(Closed) How is your family different from your SO's family?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You family sounds like mine. Except mine is a little mean. In a bickering sibling rivalry kind of way. He doesn’t have siblings so its a much quieter more controlled dynamic. Plus they talk way more than my family does. For example, Future Mother-In-Law likes 2 hour phone calls once a week. My mom and I have 10 minute phone calls once every could months.

Post # 4
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Our mothers are like night and day.  Our family is close hes closer to his siblings.  I think there pretty much the same though if your consider my moms side and his moms side.  

Post # 5
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Our families are actually pretty similar – everyone takes the mickey out of everyone else, they’re both loud and enjoy having a laugh.  I suppose the main difference is that his extended family are all very close.  He has aunts, uncles and grandparents all living within a 10 minute walk of one another, and great aunts and uncles, cousins and more distant relatives within a 10 minute drive.  My family live all over the country and my parents are far closer to their friends than their siblings.

Post # 6
Member
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

my FI’s family is a lot bigger than mine, his father is one of 7, most of whom have kids, stepkids, etc, his mum is one of 5, most of whom have kids as well. my family is a lot closer, i see my mum’s side every week for dinner, and we are very loud and jokey when we get together, as are his family, but they see each other once or twice a year.

Post # 7
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I thought our families were really similar at first bc they’re both immigrants and started out from absolutely nothing but as it turns out, they’re VERY different. My parents are really americanized. They moved to america and that’s it, it’s their home, their future. They have settled into the culture. His parents want to move back to their home country as soon as they’re able to. This means that they are still really culturally involved in it and haven’t gotten as into american customs. They also go back to visit all the time while my parents didn’t go back to their home country for 20 years! My parents also love to drink, hang out, play music, travel etc. His parents don’t drink (I know it shouldn’t matter but it DOES) and just do not experience the world w the same kind of vigor. They met and it went okay but I dont think they’ll ever be close.

Post # 8
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ours are similar and SUPER different all at once. My family is big, and loud, and loving and crazy (good crazy). We write sci-fi stories over campfires, have generally nerd-y/science/fantasy sorts of discussions all the time. We discuss if we would like to colonize Mars, and the logistics of it. Or how to sucessfully carry out some insanly complex scheme ala Ocean’s 11. Oh or one recent one that was fun, time travel and bending space/time to make it happen. In depth, with scholarly backing.There is a fairly above average intelligence in all the people in my family, education isn’t if you go to college, but if you decide to stop at masters or get a Phd. But at the same time, everyone is laid back about life, jokes abound and while there is usually a target of the jokes, it is all good natured.

One big thing for me is when we do stuff, there is usually a musical score provided, mainly between my dad, sister and I. Breaking into musicals is not uncommon. We love being around with extended family, there are just a lot of us. While both my and DH’s family are evangelical, even though I have two Baptist preacher grandpa’s, we are of a much more “liberal” breed, at least for Baptists. We dance, and most of my family is perfectly fine with their dinner wine or beer and the game. My sis and Brother-In-Law are BOTH working on being ordianed as preachers in the AG church. The men in my family are all the “head of households” and are adored and respected by their wives but mostly the women are the bread-winners and there is an independant, stubborn streak through the women too. And all the men are domestic, my dad and one uncle are stay at home husbands/dad, the other men are always helping with household duties since both of the couple work full time. Oh and in my family, there is one divorced/not happily in an extended relationship/marriage couple. 

A major difference for DH’s family is while they are still Baptists, they are most certainly the hard-line, ultra conservative kind. My sister (a woman!!!?!) being ordianed? In a *gasp* CHARISMATIC denomination?!?! HELL FIRE!!!!! No. Seriously. My Father-In-Law is the most ridiculously chauvanistic conservative I know. Which really confuses me because Mother-In-Law is not a kept woman at all, she is highly intelligent, educated and works outside the home and was never a Stay-At-Home Mom or anything. His grandpa and brother are the same way, women are housewives in addtion to full time work, child raising and everything else. Men shouldn’t and don’t lift a finger to help with “women’s work”. I, do not share this view and it has been a huge struggle to re-teach Darling Husband that their is no “women’s work” in our house. All not helped by the fact that SIL is part of a family as extremely conservative as Father-In-Law approves and he frequently  lets us know it. Don’t even get me started on what he said about another couple (one of MIL’s cousins) who happened to be two women, at a party for MIL’s parents. I kindly (well, ish) had to remind Mother-In-Law to tell Father-In-Law that my aunt and her life partner (whom I love dearly) were going to be at the wedding and I would pick them over him if he chose to make comments. 

