(Closed) How late would you be willing to have your last child?

posted 8 years ago in TTC
  • poll: What is the oldest you would be okay with when having your last child?

    Under 30

    31

    32

    33

    34

    35

    36

    37

    38

  • Post # 17
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’m surprised the poll doesn’t go older, since it’s for the LAST child. I’m 27, and no one in my circle has children. Fiance (30) and I would like time together before children as well, and we are one of the first of our close circle to get married. I imagine we will have children in our mid 30s, and most of our friends will too, but wouldn’t be surprised in the least if we all skew older. Many of our friends are still single. 

    This is probably regional too. We are from DC, live in NYC now. Most of our friends focused on education, life and career first. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I would like to be done having kids at 30 or shortly after because my parents were much older parents and it kind of sucks but I guess it would depend on if we decide to have 2 or 3 and if we have any troubles getting pregnant. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it depends on a lot of other factors like financial situation, educational and professional goals. For a LONG time I imagined being done having kids by 30-32 and I very distinctly felt the push of my biological clock ticking and this time-frame I had in my head. Recently, though through a few life experiences that has changed. Now I would be totally fine being done in my 40’s.

    Fiance and I are both “bootstrappers”. Currently, I am a graduate student and he is a veteran finishing his undergrad degree. After that he will be going to law school or pursuing a MBA. So it is quite likely that we will be starting at the time I wanted to be finishing. This was a bit disappointing to me at first. Then, my older sister got married a few years ago and she and her DH just purchased their dream home and had their first child. She’s 35 and he is 40. Their neighborhood is full of “power couples” like my sister who is a top marketing exec and her very successful tax attorney husband. Most of their friend group and neigbors had kids in their late 30’s and early to mid 40’s. Having the opportunity to talk to these people that share my background and have achieved what I am working toward has changed my mind. Seeing them be able to afford all of the luxuries I want for my children and give them the opportunities that we didn’t have growing up makes waiting worth it to me. So all that to say I think it depends on your other goals and the other factors that inform the life you have and want to have to bring children into.

     

    Post # 20
    Member
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @joya_aspera:  +1.

    I’m 28 at the moment and we are probably only planning two children, so life and circumstance mean I’m likely to be done in my early 30s, but I don’t think I could ever put an end date. My sister was born when my mother was 41 and my step-father was 48 (she had me at 21!).

    Yes there are some risks with advanced maternal age (although it isn’t the commonly portrayed 34 and 365 days = fine then bam, overnight danger danger!), but they aren’t enough to make me shut up shop purely because of age.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    When I imagined myself having kids as a teenager, I thought 30 would be a good cutoff. Got married at 27 and had twins just before turning 29, so hopefully we’ll be done by the time I’m 31 or 32. It’s looking okay right now, provided there aren’t any fertility problems. 

    If I had to pick an end date, it would ideally be around 35… but if I was 35 and didn’t feel ‘done’ having kids, I’d probably try up until my 40s. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee

    @dulcevida:  this is true, but not everyone has to wait untiL they are older to be a power couple. By the time my SO and I will start having kids (me at 25 and him 30), we will each be making 6 figure salaries and have a combined income of 250k+ (I’ll be graduated with a law degree and I already have multiple 6 figure job offers, SO will be an engineer with a job offer already accepted for after he graduates). So luckily we’ll have the best of both worlds, youth and means.

     

    But I wouldn’t think to have children until we were able to give them the world. So I guess if I were in a different situation, I would wait until I’m older and more financially situated before I had children.

    Post # 23
    Member
    957 posts
    Busy bee

    @Pixienickie:  I think you should add two more options.  1. Until I reach menopause 2. Until I am medically unable.  

    Plenty of people are getting married later in life, and as a consequence are having children later (even if they would have preferred earlier).

    Post # 25
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I don’t have an end age in mind.  Whenever we’re done, we’re done.  If we have difficulty we’ll consider alternatives when we decide its time.  We want 3 or 4 and we’re both in or 30s.  We won’t even be starting until I’m 33.  

    Two of my aunts had babies at 40.  No problems, they still had enough energy to deal with them.  They both had children 15 years older than their youngest.  Both of those two kids are well adjusted adults now.  

    My parents are in their 60s but still very young at heart.  Heck, my dad is 65 and still plays in weekend long volleyball tournaments.  He took up volleyball when he was 59.  Age really is just a number.  

    And most of my friends/coworkers.cousins have started having children in their 30s.  FI’s siblings were all in their mid 30s.  We’re from big cities, this is pretty common for people in our social circles.  In fact, of all my close friends only 1 has children.  She had her first at 15 and her second at 21.  She’s now 31 and thinking of a 3rd. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    My husband and I want to start TTC in about a year and a half for our first child. I’ll be about 28 or so.  I voted 35, mostly for health reasons.  However, if things don’t work out how we plan them, I wouldn’t be opposed to older.  We want 2 kids.

    Post # 27
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    @adayoruba:  I totally agree that not everyone has to wait until they are older to be a power couple. I don’t think anyone has to want to be a power couple to begin with.  That is why I said “So all that to say I think it depends on your other goals and the other factors that inform the life you have and want to have to bring children into.”

    That being said I don’t consider couples that are just starting out professionally to be “power couples” no matter their income. I think the term is used quite loosely in most circles. For my circle it means having influence in your field and or being a SME and readily recognized in your field as such. Personally we don’t want to start OUR family while we’re both young up-starts, (what I consider couple that have recently graduated and are just starting their professional lives regardless of salary) which is what Fiance will be when we finish school. We have chosen to wait until we have achieved a proven record of professional success and achievement. That’s what works for us. I’m glad you have also found what works for you!

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I met my husband at age 32, we got married when I was 34, and now at 36 I am one week from the due date of our first child.  It would be nice if I had been able to do this sooner in certain respects, but that is not how my life played out.

    I am glad that my husband and I did not rush our relationship just to accelerate having kids.  I am also glad that I have a masters degree and 15 years of work experience under my belt, savings in the bank, passport stamps from 20+ countries, a comfortable home, and well-earned flexibility in my job.  I feel very logistically set to have a baby, and I have checked a majority of other things off my bucket list.  I am ok with being tied down and a little “boring” now that I have done a lot of living before having a kid.

    Everything has its tradeoffs.

    Post # 29
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee

    I always knew I would be a young mom.  I had my first at 21, and I’m having my second next month at 24.  If we decide to try for a boy, I would probably be around 26 when I have him.  I would not want to have kids after 30, personally, but can understand why others wait.

    Post # 30
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    @ElbieKay:  Thanks so much for sharing! Your story is exactly what Fiance and I are working toward. I’ll probably be around your age when we start and it seems perfect for the life we want to have.

    Post # 31
    Member
    1673 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    10 years ago I would have said 35. Now I’m 32 and TTC for the first time and we want 2 or 3 kids. I’m not giving myself a deadline at this point. It depends on how my first pregnancy goes, what happpens in the next few years, how long we wait in between, etc. Your risk does go up over time, but it’s not like it actually skyrockets the minute you turn a year older.  I highly doubt I’ll be like “Oh, I’m 40 now so we have to be done with the baby thing.”

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