(Closed) How long after my sister's wedding do I have to wait to plan my own??!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d give a 2 month buffer.  But that is more for your guests convenience than your sister’s.  Weddings can be expensive for all parties invovled and you don’t want to have to force your guests to choose between your sister’s wedding and yours or cause any sort of financial issues.


Post # 5
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Personally, that’s plenty of time, especially if you have already done so much for hers and yours is going to be smaller.


We’re getting married 2 months after my SO’s brother. We are expecting it to ruffle a few feathers, but really, she gets her day and you get yours. I think it’s nice to give a few weeks buffer, and you’re doing that. You also aren’t expecting her to jump in to planning your wedding. You shouldn’t be expected to put your life on hold for a year and a half for some mythical thing called thunder that I am still not even sure what it is, even after reading about it on this board all the time!

Go for it!

Edit: Hold up, she said you shouldn’t tell anybody about your wedding until after hers is over? How old is she, 12? That’s a little off the wall if you ask me. Nobody’s going to be accidentally celebrating your wedding at hers. That’s ridiculous.


Post # 6
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CaroBee:  +1.

I think waiting a couple of months is plenty of time. Some brides have it in their heads that the entire year should be wedding free aside from theirs, and that is just crazy to me!

Your sister gets one day. If she gets mad because you choose to marry the man you’ve been with for over 3 years a couple months after her wedding, she is in the wrong, not you.

Post # 7
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Mrs_Sailor:  First of all, you are being so freaking sweet.

Second of all ” couldn’t care less ” Thank you. Thank you so much. That is the correct and amazing way to say that phrase.


Judging by what you’ve written, I honestly think whatever decision you make will be the right one. She’s being a bit odd. I just want you to make sure you have enough time to plan yours and to make sure she’s not still trying to hog the spotlight after 2 months.

Post # 10
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

November sounds great!

Post # 12
3229 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrs_Sailor:  Seems fine to me.

I am understanding this correctly? You cannot mention your wedding until after hers? Wow, how inconsiderate of her! Are you supposed to secretly send invitations? She only gets one day!

Post # 13
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you’re being so considerate to your sister, but you need to start putting your foot down a little bit so she doesn’t take advantage of it. Make sure you take time for your own plans as well!

Have your wedding in November, because that’s what you want. What does it matter when she wants your wedding to be? That’s not under her control.

The only thing I would do if I were you? Don’t talk to her about your wedding until hers is over. I think what she kind of meant by “don’t tell anyone,” was “don’t tell me.”
Even though that may not be very fair, I think it’s a good way to avoid drama if she needs to have first dibs, so to speak. It makes it easier with your low-key wedding, it shouldn’t consume your life in a way that you can’t stop talking about it 🙂

Post # 14
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Start planning it because you don’t want to be rushed if you wait until after her wedding, but don’t make too much of a fuss about it to her… UNTIL she’s back from her honeymoon and then you can talk as much as you want about your wedding! 🙂

Post # 16
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@Mrs_Sailor:  People get a wedding day, not a wedding year.  Anything extra done for you above and beyond that one day should be seen as a blessing and bonus, and should not be expected. That said, your buffer is more than long enough.  It’s unfair for you to have to keep delaying your life and dreams to appease your sister.  You have been gracious in allowing her to have whatever spotlight and attention she needs.   Go ahead with your November wedding!

This year in my family, my brother is getting married in June in Orlando, my cousin is getting married in November in Chicago, and I am getting married in Maui in January. My cousin got engaged a few days after I did and is having her wedding first.  I am elated for her, but would never change my plans for her and she would never ask me to. Only our closest family members will be invited to all three weddings, and that’s maybe 20 or so people.  I have 5 siblings, so my siblings and their dates/ spouses are half of those 20 people, and they are all excited about the weddings/vacations.  Also, rather than extended family being put off by three family weddings in one year, I am finding people want to go to all three, and those who didn’t make my guest list keep inviting themselves. Once people hear through the grapevine that my wedding is at the Ritz-Carlton in Maui, they drop hints that they’d love to go to Maui. I just politely reply that we are keeping it intimate and change the subject. 

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