Also, there are waaaayyy less of them. I grew up with 10 cousins, Darling Husband has none. We only EVER see his mom/dad, BIL/SIL and his maternal grandparents. His aunt and uncle live far away, they are super nice, and much less crazy (bad crazy) than his other direct family. He is much more like his aunt, artistic and a free spirt, than his parents who are both insane type A dominate personalities. And even though they are all fairly well educated, when we get together with them, if his aunt isn’t there, the conversation is dull. Very very very dull. His dad and Brother-In-Law and almost clones and have this awful bitting sarcasm where Darling Husband can do no right because he has a very different personality than them. It is awful really, when his dad laughs, someone is wiping up the blood from his verbal lashing that he passes as “jokes”.

 And even though both Brother-In-Law and SIL and his grandma were and are music people, no one sings. Which to me, is like not breathing. I mean, when someone starts talking about traditions, how can one NOT break into Fiddler on the Roof??? Or when nothing is going on and everyone is bored, why SHOULDN’T one start singing “CABIN FEVER!” from Muppet Treasure Island? It should be a crime! Also, no nerds. I am the nerdy one and they all just kind of look at me oddly when I start talking about last thanksgiving when my family spent three hours after dinner debating who would best be cast in the Muppet version of Lord of the Rings or anything like that, which is common place at my house.

His family also has a lot more dysfunction than mine. While still more functional than most, FIL’s family is a mess; a brother that has been gone for 28 years, a paternal grandpa with a wife almost his son’s age and an uncle the age of Dh’s older brother (but they have never met him). Lots of messy extended families, something I just wasn’t used to.

Oh, and they don’t cook. Well, not the way my family does. In my family, getting together usually meant a seriously amazing home cooked meal. Thanksgiving and Christmas are spread with every kind of wonderful thing you can imagine, all made from scratch with all 20+ people in the kitchen “helping”. Cooking for holidays was an event, not just a meal. Usually, we go out if DH’s family is together. Thanksgiving last year (first one without my family and with his) made me cry because the only thing I recognized on the table was turkey, and it came pre-cooked and frozen. The pie, frozen. The rolls, store bought. The green bean cassarole (bleck) from a can. Mashed potatoes from a box (Sidebar, I didn’t know mashed potatoes CAME in a box until high school… grossest thing ever). I brought home made (like I peeled those suckers and everything) candied sweet potatoes, my FAVORITE thing for holiday meals, and no one but me ate them. I went home after dinner and called my daddy and cried because I missed real food with people who would sing about green beans and the dinner table. 

I really do like my in-laws, I know it could be way worse. But they are most certainly NOT my family, and I would be lying if I said that I don’t intend to live closer to my family.

Also, this is a novel and serious kudos if you read it. I got a bit ranty. My apologies. 

Post # 9
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Our families are totally different. My family is Latino, Liberal, and Catholic, we are all loud, fiesty and foul-mouthed. We love parties and have a healthy love of drinking and dancing. My mother is the stereotypical nosey immigrant mother who is all up in her kids business and always pushing them to suceed. 

FI’s family on the other hand are nice, quiet, White, Conservative, Mormons. They obviously don’t drink, they have a family home evening every Sunday and Thursday, their idea of a good time is playing board games. They all have a very hands-off approach to each other’s lives. It constantly amazes me that FI’s mom isn’t as nosey as mine, his family doesn’t even know our address and we only live 20 minutes away!

Post # 10
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@novacaineandlaughter:  Wow, sounds great!! My future in-laws know every single detail of our tax returns! UGHHH

Post # 11
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

His family is Greek. Mine is not.

 

Says everything. LOL.

Post # 12
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Where would you like me to start? My mom and I used to be really close and then I guess when I moved to California something changed. His mom treats me like I’m her daughter. Yes we have our ups and downs but we get along ok. His family has a lot less drama than mine does.

There’s a lot more but I don’t want to really get into it. 

Post # 13
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Er… his mum had a sex change and is now a man!

Post # 14
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@nicci218:  Oh wow!!

 

My mom is very unimposing whereas his mom is all up in our business and is very opinionated.  Drives me nuts.  His dad is just a selfish ass.  I don’t talk to my biodad if I don’t have to.

Post # 15
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

His family are Southeners mine are Northeners. What’s the difference?

His family are very… well spoken and I havn’t heard one of the swear. They all whear biege and are very well educated. Oh and they live in a 5 story house with a pool.

My famiy … well my biological Dad, spent 7 years in prison for Man slaughter. My step dad (Whom I prefere) raised me and my siblings on a anual earning of 9K. They live in a council estate in a city centre. We can’t get a sentence out with out a swear and we’re honest great jokers.

Should be an interesting meeting….

Post # 16
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Our families are very different yet very similar. Our moms are similar in that they both have control issues and are in denial about certain self-destructive behaviors. And our dads both can’t stand our moms. The difference I guess is that his family is more extreme, and in his words, “trashy”. 

The topic ‘How is your family different from your SO's family?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors