(Closed) How is your relationship with your FI’s mother?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I guess I lucked out with one of the best FMILs I could hope for, plus a Future Father-In-Law who is one of the best fathers I’ve known. Seriously, they tell me all the time I’m a better daughter then their real daughter and I tell Future Father-In-Law that he’s a better father then my own. FFMIL and I just went to a bridal fair yesterday and it was like going with one of my best friends. I was expecting something much different then what I got based on my mother’s relationship with her Mother-In-Law, when my mom was alive they pretty much hated eachother.

Fiance and I joke that if we ever break-up his parent’s would probably want to switch and take custody of me in the break-up. One time we said something like this in front of his mom and her response was “Well, of course”

Post # 18
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It’s interesting…I do get along with her well, but we’re not what I would call “close”. Probably because I’m exponentially closer to my own Mom, so that’s what I’m comparing her to. Also, she’s overbearing so I try to keep her at a polite distance. If she really needed anything, I’d be right there. But if she needed to move in with us, we’d pay her rent first.

Post # 19
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We get along very well, and I consider myself very lucky.  I genuinely enjoy her.  She has a messy relationship with her own daughter, and she refers to me as her “new” daughter.  I’m flattered by it.

Post # 20
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law is completely overbearing. I try to keep her at a distance. She is rude towards peope who don’t share her SUPER Catholic beliefs. She gossips and makes sure to make those people around her feel itty bitty. She is also socially innappropriate. I am not a fan.

Post # 21
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

We’re not close.  We have very little in common.  Actually just make that her son in common.

 

She’s not overly supportive of her son, which pisses me off.  I only see her maybe 3 times a year, and I’ve learned alcohol helps.

Post # 22
Member
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@Corgitales I technically am getting 3 MIL’s. Future Mother-In-Law, her partner, and FFIL’s new wife. Although both step-MIL’s are newer additons (past 5-8 years) so didn’t raise Fiance or anything, so they’re more hands off with us.

My poor children will have 3 grandmas and only one grandpa. (my dad passed away)

Post # 23
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

we fine but distant – we have nothing in common outside her son and even then, i often wonder how her son is related to them becasue he is so different.  she a good, strong, hardworking woman who raised a wonderful man and i respect her for that

Post # 24
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law is a little strange. We get a long okay; however, she is very set in her ways and think everyone and everything should be done her way. She is very critical a lot of the time, but that is just her personality. She is also very religous and lets everyone know it. I spoke with her this past weekend and let her know about some of the plans for the wedding. They are not contributing. She asked about alcohol at the wedding. They don’t drink. I told her that we would only be having wine, champagne, beer, and lots of other sparkly stuff for those that don’t drink. She told both my Fiance and I that we better not get drunk. I told her that I just might do that. And she said that I better not. She wasn’t joking. I ended up telling her that I wouldn’t, but when we got off the phone, I told my Fiance that I was going to do whatever I wanted and she would just have to deal. He laughed at me and said that he was too. I know I will probably get a little bit tipsy, but come on, she is not going to dictate my life to me.

Post # 25
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@Sapphire: LOL!

I think my Mother-In-Law *thinks* we’re close, but I don’t feel like I can be myself around her… she’s really overbearing, and has no qualms at all telling people how things are done, and how to run their lives. Her sons and husband have learned to just tune it out, but her other DIL and I have a hard time dealing with it. She also has a bunch of gender role stereotypes that are so not in line with our relationship, and she just sort of refuses to see or hear things that run contrary to her pre-existing ideas.

Oh, also, DH is in Japan on business for 2 weeks right now, and she said in an email to me, “I hope you’re not too lonely, but at least you get a break from cooking!” Total, classic example of how she acts. It gets my goat that she assumes

1) I am the only one in the relationship who cooks

2) I cook in order to please my husband, and only cook when he is around

3) Cooking is a distasteful chore to me, but I do it anyway because that is what wives do. I am glad to have a break from cooking.

4) When my husband is away, I don’t cook. What does she think I eat? Seriously, I want to know! Has she forgotten that I’m also a human being who has nutritional needs? Or does she imagine that I’m ordering in all the time? Or eating PBJ? What imaginary circumstances are in her head such that his being away leads to me not cooking?

Um, so, to answer your question, not that good. She’s ok. She’s SOLID in a crisis. But on a day-to-day basis, she makes me insane. At least my husband agrees that she is a little bit crazy… if he were always on her side, this whole marriage thing would’ve been off the table – I couldn’t deal with her behavior on my own! (Speaking of which, I think that John Gottman found that men siding with their mothers over their wives was predictive of divorce!)

Post # 26
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law is… very dependant on FH. And, I won’t lie, it’s very straining. It’s been worse since Future Father-In-Law passed away which I totally understand but I feel like she doesn’t really know how to speak to me which makes me feel a bit unwelcome. She also has a tendency to make mountains out of molehills that aren’t even her own molehills! So we have a slightly strained relationship. Which saddens me a lot because I wish we were closer but in reality I don’t think it’ll happen.

Post # 27
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

it took me sever years… at the beginning she didnt even talk to me not even one word… but now we have a good relationship

Post # 28
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I get along better with my Future Mother-In-Law than I do with my mother, lol.  I think this really annoys my mom which, when I’m feeling wicked, kind of gives me a little bit of satisfaction.

Post # 29
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My  Future Mother-In-Law is great to me.  When I first met her she didn’t talk to me very much. After a few more personal interactions she has become someone I trust and count on very much for support not just in the wedding but in a personal way.

 

I had to have a hysterectomy last december 08 and I was devastaed.  the first thing she did was make sure  I was getting well and after things calmed down she offered to carry a baby for me.  ( THAT WAS STRANGE)   We said no to that  but were so grateful that she  could take on that  for us so we could have a complete family.  I have a great deal of respect for her.

 

My Future Father-In-Law ( they’re divorced) Is a good man but tends to be the interfering kind.

Post # 31
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We get along great! In fact, I joke with my Fiance that if he ever messes up, I am going to move in with his mom. Hahaha. 

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