- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
We are having a very small wedding (58 guests) but I still sent the STD out at the beginning of the year. When it came time to send out the invites, there was one person I was hesitant to send to. I sent the STD even though we hadn’t been very close lately (or even talked in like 6 months) in a hopes that it would spark up things again, but no. I hesitated to send an invite over the summer, but the few people I mentioned it to said I HAD to invite her…so I did. The RSVP date came and went and she and her husband were the only ones who didn’t RSVP. I waited a few days and when I finally emailed her I found out that she and her husband have split and she moved so it’s possible she never got it. She then proceeds to tell me that she works that day until the time we’re serving dinner, so she would show up around 7pm (event ends at 10). This would mean she misses the wedding, the cocktail hour, and dinner – she’ll only be there to drink and dance…and she’ll be bringing a date (who that is, IDK). At first I was just glad to hear that she would come at all, but the more I thought about it the more upset I was.
We had a strong connection with each other for two years, and went through some amazing physical challenges together (training and running a marathon), so I felt totally comfortable telling her how I felt right out. I told her it stung that she wouldn’t be there for the actual wedding stuff and would just be using it as a date night. She understood, and then offered to try and sneak out of work early to come to dinner, but she couldn’t guarantee it…which is worse than not coming at all! Two potentially wasted meals? After some waffling from the both of us and eggshell walking over dis-inviting, she told me she didn’t want to make me upset or anxious on my wedding day and bowed out of attending at all. Gracious, but I can’t help but feel like a heel and the bad guy here. I know that my actions in this have absolutely ruined any chance of rekindling that friendship, but I was really feeling used – my wedding isn’t a place for reconciling the long-lost friendship (we’ve tried to get together several times over this year, but it never works) nor is it an open door dance-hall for stopping by on a whim.
If you were in my shoes, would you have done things differently? How late is it acceptable for someone to come to a wedding? Would you skip the ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner just to go dance and drink, knowing it was an incredibly intimate event?