(Closed) How long after a hard break-up did you wait to start dating?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I don’t think there is a definitive answer,  it depends on your break up your own mindset etc.  When I broke up with one ex I couldn’t even speak to a fella in that way for months however somebody I was with for two years almost broke up but I was over it before it ended if you know what I mean I dated again a week later!! 

 

Post # 3
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

After my 5 year relationship broke up years ago, it took me about 6 months to look at another guy, and another 6 months after that to be interested enough in a guy to go on a date. Other people jump right back into the dating pool and are totally comfortable. You have to do what feels right – if you feel like it’s too soon, it is. Give yourself another few months and focus on yourself. 

Post # 4
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

I actually moved on pretty quickly, and by pretty quickly I mean like, 2 weeks. lol 

Post # 5
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I personally didn’t wait long enough. The relationship was over for a few months by the time I gave the ring back, but I jumped back into dating way too quickly (less than a month after I was with my ex for six years).

There’s no right or wrong answer, but only get back into dating if you actually want to and not because you don’t want to be alone. It’s good to have time to pause and reflect about what you want from yourself before you try to find a person to share that with.

I’m not that long into dating my current SO, but we met about a year out from my horrible break-up. He is everything I ever wanted in a person, but I definitely needed time to realize that I deserved that and didn’t have to settle.

Post # 6
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
martha32:  The first real relationship I ever had was so dysfunctional and we went off and on again for years and I ended up getting distanced from some friends and family who I was driving nuts with my stupid decisions I kept making.  Once I finally moved on from him when I broke up with my next few boyfriends I would start going out pretty immediately.  I didn’t want to get lured back into a relationship out of lonliness but I was honest with the guys I hung out with and told them I was looking for friends and nothing more.  I ended up having a lot of fun in my single years because of that attitude even though it may not be how everyone else chooses to move on.  By fun I mean getting to experience different things like concerts, restaurants, and meeting cool and interesting people.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
5081 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

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martha32:  When my ex and I broke up after 6 years together, I started casually dating another guy about 3-4 months later. I didn’t actively try to date, but this was a guy that I worked with and had been hanging out with as friends that sort of evolved. We dated for a few months but I ended up meeting my now-husband just shy of a year after the initial break up. 

I don’t think there’s a right answer to how long you should wait. I sort of subscribe to the notion that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but that doesn’t work for everyone. It certainly did for me. That rebound relationship (despite being a terrible relationship) snapped me out of my pit of depression after the break up. I don’t think it’s reasonable to go into a fresh new relationship thinking that the rebound is the one or getting serious right away, but I found that having someone else be interested in me was a huge confidence booster and I needed that after feeling like I was worthless and nobody else would ever want me. 

The reason for the break up probably also contributes. Cheating may take longer to get over and get to a point where you could trust another guy than a relationship just fizzling out, for example. 

Post # 8
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Hagakyrkan

View original reply
martha32:  o my. One day, I met Fiance on a night out with a friend after I broke up with my ex. Fiance and I had met before and he had shown some interest until he found out I wasn’t single. I just wanted sex (it was bad and long ago with my ex) so we went home together (to him) that night. the next day I sort of broke apart crying (I felt extremely guilty for dumping my ex) and I said”sorry you have to comfort me, you shouldn’t have to” and he said “well thats what boyfriends are for, if you allow me to be yours?” and I was forever hopelessly stuck in love ๐Ÿ™‚

however….. I had planned to be single for a full year before dating, so I really failed

Post # 9
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

When my ex husband and I divorced I did not date at all for 6 months or so.  I really wanted nothing to do with men in general during that time. Once I did start dating I only dated casually.  I did date 1 guy for 4 months but he was just to much drama so I ended it.  I met my Fiance 6 years after my divorce and he has been my only true “boyfriend” since my husband. I was very very picky and I am so glade I was. We knew pretty fast we were meant for each other because we had each taken the time to learn from our mistakes. 

Post # 10
Member
6930 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think it really depends on several factors. How serious was your relationship? How long were you together? Who initiated the break up? How old are you/what stage of life are you in? 

My last real break up was with my college boyfriend. We dated off and on for about 5 years. I honestly thought we’d get married one day, though looking back on it I think I just thought that way because that was the “next step” and it just made sense. We were both early 20s at the time. He’s the one that ended it with me and it was extremely hard at first to move on. But we were also still talking all the time. About 6 months after we broke up I cut off all contact with him and that definitely helped. I went on a few dates around that time, but I didn’t really feel READY until about a year had passed since we broke up. After that I started seeing someone for about 6 months, but it really wasn’t anything special so I don’t count him as an actual boyfriend. 

I did love my college ex, but now I know that it wasn’t a REAL love like I have with my husband. My husband is the only person I can actually be myself around. With my ex I constantly felt like I had to be on my best behavior. So in retrospect, it’s good that it didn’t work out.

So my timeline was like this: split with ex at 23. Started dating again at 24. Had another semi-relationship at 25/26. Started dating my future husband at 28. Got married at 33. 

Post # 11
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

After a relationship that lasted 3.5 years, I began dating 2 months later. I absolutely did not have the intention to, because I was still thinking about him regularly and very upset. But I met this cool guy, and my best friend encouraged me to get out there and go on a few dates because what could it hurt? We are now 11 days away from the wedding. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I will say, I wish I would have had longer to get over my ex. I think I wasn’t in the best position to be starting a new relationship. But I literally couldn’t turn him down, he seemed so perfect! And now here we are. But had he not been so great and it was just casual dating, I probably would have waited another couple of months.

Post # 12
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

I got with my current SO exactly a month after breaking up with my previous boyfriend of 3+ years. I actually wasn’t quite looking for a relationship at the time, but it just ended up happening. It’s different for everyone, there’s no right or wrong answer, it’s about if you feel ready or not. 

Post # 13
Hostess
4739 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

When I broke up with my first long term boyfriend, I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all. I couldn’t eat for days I was so bummed. Of course I met my now Fiance a couple of weeks later. It took him a month to convince me to date him (I wasn’t ready), but all in all, it happend pretty quickly. We’ve been together for nearly 9 years ๐Ÿ™‚ Everyone moves on at different rates.

Post # 14
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

After ending a 7 year relationship, it took me over 2 years to date someone again. I wasn’t even looking to date anyone at the time; he basically dropped into my lap from the sky. And now I’m engaged to that someone ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I met my DH less about 4 months after breaking up my ex. Thing is, I’d only a week or so beforehand just arrived at a place where I was enjoying my own company and focussing on me. Then we met at a friend’s birthday. So no conscious decision but it felt right.

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