(Closed) How is your relationship with your FI’s mother?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law is about as good as my fiance’s relationship with his mother. I will leave it at that.

Post # 33
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, we got along during the 7 years that DH and I were dating.  Then it started to go down hill once I got engaged.  You know, I think I just realized that it started a few months after the engagement.  Wow.  When she started expecting certain things for my wedding and saying what I wanted was good enough.. that’s when it went from bad to worse.  I don’t even talk to her anymore.  She turned psycho.  I don’t even know what happened to her.  She became a witch.  I don’t care for her anymore. I don’t hate the women but she is not someone I would ever want to be in the same room with.

Boy, has things changed.

EDIT:  Hmmm… I was watching the bridezilla show over the weekend and it got me thinking… There should be a show called FMIL-zilla.  I would sign my Mother-In-Law up immediately!!!!  LOL

Post # 35
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law is a very sweet lady, but kind of immature and hypersensitive. I think she likes me because she sees how happy I make her son. Her and I totally don’t click and I don’t necessarily see that changing over the years.

Post # 36
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law was a young mother who never married and most likely has some mental health issues.  She is extremely attracted to drama, real or created.  I don’t know if I could count how many times I have seen her cry when we used to see her.  Now I am a very compassionate person, to a fault at times, but to cry because the  mail is late?  That isn’t to say that I dont care for her or her suffering but she has always refused to get help of any kind.  She is always looking for a hand out of some kind and lies unlike anything I have ever seen which is frustrating to everyone.  Once she had asked me to clean her mothers house for her as a surprise and when her mother (who I LOVE) returned form her trip my Future Mother-In-Law took the credit with me standing right by her side!  This is just one single example, and unfortunately there are so many more.  She has always relied soley on my Fiance for her happiness which has always caused him so much frustration and at times real pain.  Whenever any of his relationships had the appearance of getting serious she would give him an ulitmatum, either he had to get rid of his girlfriend or she would “walk”.  Well none of his past relationships were ever serious and always fizzled out before she made her grand exit, until he met me.   We all got along great at first.  She used to do weird stuff that I suppose should have been a good indication of what she had going on in her mind.  One example, she is a fabulous cook and I am a pretty darn good baker.  I thought that we’d make a great combination.  One night she made dinner and we all raved.  Then I made the desert which led to more raving.  She announced to everyone that I didn’t make the desert from scratch like I had claimed because she found the box in the trash!  There was no box and I had spent two hours baking…from scratch.  When I asked her about it, she just looked at me and gave a wicked grin, then laughed!  Kind of creeped me out.  Well there are many more strange stories but in the end she confronted my Fiance in front of me and asked him to make a choice.  She left and its been 18 months with no word from her.  She actually left the entire family, even her own mother.  I admit that I am not used to drama.  I grew up in a house where we wouldn’t create a fuss even if we were on fire and to be fair FI’s family is pretty much the average middle class family with their wonderful points and quirks but still try to avoid drama.  So this whole situation feels fairly surreal to us all.

Fiance and FMIL see eachother from time to time by the accidental run in.   I can’t imagine how painful this is for her, as a mother myself, but according Fiance she has burned this bridge for the last time.  She is not coming to the wedding and she will never be a part of our lives.  Since the separation my Fiance has found out some absolutely horrible and cruel lies that she has told him through the years including lies about the identity of his real father.  I have never been one to completely close doors on anyone but this time I have closed it and bolted it shut.  We have since figured out that she may have Munchausen’s though from what I hear she still refuses any sort of mental/ medical help and I have two young children myself to consider.  Its sad.  However Fiance is actually beginning to enjoy life in a way he never has before and so is his grandmother (FMIL’s own mother).  I guess that says alot.  The situation isn’t easy and as she still lives in town, so our guard is never really down but this is a time where I whole heartedly agree that this particular breakup was absolutely for the best.  The rest of FI’s family is amazing and wonderful.  they are absolutely supportive and stay involved in our lives which I truly apprecaite.  What we have learned is that sometimes we need to redefine what ‘family’ really means, its not always about the blood you share with someone.  Sorry this is so long, just haven’t really talked about it much and I guess I had to get if off my chest.  Thanks guys!

