(Closed) How is your relationship with your FI’s mother?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2000

My hubs and I are nearing our 10th anniversary this summer, and while my Mother-In-Law lives in another state, we’ve had TONS of time to get to know each other. She’s great, and although our personalities are very different, we do love each other (OK, we may not technically say “I love you” at the end of our convos, but you know what I mean).

A few years ago, we were at my Father-In-Law and MIL’s house and she said something really sweet. She said that she was just watching how I interacted with her son (my husband), and how we laugh together, treat each other, etc. and that she was so grateful that he had someone like that in his life to take care of him. I don’t see my relationship with my husband as “caretaker” by any means, but I think I know what she was getting at. 

Honestly, I think it’s normal for it to take several YEARS for MILs to accept/love their DILs. And that’s OK.

Post # 48
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am inheriting 2 MILs. (1 bio mom, 1 step mom).

Bio-MIL is AWESOME. She’s a great person, and a great Mother-In-Law. We get along very well. FH is her only child, which made me nervous at first because she calls everyday, sends him care packages every few weeks, etc., but she has really made me part of the family. She has never been anything but warm and kind to me. I am also very respectful of her. Also, she sends me care packages of awesome clothing from Banana Republic every few weeks, which doesn’t hurt! LOL My mom said that Mother-In-Law should realize I’m the last hope for grandkids and be nice to me – I don’t know if that factors into her treatment of me, but I have nothing but nice things to say about her. My parents also love her, and she loves them.

Step-MIL on the other hand…is…crazy. She is verbally/emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative to everyone in the family (and has always been so), and so I try to steer clear of her as much as possible. She is always nice to me in person, but she is crafty and has tried to throw me under the bus before. She has a bio daughter and 2 grandkids, so luckily, most of the focus is taken off of me, which I am fine with. One example of her controlling ways is that she decided (on her own) that I had to wear *her daughter’s* wedding dress at my wedding!!! She just sent me some pictures of her daughter’s wedding dress one day, in an e mail, and asked me when she should send it to me, so I had time to make alterations to it for my wedding! (It wasn’t a family heirloom or anything, either, she’s just super controlling).

 

Post # 49
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

In the very beginning we got along really great!! But then one day I was really uspet about something dealing with my son’s father…she happned to call and I was telling her about the situation. My son’s father used to abuse me really badly…and I really do not care for him being around my son alone because he has temper issues…Her comment was not was I okay or my son going to be ok..it was simply well my son doesn’t need that drama…and then she went on and on aobut how she did not think I was the kind of woman that would take mess like that..Well..pretty much after that I have been on a really cordial relationship with her because I do not like the way she handles most situations…She attmepts to make my Fiance feel guilty about EVERYTHING…he got me a really nice gift for my birthday and she almost went crazy because he spent more on me then he did on her…So…we are ok but I can forsee when we get married me and her will probably have some issues..because she doesn’t know how to let go…She expects him to do way to much for her and its not fair that she expect her children to live their lives simply to please her most of the time…Well…when we get married she is in for a very rude awakening…

Post # 50
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

My Future Mother-In-Law is the best!! She is crazy and lots of fun, and loves to cook. She knows I hate fish so if the FH brings me over to eat with the fam. she always has something great for me to eat. Lovely family I lucked out. I had a potential relationship once in which he was Jewish, I am not and his mother hateddddd me.

Post # 51
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My relationship with the Mother-In-Law is not horrible nor good, which is a positive, because I try my best to keep some distance between us. The Fiance cares for his mother, but does not agree with her decisions or tactics.

Throughout the dating and engagement period, the Mother-In-Law often tried to arrange a “fake” marriage to her best friend’s daughter in another country with the Fiance, so the daughter could get a chance at coming to the US. Her friend’s family is not in a dire situation or anything. The Mother-In-Law would have these daily conversations with Fiance right in front of me and she even tried to convince him that I would “understand” her motives.

After marriage, the Mother-In-Law has not changed much, but she lives in another state and only comes to visit her other son’s family once a year for a week. Other than her daily complaint phone calls to DH – things are pretty peaceful.

Post # 52
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

All things considered, I have a positive, if awkward, relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law and her husband. 

FH had a lot of drama with his mom and stepdad growing up, and went to live with his dad, who is the nicest guy.  He had just begun to really be able to move past all that right before we started dating.  His younger brother (FBIL) eloped at age 19 with a girl who turned out to be nuts, and so I know they are happy that I am sane and officially engaged, and planning a big ole wedding.  The first time she met me, Future Mother-In-Law announced that I was the best one he had brought home yet.  They were living in another state and just moved to another country, so we rarely see them or even talk to them.  When we see each other, FSFIL likes to pick on me to get a reaction, but now I just pick on him right back.  My MO is just to keep smiling.

My parents are local, and I come from a big, loud, occasionally overbearing Italian-Jewish family, so I’m lucky that they and FH get along swimmingly.

Post # 53
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I get along with my Mother-In-Law fairly well. She has her VERY annoying moments but she is trying to make a change in her life so I am being more patient since I know it has a lot to do with what my Father-In-Law had done to her for 23 years.

