Post # 1
Backstory: my bf (35) and I (27) have been dating around 1.5yrs and have been living together for almost a year. We were talking about marriage and he’s always had a “wait two years of dating rule” and I was curious as to if that was two years then decide if the SO is marriage material or proposal around 2 years (knowing prior to). He said that it wasn’t a hard rule for him, that’s just how long he believes it would take, and that he already is at that point with me. Of course, that makes me so happy. We have a great relationship and compliment each other well. I have known that he is marriage material for quite awhile.
Fast forward to the next week, I send him some ring styles that I like and my ring size.
I’m a bit of a type A, planner type of person and do not really like surprises. I casually mentioned that proposing on my favorite holiday (halloween) would be amazing. He said that was far too soon. And that it would be sometime “within the next year” (the whole talk happened early august)
Is he trying to throw me off? How long after having a serious talk about proposing, rings, etc did your SO (or you) propose??
Post # 2
aligator90 : my husband and I knew from the beginning we wanted to get married, I think it was a little after our one year mark we had a conversation and he said it would be a couple of years till we got engaged. His reasoning was he wanted to save up cash for my ring as he refused to finance something like that. I was fine with this since that would have put us around the three year mark and that seemed reasonable.
He proposed like 7 months later! He told me he was saying a couple years to throw me off.
Your boyfriend could be throwing you off, but also within a year sounds like a good timeline since you’ve been together for 1.5 years.
ETA I really hope he doesn’t mean he needs two years to know if youre marriage material, after 1.5 years together and also living together he should already know. Maybe you should clarify this with him?
Post # 3
We were together about a year. He said he knew I was “the one” much earlier than I did. We then talked about marriage and within a few weeks he officially proposed. We were married a little over 6 months later. So from meeting to marriage it was approximately 18 months give or take.
Post # 4
Talked about getting married, stayed up all night actually discussing our feelings for each other. Ended up going to the jewelry store when they opened, I picked a ring out, and bought it. Started wearing it when it was done being set and sized, so a few days later. Lol. I understand this isn’t typical but we were engaged 4 months after meeting. Married a year later. Just celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary earlier this year.
So I never had a formal proposal or anything. Since I picked the ring and was there when we bought it, I didn’t see the point in waiting.
Post # 5
michellelynn9175 : When grown ups are in love, that’s all that really matters. Thanks for posting your adorably romantic story.
Post # 6
ann.reid.9277 : Awwww, thank you for the sweet words! It’s had its ups and downs for sure but I wouldn’t trade him for a farm in Texas! 😉
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
aligator90 : Did you discuss when you’d like to be married? And how long of an engagement you’d like? When my (now) husband and I talked about our future plans, we planned on getting married the summer after I finished my graduate program (essentially in 2 years from the discussion). We also talked about my ring preferences. I assumed that we’d have a year long engagement or so and wasn’t expecting anything anytime soon. But he proposed 3 months after that discussion, since we were looking at houses and ready to buy. We ended up getting married 6 months after that. My husband wasted no time in setting our plans into motion! Men typically don’t drag their feet when their minds are made up. I’d revisit this discussion if you haven’t nailed down a timeline.
Post # 8
We had a conversation about marriage at about 1.5 years together and we were engaged about 1.5 years later. No surprise as we picked out the ring together.
Post # 9
I would suggest backing off dictating to him WHEN he should propose, you should let him make up his own mind and take ownership of the process. You’re taking away his part of the proposal and part of the magic by dictating such details.
You can send him ring styles you like IF you’ve discussed marriage and agreed that you have particular ring preferences therefore would like to show him what styles you like. But it feels premature to be sending him those now, seeing that he thinks it’s still too soon. Feels like you’re pressuring him to propose. And really 1.5 years isn’t that long at all.