Post # 37
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@yrret, you know, my problems with my Future Mother-In-Law really started to show after we got engaged too. I think it’s a bit of a mummy syndrome where suddenly we’re not good enough to be getting married to their little boys. 

Post # 38
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@littlemissmoo

Yeah, I know my DH has mommy issues and we actually went to counseling before our wedding and it made my DH realize that he does have mommy issues.  Just admitting it was the first step and he has gotten way better… but now I’m thinking it was a combination of DH’s mommy issues and Mother-In-Law son issues. 

Post # 39
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

am not engaged but i live with my SO who lives in an apt above mil.I cant wait to get as FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR away from her .the FAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRther THE BETTER.LOL. WE JUST DONT GET ALONG AND WE ARENT EVEN SPEAKING RIGHT NOW.SHE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE IS SO MUCh IN LVE WITH ME AND WILL GO ALL OUT FOR ME.SHE ALWAYS SAYS IF I WAS ……. U WOULD DO IT.SHE IS TOTALLY DePENDANT AND FRUSTRATING TO ME AND EVEn TO HIM WE BOTh WANT TO MOVE AND QUICKLY.WE ARE LOOKING aT LAND NOW.NOW SHE KNS THAT SHE IS LIKE WELL U GUYS CAN EXTEND THE UPSTAIRS ONTO THE REST OF THE LAND.ID RATHER LIVE N A TIN CAN WITh a   PILLOW ThAn SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IF HE ACTUALLY COMMITS THAn LIVE ANY LONGER THAN I HAVE TO ABOVE HER.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! good luck. i could go on and on .lol

Post # 40
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I heart my FMIL- she’s amazing and consults me about everything because she’s very feminine and loves all the little details. My mom… not so much. I’m not so sure she’s even batted an eyelash at anything so far lol :o)

Post # 41
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I honestly don’t know her very well… she apparently likes me alot, though, so that’s good!

Post # 42
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law didn’t acknowledge my presence until I got engaged. She wasn’t cruel or anything, she just simply looked past me and disregarded me every time we were around each other. I went for eigtht years without receiving a single Christmas present from this woman!

But… after we got engaged, she completely changed. I guess she realized that our relationship was legit (took her nine years to accept it) and that I wasn’t going anywhere. Now, i get presents for Christmas, birthdays, and souvenir gifts from her trips. She also gives me hugs, gives us money to go out to dinner, lol, talks highly about me to her relatives.. lol. We’re not besties, but she’s definitely come around.

Post # 43
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

worcesterbride — Taking sides has been an issue in my relationship; I’ve never seen that before, though.

Well, Future Mother-In-Law and I get along better than my own mother and I do, but that is not saying much. She is a nice woman. She has made me feel very welcomed into their family (as has FFIL), but she is also sort of matriarchal to the point of aggravation about getting her own way, especially because she is very religious. We do get along well enough and most of our day to day interactions are pleasant enough, but our views on many, many things are very different. She disapproves of our living together now before the wedding, but she has not made much of a fuss over it. I also suspect that she will disapprove of our child-rearing ways (that is, I will not be a Stay-At-Home Mom and we will not raise them in a church), and that worries me because Fiance has some mommy (well, and daddy) issues, too, to the point that it is pretty much the reason we moved our wedding back a year.

So I guess my relationship with Future Mother-In-Law is sort of neutral. I like her and we get along, but there are sooo many times when I just wish things were different and she were more open minded.

Post # 44
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I love my Future Mother-In-Law. That woman has been through hell and back for me. She’s done things for me that my own mother would have never done. She’s supportive of our relationship and ( I assume) is excited about our wedding. Though, lately it feels like a bit of a power struggle over my Fiance. She’s having a hard time letting go, but I get that; he’s an only child, it’s going to take a little while.

Post # 45
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel super lucky because Future Mother-In-Law is really awesome and we have a great relationship.  She sometimes jokes that she likes me better than Fiance.  I really lucked out too because Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law live about 10 minutes away from us right now.  Imagine how horrible that would be if we didn’t get along!  

Post # 46
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

We get along well and she says she likes me. I like and respect her. I’m sure we get irritated with each other.

I wouldn’t say we’re like my mom and I but we’re on great terms. I’m happy with that.

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