How long after discussing proposal did yours happen?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
3019 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

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elderbee :  I do agree that nowadays relationships take a lot longer for proposals it seems. I think years together was unheard of back in say, my grandmothers time. Or even my moms! She got married in 1980 and I’m 35. And more often than not, even once a ring is bought, it can take forever for the actual proposal to take place. I knew what I wanted, so did he, and I’m not into grand romantic gestures like that so it didn’t matter how it happened, as long as it did. 

Although I say I’m not into them, but maybe that’s because I never get them. Lol!!!! 

Post # 17
Member
19 posts
Newbee

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aligator90 :  oh boy. I wish there was a one size fits all kind of answer for this question, (no really, I do, it would make the waiting game more predictable – because we type A’s enjoy knowing what and when things happen!!) 

For me, we had only been dating for 5-6 months and he had proposed (without a ring) at month 4, again at month 5, and then on month 6 made a GRAND proposal with my chosen ring and all (he had already asked me what ring styles I like, we had tried some on at a few jewelers, he asked me to send him any links to ones I loved, so that’s what I did!!) 

Well guess what sis, he ended up calling off the engagement and the wedding. This was after a series of fights. Then we got back together, and he says he still wants to marry me, and says he can’t imagine being with anyone else, and that he absolutely wants to get married. We even go a few months and things couldn’t be more perfect, we’re happier, no arguments for months, and we’re looking at houses online and making plans together week after week. I ask him about getting engaged again, to take the next step forward….and he says he won’t want to get engaged again at least for another year, maybe longer – he says he has no idea. 

 

So I’m in the waiting game too and I don’t know the answers. 

Post # 18
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I told my now DH I was ready to get married in March. I was about to move around the world to be with him and was very nervous that once we started living together he would get comfortable and it would never happen (an insecurity that came from a previous relationship of mine). He told me he always had a rule with himself that he would have to live with someone for at least 6 months before he proposed. I was pretty upset about that. I took that to mean he wanted a trial period of sorts and being as I was moving my life for him and didn’t get the convenience of a trial period I was pretty resentful of that. I didn’t talk to him for a week but then ultimately decided it was worth taking the risk.

I moved to be with him in July.

He told me in October he was going to propose. He didn’t give me a timeline of when, but I had a hunch it would be sometime around the holidays as my parents were traveling from overseas to meet his parents for Christmas.

We went ring shopping in early November, and he proposed on Christmas Eve.

Later he told me that he always knew he was going to propose… even when I stopped talking to him for a week because I thought he wasn’t going to. Men can be so DENSE. In his case he had this vision of proposing with both of our families there, and since our families live an ocean away from each other there was only a very small window to make that happen. So when he said we had to wait and live together what he really meant was we’ve got to wait because I’ve got a plan that I don’t want to spoil!

Every situation is different. But once you know, I don’t really see the reason to hold off getting the ball rolling unless you’ve got a super specific proposal in your head like my DH did… Who knows? smile

Post # 19
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

We looked at rings together in February, and were engaged in April. We had probably started talking engagement the November before.

Post # 20
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

We started talking about marriage/starting a family in March of this year (2018), and got engaged in September. During that process we discussed when we wanted to get married & start trying for children, so even though it took 6 months for the proposal it was well within our timeline. My fiance asked for help with ring ideas, I ended up picking every detail and I love it! I wanted a surprise proposal simply because that’s what I wanted, for a lack of a better explaination. However, it has meant more to me that we shared all the steps in this process. It feels like a good start to the rest of our lives. 

Post # 21
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

July 2017 was the first time my guy mentioned rings. He was looking at his sister’s (very large) diamond ring and said, “I hope you’re not expecting one quite that big.” We had only been together 8 months, and the last guy I dated acted like I was nuts for even discussing marriage in vague terms (like saying, “If I ever get married, I’d prefer a smaller wedding.”) after being together nearly two years and living together over a year. So at that point, I wasn’t expecting anything but liked where his head was at. Lol. I told my guy that I definitely was not expecting a ring that large and actually had no interest in a diamond. He asked what I did want, and I went over my unusual list of ring preferences (nothing huge, only like emerald cuts, wanted a sapphire because it’s my birthstone but not a blue or dark colored one). A month later, he asked me again what were all the things I’d said I wanted. I told him but asked, “Do you want me to write this down for you, and then in a year or two, you can have the info, or. . .what’s going on here?” He said, “I was thinking we should start making you your ring.”

I was elated and found my sapphire right away (a gorgeous emerald cut padparadscha sapphire), but I wanted it set in rose gold, and the gem seller only had white gold, yellow, and platinum. It took me a while to figure out what setting I wanted since I liked some more ornate, but I didn’t want the setting to outshine the center stone I’d chosen. Eventually I chose a very simple and dainty rose gold band because I felt like it complimented the ring best and was the most timeless option. The ring was finally set in October. 