I had a 2 year rule as well and that’s 2 years of dating to be super sure I want to marry the guy. But marriage had always been a topic we discuss once in a while (typically once every 6-12 months) to make sure we’re still on the same page regarding marriage and timeline. My fiancé didn’t initiate proposal talks until a few months after 2 years, and we looked at rings a while after that and he proposed a few months after that so all up from talking about proposing to actually doing it, was about 5 months.
I was relaxed and not really in a hurry knowing that he probably had the ring. I think it’s important to stay true to who you are and how you normally behave, so your boyfriend knows I’m proposing to the same girl that I know and fell in love with. Some let the waiting anxiety take over and behave differently to their normal self, become more controlling and irritable. I don’t think anyone would feel comfortable proposing to someone who suddenly behaves differently when things start to get serious.
Post # 10
Hmm maybe I wasn’t clear in my post.
We did indeed talk about it and he says he knows he is going to propose and that his normal 2 year rule does not apply here.
I was just wondering how long it took from other bees and their SOs discussing and setting clear intentions to get engaged to when the actual proposal was.
I definitely did not tell him when and where- just told him what would be ideal to me. I sent him ring styles because he had asked what I liked.
Post # 11
He brought it up “seriously” in May and we were engaged that September! He did say from the very beginning he was going to marry me, though.
Post # 12
after 5 years i asked him to marry me because i knew i didnt want to wait anymore but we didnt live togther,
he proposed 2 months later a day after my bday and we married a month later so we could move in togther.
on the bee its seem difficult to get the guy to propose when you already live with them. it seems like they already got that part down so they drag their feet and claim other things are factors on why they dont have the ring or whatever. when i asked my husband to marry me he actually said no that he wasnt ready but would take it into consideration lol. after many many long talks i let it be known i wasnt going to stick around to wait and waste anymore time. at first i thought money was an issue so i told him i would pay for half my ring. i knew the ring was coming all along because my mom gave me the green light for him to talk to my dad. on the day he proposed i saw him stick something into his pocket, girl i didnt even let him say the whole thing “do you want to mar…” “yesssssss!!!!” i also dont like to be surpised. be prepared to wait bee. but make it very clear you deserve to know about your future.
Post # 13
Brought engagement up: Jan/Feb 2018
Proposal: May 2018
I brought up engagement with my Fiance to let him know I was ready to get the ball rolling around late January/February of this year (we were both grad students at the time, he was finishing his program in May and I had another year left). At this point we had been together exclusively for 7ish years (high school sweethearts). We then spent a couple of weeks look at rings and realized that my dream ring was way out of budget, but I was happy to compromise. Another couple of weeks and he told me he wanted to wait and save for the ring and would I be willing to wait until the end of the year? I said agreed, though I told him I’d be happy regardless of the ring itself.
Turns out that he was shopping for the stone for my e-ring without telling me. He ended up proposing in May on our 8th anniversary in a secluded spot on a Thailand beach, about a week after the ring was finished.
I understand the frustration – I am also an A type personality and wanted to be super involved in buying my ring (I did a crazy amount of research). The surprise wasn’t important to me. However, my Fiance is super romantic and loves to surprise me; the surprise/moment was more important to him than the ring was to me. He took all of the info I gave him while he were ring shopping and used that to make my custom ring. My advice would be to guide him as much as you can – let him know you’re looking at rings/stone to make sure he gets you exactly what you want or if you’re hard set on picking it out yourself, let him know that!
So your bf could be trying to throw you off – mine did! I wouldn’t work yourself up about it though because he may actually need time. As long as you’re confident in his understanding of the timeline and he is taking steps towards engagement try not to dwell on it (easier said than done, I know).
Post # 14
aligator90 : thanks for clarifying that makes sense 🙂
I’d still advise not to suggest when he should propose though and let him take charge of that aspect.
Post # 15
Much like my experience . I confess I don’t really understand these planned proposals that seem to take months, even years to come to fruition. I think it must be a newish thing? , I am older than most bees I think, more like ann.reid.9277 : ‘s age.