How likely is this his baby? Please don't judge..

posted 3 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
5557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

jbake8422 :  will you be prepared to date someone who has a child if it does end up being his? You aren’t going to find out until the baby is born. That’s a lot of time to grow attached to him only to find out that he is a father and you will be dating someone who has a child.

I don’t really think there is anything you can do but decide if you want to stay and if you will continue to stay if the baby ends up being his.

If the baby is his, he will be coparenting with the mother. That’s a lot for you to take on in a new relationship, you just have to decide if it’s something you are prepared for even though it isn’t certain yet 

Post # 3
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Based on the information you’ve provided, it certainly sounds like it’s more likely to be the other guy’s child—I don’t know about the dating, but just the fact that he came in her while your guy pulled out.

More importantly, I just want to say that it sounds like your guy has done everything right when it comes to you. Maybe you will get advice that you should remove yourself from the situation (meaning step away from this guy altogether?), but I don’t really see why. So it wasn’t the greatest decision to continue after the condom broke, but he wouldn’t be the first or last person to do that. What matters is that he got tested before being with you.

Post # 4
209 posts
Helper bee

I understand this is confusing, bee, but I’m not really sure what else the bees can tell you; none of us know the baby’s parentage, and I think that’s not the point.

This woman has nothing to do with you, and you should stay out of her business. Trying to figure out someone else’s conception date is crossing a line. I hope you’re not thinking of contacting her, even after the paternity test results come back.

All you can do is decide what you will do once you know (if he even decides to tell you; he has no obligation). Either continue the relationship with him or don’t.

Post # 5
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Everyone has a past. Fortunately for most of us, our pasts don’t rear their ugly heads later. I absolutely won’t shame him.

I think you need to decide if this is something you want to be involved with. The fact is you won’t know paternity until the baby is tested. Are you ready to date a man who has a child? Are you ready for another woman to be in his life forever?

There is no right or wrong answer. You need to decide what is right for you.

Post # 7
9811 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If all of those dates are accurate (conception date, dates she had sex with both partners) I would say it is very likely the other guys baby. But it is very hard to know if the conception date is accurate unless she was charting/temping or under doctor supervision (re: fertility treatments).

Do you know how the they found out the due date?  What I’m saying is, due dates can sometimes be off depending on how they are dating the pregnancy.  It depends on how long her cycles normally are, if they are regular, and if there were any ultrasounds to date the pregnancy.  For that reason, due dates (and backdating the conception date) are not always 100% accurate.

Let’s say she has irregular cycles and doesn’t find out she is pregnant until the second half of the first trimester.  Initially the OB would probably give a due date based on the LMP but since that can be irregular that means it could be inaccurate.  So they might do an ultrasound.  If she is over 9weeks when she has the ultrasound the ultrasound measurements would have to be off more than 7 days for them to adjust the due date.  That means there is a 7 day window  in either direction for the due date (and conception date) to move around.

This sort of happened to me with my first baby.  I had implantation bleeding that I thought was my period so I did not actually find out I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks along.  However, I did not know that so we did a due date based on my LMP (which was in fact not a period but the implantation bleeding) which was 4/23.  So I go in for a “12 week” ultrasound and the baby is measuring way bigger, like 3+ weeks bigger.  Since the discrepency was so large between the LMP due date and ultrasound measurements, they moved my due date up to 4/3.  I only had to think back on what had happened to realize that what I thought was my last period was actually heavy implantation bleeding.

So I wouldn’t say for 100% that he couldn’t be the baby’s father as there is very rarely 100% certainty on the due date unless the woman was temping/charting her cycles or there was fertility treatments involved/under doctor’s care.

Post # 8
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m going to actually answer the question you asked, to the best of my ability.  Doctors will set your due date based on the date of your last period.  They will take the date of the first day of your last period, calculate 40 weeks from that day, and that is your due date.  If someone doesn’t know the date of their last period or they have extremely irregular periods, they might do an early ultrasound to measure the embryo and set a date based on that measurement.  The due date might also be changed after the first ultrasound, typically if the embryo is measuring more than 1 week off from the due date based on your last period.  So to be able to answer your question better, we would need to know if that date is based off her last period, or by measurement.  Or if the measurement is off by a few days from the LMP date, which direction is it?  I know this is confusing…for example – if at her first ultrasound (usually around 8-10 weeks), if she was 8 weeks by the LMP date, but the embryo measured at 8 weeks, 5 days, they wouldn’t change the due date, but it’s possible that the baby was conceived before that “conception date” of February 19th.  And that would mean it was probably your boyfriend’s…  But if the baby was measuring 7 weeks, 2 days, it would be much more likely that it was the other guy’s.  

