it if he did all the work.
And so he did. I went along to look at venues and tasted some food. But he selected vendors, he did all the organizing and cost comparing and website making and budgeting and decorating calls and parent wrangling and dance-music list production and organizing. He checked in with what he was doign in case I cared. I did not.
I had one job– select a dress, and show up roughly on time. Because I enjoyed it, I decided to take up writing a first pass of the ceremony, but he heavily participated in re-writing, which he enjoyed.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
Yeah, I guess I need to have that conversation with him. When he mentioned before that he didn’t care too much, he just didn’t want an expensive wedding/to stay in budget, i tried to make a feasible budget to see if we could make it work or if we should elope. I didn’t budget for a band and DJ, but I should have double checked to make sure whether or not that was important to him (I figured our music tastes are varied and eclectic enough that we’re better off doing it ourselves). He said he’s going to take care of our website, but I should confirm that there’s nothing else he feels strongly about.
Post # 13
Id say it was 60/40. With me doing slightly more planning. I do sometimes have to stop and make sure he isn’t just agreeing to what I’m suggesting because it’s what makes me happy.
I’m just the more practical and decisive one. I spoke to a photographer at a wedding fayre that I loved and told him I wanted to go with explaining my reasons why. He agreed those were good reasons but couldn’t say for definite that was the photographer for us before speaking to others. “Others might have the same qualities but be cheaper or have different album choices” So far he has spoken to 4 more and so far still agrees that my choice is number one. I swear he thinks I’ve got some kind of voodoo decision making magic. I just know what I want 😂
Post # 14
My now-husband was pretty involved in a lot of the planning. He actually picked our wedding colors! He wasn’t really big on researching so a lot of the times it would be me narrowing down options for vendors and them him picking from the final 3.
I think the main thing is seeing what’s important to your fiance. Like the poster right above me said- I definitely double checked with him at times to make sure if he said he didn’t care about something I picked that he actually didn’t care and wasn’t just going along to make me happy. I had a guy friend who got married a few years ago and he told me he only cared about two things: an open bar, and that she shows up on the day.
Post # 15
We make choices together. 🙂