How late is "too late" to send wedding thank you notes?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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leelee93 :  it’s never too late, but I would get them out before the baby shower invites are sent out otherwise you will look REALLY ungrateful and greedy. 

Post # 32
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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leelee93 :  As a fellow distracted and forgetful person, I can see how this could be overlooked. Don’t stress about it – I couldn’t care less if and/or when I get a thank you card. I only attend weddings of people who are important to me, and I know I am important to them, so the thank you is implied to me. But hey, I’m not an etiquette person at all (so maybe don’t listen to me). Just wanted you to know there are people out there who won’t care one teeny bit about a late thank you. Especially if they love you. 

Post # 33
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It took us about 3 months to write them all.  I also sent one more at about the 4 month mark, because one of my guests was in a coma for a while after our wedding, but then woke up.  Any gifts that were not given at the reception got either immediate thank-you notes or at least a call/text thank you in the meantime.  I sent my shower thank yous before the wedding. 

We really wanted to write personal messages on them, and I could only do so many per night before my brain turned to mush.

I personally start to side eye people at about the 6 months mark, thinking they might never send one.  If they do eventually send it late, I usually just sort of feel sorry for them and assume they either had a ton to write or their life is probably chaos.  

I also sort of judged one couple who “sent us” a photo post card thank you note, unsigned with no message.  The return address was the bride’s mom.  I kind of think the bride’s mother just did it for them, which to me is questionable.  Still better than nothing though.

Post # 34
Member
7524 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I honestly don’t think it’s a huge deal, though I’m sure you probably have a few sticklers on your guest list who are clutching their pearls. I don’t think 5 months is so horrible – I received one almost a year late recently and that didn’t bother me either. Likewise, we were moving a couple months ago and I found an unsent thank you note from our wedding (which was 13 months ago at that point!) stashed away in a drawer…so embarrassing! Dh had written the note but failed to send it cause the guy had moved and he didn’t know his address, and clearly dropped the ball on hunting it down. At that point I told dh to just email the dude cause this was too embarrassing…so he did, they had a pleasant exchange, and hopefully that dude won’t hate us forever. My attitude with this stuff is better late than never.

Post # 35
Member
5466 posts
Bee Keeper

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bostonbee2018 :  Same. 

It’s late but not too late. Set aside some time this week and write them. A few each day. Then send. You’ll feel better trust me. 

Post # 36
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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leelee93 :  I’d much rather get a late thank you than no thank you. I know a couple sent me a pretty late thank you (6ish months later), but I can’t remember who it was (just remember it happened, it was one of DH’s friends but not sure which couple)… But I DO remember the ones who didn’t send a thank you at all. One of the couples was actually pretty rude about us giving them a gift, then didn’t even bother to thank us in any way, shape, or form. Probably won’t bother with sending them a gift for anything in the future. 

Post # 37
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I was married at the end of April and got ours out at the beginning of July (with a few stragglers of guests of guests whose addresses I’m trying to track down…).  I waited to send mine all out at once (so that I wasn’t getting the “Janice got hers why didn’t I get mine” comments….) and it took a long time to write them!!  DH’s handwriting is atrocious and, even though he signed his name and helped with stamps and licking envelopes – it was on me to actually write the notes.  Additionally, it took time to get the actual cards as we wanted a wedding photo on the card.  Anyway – my point is, there are reasons for the cushion of time and people expect for newlywed life to be a bit chaotic.  So just get them out ASAP.  Better late than never.  I just barely received a note from my friend whose wedding was a year ago…. so, like PP mentioned, you’re in better shape than that!

Post # 38
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I know someone who NEVER sent a thank you card. So, never is bad. If I got one now, I would think it was OK and the people I’m thinking of got married in September. 

Post # 39
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Honestly the people on this thread are being so hateful and negative. So what she hasn’t sent them out yet? You’ve never had life get in the way of something before? Well congratulations you’re the lucky few!! Just send the thank you cards out whenever you get the opportunity and don’t stress yourself over it! I’m sure the people at your wedding weren’t heartless shrews… they’ll understand that life happens and probably won’t even pay attention to the fact that it’s so called “late”. 

 

Post # 40
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

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leelee93 :  Omg, people are so intense. If I were a guest at your wedding, I would not at all be offended–especially with the pregnancy and whatnot. I’ve gotten wedding thank you cards one month later and I’ve gotten some 6 months later. It’s all good! Just send them out in the next week or two 🙂 

Post # 41
Member
7624 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would sit down tonight and get started.

It’s not great that they’re this late but it’s a heck of a lot better to send them now than never send them.

Post # 42
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

Hey, it’s ok. Just get them mailed out tomorrow. Apologize for the lateness in the card. Do it tomorrow, don’t waste more time. 

Post # 43
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It looks bad to send them this late, but it looks even worse to not send them at all. 

Post # 44
Member
852 posts
Busy bee

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newbee0926 :  no one on here is name calling but you so who’s actually the hateful one. Disagreeing that there’s an excuse for being really late with thank you notes doesn’t make you hateful. Calling people heartless shrews sounds much more hateful to me.

Post # 45
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Send ’em out. Apologize (whether in the card or in person or whatever) but it’s not something you need to be guiltstricken about like some posters think you should be.

The world will continue to turn and the sun will still rise and set. Not the end of the world, but def get them out.

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