So based on the information given, I think it is much more likely that it is the other guy’s baby, but if you were able to get us more information about the ultrasound dating, I might be able to give you more conclusive advice!  

Post # 9
871 posts
Busy bee

Of course everything has been going great- you’ve only been dating this guy for a handful of weeks. You’re both on your best behaviour and riding that early-dating-stage can’t-get-enough-of-each-other high. So please don’t elevate this brand new relationship to soulmate status just yet- I’m saying this realistically, not sarcastically. I’m sure your first few months with your ex were wonderful too, even if future events soured you on him to the point that you’re thinking these two months are magical in a way they never were before. 

The thing is, probability here doesn’t matter and neither would false reassurances on an internet site. No-one here can possibly guess whether or not he’s the father. I realize you’re hoping we’ll tell you it’s much more likely the other guy is the father, but the truth is we have no clue and neither do you. You’re also only going by what your boyfriend is telling you- he may be truthful that he used protection and one time the condom broke- or they could have had unprotected sex multiple times. Either way, even one time is enough. You’re also going by an uncomfortable amount of intimate knowledge of this woman’s possible conception dates, which again are only being relayed to you by a boyfriend who is possibly trying to downplay (even to himself) his own likelihood in all of this. 

You simply won’t have answers until a paternity test, no matter how you try to make any third hand knowledge conception math line up in your favour. 

The question is- if he is the father, can you deal with all that this entails? Because if he is the father, this new little baby should become his first priority- both timewise and financially. He’ll have to find a way to co-parent and possibly share custody with this ex, which means she will be an active part of his life for many years. 

There is also the risk for you that they may decide to give their relationship another chance, especially as it doesn’t sound like she’s still involved with her other partner. 

This is a lot to take on and I can’t give you the reassurance you really want, that it’s likely the other guy’s baby. You don’t want to be told to extricate yourself from the situation either, so I guess under the circumstances I would advise you to at least pump the brakes on this relationship until you see not only whether he’s the father or not but how this is all going to play out if he is. If you don’t want to end the relationship, at least take several steps back and just date him casually once or twice a week and do not allow yourself to become so enmeshed in this that you’re trying to calculate this woman’s concepton date. Not ideal advice and from the way you describe this new relationship in unrealistically glowing terms, likely not advice you’ll end up following, but that’s my two cents anyway. 

Post # 10
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Can you continue dating him comfortably with a potential baby on the horizon? Is this what you want to do?  A decent guy would understand you taking a step back until paternity can be established. After a nasty divorce, you deserve a relationship that’s simpler.

Post # 11
9421 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it could absolutely go either way with only 8 days between men. Due dates can be calculated differently by LMP or ultrasound, some people ovulate late, some embryos take longer to implant etc.

Post # 12
4791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Was she sleeping with both men throughout January as well? The dates provided by you make me think that your boyfriend could very well be the father. No one knows how many times and how often the pulling out method as used before the 10th. And it’s not a good form of birth control, c’mon now. I agree with PP, think hard about tying yourself to this man with a possible child and ex of a few months staying close.

Post # 13
6150 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

What a challenging situation and I feel for your guy- a surprise call like that out of the blue must have thrown him for a loop. Based on the information you shared, it does seem more likely to be the other guy’s baby, but there’s no guarantee and neither of you should allow yourselves to let that possibility settle in your minds. This is now a many months long maybe that he will just have to see through (and you as well, if you decide to stay with him).

The mother to be is wise to give everyone a heads up in advance, though, so there will be less surprise later. And it sounds like your guy is as prepared as he could possibly be, given the circumstances.

Post # 14
838 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s very VERY unlikely that your bf is the father.

If her periods are irregular, her OB probably would’ve ordered a dating ultrasound…if they got Nov 12th from the ultrasound, this would undoubtedly put the conception date around Feb 19th. If her periods are regular, and her predicted due date is Nov 12 based on that, this would still put her most likely conception date around Feb 19th, as the likelihood of ovulating a whole week early is *extremely* rare for someone with regular periods. Assuming she has a regular cycle, her due date would imply a “last period” date of Feb 5th…that’s only 5 days before the encounter with your bf. She was probably freshly done bleeding when they got together. Sperm usually only lives 1-3 days in an ideal environment (and fresh off one’s period definitely wouldn’t be such an environment). I’d say it’s near impossible that your bf is the father…maybe a 5% chance. 

Post # 15
4036 posts
Honey bee

The probability of course is 50%. None of the other factors make enough of a difference; sperm can stay active for up to 4-5 days. I would start planning that he is going to have a child to support, so you have time to get used to it and can reevaluate the relationship if need be.

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