My guy had been so excited! He’d been looking all over the internet for what kind of ring he wanted and we were both wearing sizer rings at home to make sure we got the right size. So when he didn’t propose right away, I was a little surprised. I had told him I wanted the proposal to be a surprise, so it made sense that he wa waited a little bit. A month and a half after getting the ring (and 4 months after we officially decided to get the ring made), he proposed. 🙂 Despite me knowing he had the ring, he managed to propose on one of two days that I was absolutely certain he wasn’t going to- the first was Christmas because we both dislike the holiday and it’s so unoriginal for proposals, and the second was a group snowshoe trip. We had two other, private snowshoeing trips planned after that one, and I felt 100% certain he wouldn’t do it when we were with a large group. We were also carpooling with two other people, one being a woman we had never even met before this trip, which added to my certainty that this was not the day. But that’s when he did it! Since we had a couple friends in the group for the snowshoe trip, he’d let one of them in on it, and that friend brought a bottle of champagne so we could have a toast at the mountain. 

Post # 22
Member
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

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aligator90 :  My husband and I discussed marriage early in our relationship. We were dating exactly a year when he proposed. He already knew my ring size just by looking at my fingers. We looked at rings in April of that year and in November he proposed. We got married after 3 years of being together. 

Post # 23
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We had been discussing marriage from just a few months in, and those convos gradually and organically went from more hypothetical (e.g., “do you see yourself getting married some day?”) to more specific about our relationship (“do you see yourself marrying ME some day?”). At around the one year mark, dh got a really amazing job offer halfway across the country and asked me if I’d move with him there. At that point, I told him I would love to, but wouldn’t be comfortable uprooting my life for him without the commitment of being engaged. A couple months after that, he proposed.

Post # 24
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2018

We agreed that we’d like to get married and started looking at rings in maybe March of this year (we’d been together nearly 3 years at that point and had been living together for nearly 2, and were 31/32). Late spring/early summer was busy–his dad had major surgery, I had a full workload at my job–and things were kind of put on the backburner. By late summer things were “heating up” again and he proposed September 1. So, six months or so?

Post # 25
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee

We started talking about marriage quite early in our relationship, and we got engaged at one year together. I guess we had more concrete discussions about when we wanted to become engaged at around 8 or 9 months; at that point we agreed to be engaged within a year, and he only waited a couple months from then. It moved quickly but it felt right to both of us. We didn’t see a point in waiting. 

Post # 26
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Marriage was on ongoing discussion for us from pretty early on. It got a bit more serious after we moved in together, but became the next big step on our trajectory after we bought our house together, so basically since we bought the house is when it turned from “we will get married eventually” to discussing actual timelines and plans.  That was about 2 years ago and we had been dating a year and a half at that point. Got engaged July of this year. Wedding is being planned for January 2021. We had decided we were life partners before we bought our house – we purchased it on the assumption that we were still going to be a couple 15.. 20.. 30 years down the line.

Post # 27
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My husband, then boyfriend, asked me to move in with him when we had been dating for just over a year. We were spending all our time at his place and I was paying rent to my friend and never home. I really dragged my feet because I had lived with a boyfriend twice before and both times it ended horribly (although, in fairness, both times happened out of convenience, not because we thought marriage was the next step). The second time was SO awful that I swore I would never do it again until I was married. (And only then because it would be sort of a necessity).

 

So, when husband asked me, I said I didn’t want to live together before marriage. This was less of a hint for a proposal and more just an honest desire I had to maintain my own space until marriage. Still, he said he would be proposing soon. I can’t remember when we had the conversation, maybe April or May of 2010? I know I gave my friend about 4 weeks notice that I was moving and moved in the beginning of June. We got engaged in July 2010. 

Post # 28
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

We knew from the beginning that we were going to marry, but we got engaged three months after seriously sitting down and discussing it. However, he was in the process of getting ready for military deployment and all that jazz, and we didn’t see each other much in those three months, which is why it took a little longer. If things had been normal and assuming he had already gotten the money together for the ring, I think it would have been sooner. 

Three months was totally fine for me though 🙂 

Post # 29
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

I think we both knew pretty quickly that we’d each found our life partner. Within the first year we talked about marriage but I don’t remember when. We each have complicated family situations so it has taken an understanding that we were moving towards marriage for us to get our ducks in a row to get engaged and take steps towards joining our lives together. He got a ring 7 months ago, it was finished being sized and proposal-ready 6 months ago. He proposed this past weekend while we were celebrating our 2 year anniversary. He and his daughter will move in with my son and I in early 2019. I want to have us all living together for a few months before we get married, but we won’t be having a wedding or anything so there’s no rush to plan things.

Post # 30
Member
4889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We started dating in 2010, and had many chats about getting married. I owned my own condo at the time, and basically told him that I wanted to be engaged before I sold… because it was a big deal. If something didn’t work out, then I had no home (until I found an apt). Well, in 2013 – we had another BIG discussion, and I eventually sold my condo (closed October 2013) and moved in with him.

We looked at rings the end of January 2014, and he actually proposed 2 weeks later! So, 4 months after my condo sold (so then I was helping him pay his bills, as I was still paying my stuff while it was for sale). I thought I was going to wait forever, TBH. He always talked about this “5 year plan”, and I thought that was crazy for our ages (in our 30’s). Plus, we only went to look at rings once and wanted to check out a few other places (although had found my perfect one at the first place). We got married October 2014.

I woudn’t put pressure on getting engaged. Let it happen, because it will when the time is right.

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