When I say annoying moments, it is when she will text, email or call me or the hubs asking if we were mad at her. She would even apologize out of the blue just in case she offended us. That is what drives us batty, because it would be out of the blue. When we were just dating and I didn’t respond to an email in a few days, she would call the hubs asking if we were still together. This has happened, pretty much the 4 years we have been together so you understand how annoying it can be. Recently though, my hubs had enough and told her about it (which she overreacted – whole other story) but since then she has only done it once which we reminded her again about it and it has suddenly stopped. The reason my hubs never talked to her before about it is because she is just too sensitive, hense the overreacting, which is not something my hubs wanted to deal with.

Besides that, our relationship is fine. Her and her hubby has done a lot for us and we are very appreciative of that. Even with some of these issues, I am thankful to have a likeable Mother-In-Law. I just wish I had the same relationship with my Father-In-Law <sigh>

Post # 54
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is a really interesting topic to me, and foremost in my mind lately.  I used to get along with Future Mother-In-Law great before my engagement – due to my trying VERY hard.  We have vastly differing opinions on social issues and how to treat others.  It never ceases to amaze me how even though she travels a lot, she remains close-minded and bigoted.  She is also extremely overbearing and does not treat her husband or my Fiance well, which really pisses me off, since they are SUCH good people and do SO MUCH for her.  She favors her younger son, her baby, to a great extent, which my Fiance totally sees some days and is totally in denial about other days. 

Anyway, I tried to get along with her while Fiance and I were dating, which has been about six years.  I succeeded in getting her to like me, but once Fiance and I got engaged and wedding plans started, she has gone completely psycho.  Before, she was passive aggressive, but now, she is aggressive-passive-aggressive, LOL.  She keeps trying to guilt my Fiance about wedding things and is being quite manipulative in pitting her sons against each other over our wedding.  My Fiance and I agreed after the last big blowup that we would not visit her as often anymore (she lives about an hour’s train ride away, and we used to visit her for entire weekends every two or three weeks).  I do not like the woman as a person, but I am trying to get over how she treats us and my Fiance (and FFIL), and focus on how my Fiance feels.  Because although she’s loony, I guess she is his mother and he obviously cares about her and what she thinks.  

My Fiance and I are talking about moving to another state once the economy picks up, and I can’t WAIT to live across the country from her.

Post # 55
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I get along with my Mother-In-Law pretty well.  She lives in Tennessee and moved there about 4 years ago because of her new husbands job, so we don’t see her often.  I did get super annoyed with her the week of the wedding though.  We were staying at her dad’s house, my hubs grandpa’s.  And she was staying there too, and since we don’t get to see her very often she was just up our butts the whole time!  I mean, I understand it’s an emotional time for her and everything, but all I wanted to do was to relax and get my few last minute projects done and I got like 0 alone time that whole week!  I like her much better when I only have to see her a few days out of the year and I don’t have to live with her!  It sounds terrible, but my mom is just not that clingy, so I guess I’m not used to it.

Post # 56
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My Mother-In-Law adores me lol. Not to brag or anything, but she seriously loves me to pieces, and I love her equally! She thinks I’m just the CAT’S PAJAMAS ^._.^

 

 

Post # 57
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

Well I’m not engaged yet but I do live with my b/f and his family.  His still at home because it’s normal within his culture.  His mom is totally cool she’s sorta like a second mom to me.  My mom died three years ago before I ever met FH.   Anyway I get along with her great I don’t pay rent or buy my own groceries even though I’m a vegetarian and everyone elses isn’t.  I’m also a struggling college student but I’m very appreciative of her and she considers me her third daughter.

Post # 58
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I stepped in poop with my Future Mother-In-Law. Fir reel. She’s always been amazing and openly affectionate toward me. She gave me a great big hug & kissed me on the cheek the 1st time she met me and we were nowhere near engaged! It might help that we were at a pretty big family function with FI’s fam and there were many drinks involved. Yep, the 1st time I met my Future Mother-In-Law we got a little tipsy and smoked a few ciggies together and that was that – she was my homeslice.   

While I will always love my own Mom, she’s much more traditional and old-fashioned where Future Mother-In-Law is young and more in touch with modern ideas so I actually get along with Future Mother-In-Law much better. I realize how lucky I am. My poor Fiance has it exactly the opposite.

Post # 59
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a funny relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law. She can be a really fun person to hang out with but there are definitly some things that drive me nuts about her. First, she treats my Fiance like a baby, and then turns it around. I’ve seen her force him to accept a twenty dollar bill, and then tell his dad that he came to her asking for lunch money. Second, she sometimes acts like I should be closer with her than I am with my Fiance. Last year when she was going through a divorce with my FI’s dad, she would tell me things about it and then say, “Don’t tell (FI) though!”. A lot of this has changed since the divorce. She moved out last December and my Fiance kind of took his Dad’s side. I think everyone is less tense now, but she still says weird things sometimes. When we went out to eat for my FI’s birthday, she gave me a lecture about how your wedding day is NOT the most important day of your life, and her wedding reception only cost $7 a plate, so we shouldn’t go overboard! It could be worse, she’s not mean or anything, she’s just a blabbermouth.

Post # 60
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I got very lucky in the in-law department!  My relationship with my own parents has recently become strained with all the wedding planning and my future in laws (including sister in law) are really stepping up and helping out and being very supportive.  There are evne times that i Have consulted my future Mother-In-Law over my own mother in regards to the wedding!  I hope that after the wedding is all done and over with my relationship with my parents returns to normal, but if not i know that i will always have supportive in laws!

Post # 61
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I love my FIL! And i’m pretty sure they love me too, although I think they love my son more!!! 🙂

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