(Closed) How long after my sister's wedding do I have to wait to plan my own??!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrs_Sailor:  Your sister gets a day.  Not a year, not a season. 

I think to avoid family drama it would probably be a good idea to have your wedding after your sister’s but you’re not required to do so and you don’t have to wait a set minimum of time.  I think a month or two is plenty. 

This whole thing about spotlight stealing is absurd.  Lots of weddings happen when people are in their 20’s and 30’s.  If everyone felt they had to wait six months or a year between everyone else’s wedding precious few people would be getting married. 

If you’re around the same age, this is what happens.  Everyone needs to be adults and deal.

Post # 18
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

A month or so, allowing guests time to come down from the wedding, save up money so they can go to yours.

Remind your sister she gets one day. Not a week, a month, a year. You get one day as well.

You can have your wedding whenever, but I think a month is appropriate for the guests to recoup.

Post # 20
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Mrs_Sailor:  Sounds fine to me, just as long as guests have a chance to recoup. Weddings are expensive for everyone, but I’d say 6 weeks is a good break.

Post # 21
286 posts
Helper bee

I think that’s totally fine, my only worry would be will you be able to plan your wedding while doing so much for hers?

Like PP’s have said, she gets a day. Your guests get all of October without a wedding, I personally think she needs to deal with it.

It sounds like your weddings are going to be totally different, so it’s not like you’d be “stealing her ideas” or anything.

Also, if it helps, I think a September wedding will have a different feel entirely to a November wedding.

Basically, go for it. You’re allowed to be happy and have your wedding when you want, if she throws a fit, she needs to grow up. You could reassure her that you wont bring up your wedding at hers if that’ll help…

Post # 22
1451 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Mrs_Sailor:  Plan your wedding! Don’t worry about your sister. It seems that she only cares about what is going on in her life.  People at her wedding will more than likely ask you how your plans are going if they know you are engaged, like family.  Tell them.  My sister is getting married 2 months before me. I love that we can talk about planning and all that with eachother.  Its money stressful for both of us since we are in eachother weddings and live 5 states away.  But me being at her wedding all engaged and whatnot will not take attention away from her.  Your sister sounds like an attention thief, shes trying to make everything about her saying you cant tell anyone about your wedding.  Thats not fair. 

Post # 23
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think that sounds fine, but an easier thing to do would be to ask her. 

Post # 24
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

As long as your wedding is after hers she can’t really complain about you stealing her thunder. Once her day is over her time in the spotlight is over. If she’s getting married in September I think you are fine to marry in November.

Post # 25
67 posts
Worker bee

This- “Your sister gets one day. If she gets mad because you choose to marry the man you’ve been with for over 3 years a couple months after her wedding, she is in the wrong, not you.”

You can begin planning your wedding whenever you want to, regardless of who is getting married in your circle.  You and your Fiance plan your wedding, your sister and her Fiance plan theirs.

As far as what date to set for your won wedding, that shouldn’t have anything to do with your sister either, aside from not choosing the exact same date 😉  However, I would take care to try and ensure the date you choose works for all the VIP’s you want to share your wedding day with.

That being said, don’t just arbitrarily set a date.  Confirm availability of dates with your ceremony site, reception venue, and possibly some VIPs, and THEN you set a date.  I see too many brides getting engaged and then just picking a date out of te air, then really stressing because their dream reception site is booked for that date already, etc.

Fiance and I became engaged last June and began planning an October 2014 wedding. . . his sister became engaged last December and began planning an October 2013 wedding.  Do I care that she became engaged after me and is getting married in the same month a year before me?  No way!  Weddings aren’t contests and ours will be completley different.  We have been having fun and helping each other out.

Post # 26
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My fiance and I got engaged after dating for 5 years. My sister got engaged a few months after us (we had already picked our date). I asked for a week before (while we’ll be crazy finishing up details) and a week after (honeymoon). Our parents asked for a month buffer. She chose a date almost 2 months before mine, which will be great.

Some things that have made it easierfor us to have weddings close together:

  1. We’re having polar opposite weddings. Hers is huge (350-400 invited) and formal with a short, light hors d’eouvres and cake reception. Ours is still big (230 invited), but casual and with a whole weekend of meals/activities.
  2. Neither of us are big “must be in the spotlight” people, so it’s not been an attention war.
  3. We’re each paying for the majority of wedding costs ourselves (not our parents)
  4. The family members that are attending both are mostly local and the farthest is a couple hour drive.
  5. I couldn’t care less that she’s younger and technically getting married first.

All that being said. If your sister is being obviously hostile about this whole thing then you have to figure otu priorities – getting your wedding early or not pissing off your sister? You know her better than us, so you’ll know just how pissed off she’ll be or if she’s huff and puff and then get over it.

Post # 27
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

As far as I’m concerned you can have your wedding the day after hers. This notion that you have to put off your life so someone else can live theirs is silly to me. She gets a day, not a month or a year.


Post # 29
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My brother and I are getting married 3 months apart from each other; I am June 29th, he is Sept. 28th. Honestly, it has been totally fine! When they told me their date I was super excited! I think 2 months is fine too, any shorter I think would’ve been a little too close, only for reasons concerning the guests: weddings can have a lot of events as we all know- showers, bachelorette, rehearsal…it can def be a lot of commitments for family with these dates and not to mention expenses! I have not had any problems at all in my experience with our planning, so I think you will be fine. That’s very considerate of you!  

Post # 31
286 posts
Helper bee

@Mrs_Sailor:  Then she has totally no reason to complain at all! Go for it! =D

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