How late is "too late" to send wedding thank you notes?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
7669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

leelee93 :  I totally understand where you’re coming from bee. I also had awful morning sickness and I get it…there were whole days where I couldn’t do much more than throw up and weakly answer the door to Uber Eats bringing me more pancakes. 

People love to get on their high horse on this website especially when it comes to manners and etiquette. I’m sure none of the people admonishing you ever made a mistake or committed a faux pas in their life – it must be nice to be them! Seriously though, don’t sweat it. I guarantee that the vast majority of your guests will not be bothered that the thank you’s came five months after the wedding. 

Post # 62
Member
5139 posts
Bee Keeper

leelee93 :  Wow that’s a lot! I bet you feel better. I mailed ours late too. I wanted to send them all together as well. 

Post # 63
Member
9459 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

late better than never!

Post # 65
Member
3909 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

leelee93 :  Holy crap bee. This post became intense! I gotta say, good for you for getting them all finished and out so quickly once you realized they hadn’ been sent! I wanted to mention that I honestly wouldn’t even be phased by receiving a thank you card 5 months after the wedding (but I also think lots of etiquette rules are ridiculous and people should loosen up and use some common sense instead of following arbitrary rules (IMHO). You have a lot on your plate and be accused of lying and being trashy? Jeez… that’s just completely overboard. Like you said, you’re an adult, not a child that needed to be chastised. I think your priorities are right where they should be. Congratulations on all the exciting things happening in your life right now and I hope you start feeling better quickly so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

Post # 66
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Omg who cares. I hate when people get so excited to tell you that you screwed up. Yes, it’s a little late. No, it’s not the end of the world. Send them now, write heartfelt notes, and after that,  anyone who is mad about it is just looking for things to be mad about. 

Post # 67
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

leelee93 :  Sorry for the brutal comments you are getting bee. I think that most people are reacting to the fact that you “forgot to send them”. Forgetting to SEND is one thing… but it sounds like (if I read this correctly) that you forgot to WRITE them. Which is something that I also cannot understand. From the moment we opened gifts/used them I would think I need to thank them I need to thank them. And writing the notes took 3 evenings with wine + netflix I would NOT forget that experience.

Sorry to hear about your brutal morning sickness but if you’re being honest with yourself I think it’s more that you were too busy/unwell to do it and pushed it off… which is ok. Write them, send them, then you can forget about it. Better late than never. I do think some guests are thinking WTF right now especially if their gift was particularly generous. Thank your guests for their gifts ASAP!

Post # 68
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

somathemagical :  It’s probably not helpful to compare your actions to another bees. You don’t live her life or walk in her shoes. It’s great you have that compulsion to thank people right away for a gift – others don’t. Perhaps it’s because they don’t get the same level of love from an object that you may feel. Languages of love thing. While etiquette is important, it’s also kind of garbage at the end of the day. She realized her mistake and has mailed them out. Some (most) of the best people I know are forgetful procrastinators with hearts of gold. Some (most) of the worst people I know are etiquette perfectionists ie judgmental sticklers. Food for thought.

 

 

Post # 69
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

bluebird12 :  Seeing as this is an internet forum and not a “support group” I am simply connecting my experience to hers and giving insight as to why some people may have reacted that way. My love language is quality time and words of affirmation not gift giving. I do not ascribe importance to physical items but rather recognize that others went out of their way with generosity and should be thanked accordingly. I would not consider myself an “etiquette perfectionist” but rather a considerate host, taking the feelings of others into account. Some might not care about the quick Thank You… but others do, and because of that I’d thank right away to avoid hurting the feelings of others. 

And FWIW some (most) of the best people I know are considerate and generous hosts with hearts of gold. Some (most) of the worst people I know are forgetful procrastinators ie flakes and unreliable individuals.

Post # 70
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

somathemagical :  I did not mean to imply YOU were the etiquette perfectionist.. I’m sorry if it came across that way, and I can see how it might have. I definitely agree a considerate person needs to sometimes cater to optics, but I don’t agree with monday morning quarterbacking. 

Post # 72
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You probably spent more per plate than they gave you to begin with, so it all comes out in the wash. wink

Kidding!!!! Before anyone gets triggered – I know that their presence is the gift and a thank you is in order, just think it’s crazy that anyone would be offended by a *late* thank you card. Give what you want without expecting anything in return. I “procrastinated” with mine too, but only because I included wedding photos that took a while, and handwritten notes that mentioned a memory from the night specific to the recipient. Hopefully nobody was offended by the time it took. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors