(Closed) How is being married going to be different than living together?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Good Question. 

However, I remember thinking how is living together going to be any different than being engaged.  We were living together for almost a year before he proposed.  And for me…it was just different.  It felt more committed.  Not married yet so I don’t know if that will feel different yet again.

Post # 4
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It wasn’t too different for us.  We opened up a joint bank account.

Post # 5
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Everyone said it would different when we were married, but I have found it to be exactly the same. 

We weren’t holding out on anything waiting for marriage though.  We co-owned the home (for many years), had fully mixed finances, weren’t waiting for marriage to have kids.  

We loved our wedding.  We’re happy to be married.  It took an estate planning chore off the list in a big way.  But our daily life isn’t one bit different.

Post # 6
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

This is a great question. Honestly, there are no huge differences. My now-husband and I lived together for a long time before we got married, and as others have said, there isn’t a big, dramatic change to your daily lives once you are actualy married. 

 

That said, though, for me it is a little bit different–I am so insanely glad that this person is now my husband. When I stop and actually think about that, it just makes me really happy. I think it makes us work harder at our relationship; it makes us a little kinder to each other–we are in this for the long haul, officially. So: no real changes, but there is a little undercurrent of joy that we toook this big step and now get to plan all of our future adventures, together!

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Things weren’t really any different, just felt more permanent, like there was 0 doubt about anything happening in our future without us being together.

I was just talking to a friend of mine last night who got married last year and they had also lived together fora  good while before getting married, and she had jealousy issues which totally vanished once married. She is much more confident now, so that was a nice change for them

Post # 8
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wouldn’t say it was really *different* but there is a special feel to it for me.  Maybe it’s the sense of permanence, maybe the fact that I have a new name to answer to.  Dunno, but I love it!  🙂

Post # 9
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mother has always told me that when you get married you need to do something big, like buy a house, so something changes and you’ll have a good marriage otherwise you’ll feel like you just went back to the same life as before.  I don’t really understand this at all.  Why do you need to have some monumental change to be continue to be happy together? Theory of Mom I guess?  That being said she wasn’t all for it went we moved in together 3 years ago or bought a house together last year.  A lot of my friends have been getting married the past couple months and I’ve asked them this question.  Every single one said that they didn’t think anything would change but that they actually all feel much different.  I’m curious to see for myself the emotions involved after the wedding is over and everyone goes home.

Post # 10
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think there were any HUGE differences for us. The only thing that really changed was that we had all our money in the same accounts, so he saw how much I spent on clothes and stuff. That was a little bit difficult to get used to at first, because I was used to just doing my own thing and no one else seeing it. There were subtle changes, but that was the biggest one I think for us.

Post # 11
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Zero difference for us. I didn’t even change my name. We were like an old married couple well before we tied the knot; now it’s just official.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

We lived together before marriage and it’s not drastically different, but things have definitely changed for the better. Being married gives you an unspoken status among friends, work colleagues and acquaintances which to me was the biggest change. And before we were married, we had separate financies which is also now a big change that they’re combined. But it’s not like we got back from the honeymoon and came up with a new chore schedule or anything, that all stayed the same.

Post # 13
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No real difference.  We lived 2 years together before we got married. Only difference now is a joint checking along with our own seperate accounts. That and things will change toward Thanksgiving with having a baby here

Post # 14
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The wedding is in April of next year, but I can assure you, if anything changes, there will be hell to pay.

I’m probably on the outs of this, but why should signing a legal document make anything different?  I just can’t see how a piece of paper is going to change how you feel about someone.  

Before you bite my head off, I’m NOT a religious person, we HAVE been living together for over a year, and we’ve been together for 8 years and have a daughter together.  We share EVERYTHING (including germs :P).  We also view the whole marriage thing as a legality (as in, it’s the only way to get me & my son on his insurance and him on mine should anything happen where he works.  It also gives us more security for my son from a previous marriage).

Post # 15
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We had a secret ceremony on Sept. 23 2010 and our wedding is Sept. 4 2011. We only did this for health insurance reasons–our parents/family don’t know. A few randoms do, though (my best friend, my boss).

Considering I’ve been married for 9 months, I can’t really say much has changed. If we’re snuggled on the couch and I say I Love You, he’ll say I Love You too, Wife. Little things like that. When we fight, the marriage throws a little spin on it. Its sort of like, you’re married, whats the point of all this screaming….you’re going to be going to bed and waking up with them every day regardless.

I guess I mean before you’re engaged and its just a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of thing, its easy to just throw your hands up and go do better. << this logic no longer applies!!

Post # 16
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

We lived together, owned a home, and had combined finances for 3 years before getting married. The only thing that I feel has changed, is that now I am committed to making this work, I try harder during tough times, I know I cannot just walk away. Hard to explain, I feel more connected to him? Doesn’t change much, but a little

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