Post # 17
My absolute deadline is rather hard to determine since BF will be going into the military this fall. Ill probably set deadline a few months after he gets back from basic training as a starting point (he will have plenty of cash after this for a ring, let alone he has gone without seeing me or talking to me for 2 months, and i will NOT move anywhere without a ring and date and he knows that!),but who knows what will happen after that..it sucks not knowing what will happen in my own life..military life is unpredictable!
Post # 18
I expected it w/in a year after college graduation, but that time came and went. But it was understandable b/c of sudden $ issues. Almost a year later and it will be here on the 2 year post-grad mark. I’d wait another year I guess, but then enough is enough.
Post # 19
I said I wantred to be engaged before my 26th birthday (which would be 4 years of dating)
Post # 20
I’m going to have to agree with StephinPA.. I dont really feel as if there should be a time contraint on when your SO will pop the question.. my guy finally popped the question 8.5 years into the relationship.. we’re planning our wedding for this November. However, with that being said, if we were to roll around to the 10 year mark and nothing has happened, I would have seriously had to rethink the situation. But throughout the years, my Fiance and I have spoken about marriage and the future, so I guess I could say that it was just a matter of time.
Post # 21
I’ve been waiting for years. I was kind of wishing that it would’ve happened last week on our vacation, but no-go. I mean I like our situation now. We have been together goin on 6 years (this month), living together for 4.5 years, moved across country with each and back, have cars, credit cards & a house together.
So if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen..I know we are in the long haul for this. It would be nice to plan something and make it “legal”..but we are in MA, so after a few more years of living together, we can claim each other as “common wife/husband” LOL.
But I’m not setting a time-frame, he’s not either. We both said from the beginning of the relationship, when it happens…it happens. I think the biggest issue I have is with everyone else giving us the stink-eye when we say that we’ve been together for so long and theres no engagement/wedding date planned.
Post # 22
I think setting a timeline is based on the individual couple. Personally, I feel as if I need one….. Not all couples do! My timeline is this August… that is when our lease expires. I have told him that if we are not engaged by then I will find my own place. I don’t consider it an ultimatum. I would never want to pressure my dude into proposing to me if he is not ready. BUT I have been ready for about 2 years now, and if he is not ready, then I need to move on. I love him to pieces and we have been together for almost 5 years, but marriage is very important to me. If he’s not ready that’s fine… but I’m not going to give up on the things that are important to me or wait for an indefinite amount of time because he isn’t ready to move forward. (also man… I’m not getting any younger 😉 )
Post # 23
I rarely venture over to waiting world, as I’m less than 5 months away from the wedding, but I thought I would speak to this one.
I would not have waited forever. Nope. Love Fiance to death, but if he wasn’t willing to, I knew I could find someone else who was willing to make a life long commitment to me. After 5 years of dating, total financial readiness, etc., I gave him a deadline. If he hadn’t proposed by then, I would have walked. Probably taken a certain body part with me (jk), but we all deserve to be with someone who wants the same things that we do, and if marriage is one of those things and the practicals are in place, there is an outer limit, IMO. For me at least.
Post # 24
My ideal was around the 3 year mark, although in the end it was at almost 4. I think what made him propose was that I was not going to move to a different country where he was starting school- leaving work/family/friends, unless we were to become family officially- i.e. married. Generally though I think it really depends on the couple. In our case I knew that we were in it for the long haul but Fiance has a tendency to leave things to the last minute- and he did in this case too, just weeks before he was going to move we got engaged.
Post # 25
Since I know its happening soon I no longer have a timeline but I told him when we first started dating if he didnt propose within the year and 1/2 mark.. I was done.
Post # 26
I think it really depends on the needs of the individual couple. My Fiance and I knew we were going to get married, we’d even set the date and told our families, but he hadn’t actually gotten the ring yet. I was a bit impatient, and told him I’d really like to have it by our anniversary; he didn’t meet the ‘deadline’ and told me right up front so I wouldn’t get mad – instead we went out and he let me CHOOSE the ring of my dreams.
Our situation might be a little different… he is my ex-husband and I’ve know him for 14 years…
A story for another day!
Post # 27
i don’t have a firm timeline. we’ve been together 5 years so far. i’d wait for him because i know we really want to get married. we’re just waiting for our current situation to line up so we can get married. we would have married years ago if we could have. i know he doesn’t like the idea of being together so long and not being married or even in the same state so i know that as soon as he’s able to, we will get engaged.
Post # 28
I’ve been with my guy for almost 6 years. I’ve only really been waiting for 2-3 years though. I wasn’t ready of looking to marry before then. 2-3 years of waiting is about my limit though and I’ve let him know. I’m not sure I’d wait a 4th year. At our age, at the place we’re at at our relationship if he doesn’t know now he never will, and I do want to get married and have a family. Those two things don’t really play well together.
Post # 29
It really depends.
It depends on you, on him, you two as a couple. Your maturity level. Your financial level. Outside situations come into play as well.
When we got engaged Fiance and I had been dating for a little over 8 years. But there were lots of outside reasons that made US wait as a couple to get engaged. If it weren’t for those outside reasons we are both fairly certain that by now we would have been married for a couple years with 1 or possibly 2 kids already. But hey, that is life, right?
But. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t anxious to get engaged!! The smart side of me said i know why we are waiting. The romantic side went “WHY AREN’T WE ENGAGED YET!”. Hehe. At the end of the day we are both really glad we waited because of those outside reasons.
On the flip side. I know someone who just had her 10 year dating anniversary with her boyfriend. They have talked about marriage for years. He keeps telling her he will propose when he’s ready. When he has money for a ring. Oh he’s saving money for a bigger ring that he knows she will like. Oh we can’t get engaged this year because so many other people are getting married. To me, it sounds like he is just stringing her on. I don’t know their personal relationship so I don’t know what the real story is. But knowing how much the girl wants marriage I feel like in that case the guy is perfectly comfortable with where the relationship is and doesn’t want to do anything to change it. Because he doesn’t want to make the extra effort. I feel like if the girl is fine with it then great. But she’s not. In that case I think she should have put down a ultimatum long ago. And oh there’s absolutely no reason whatsoever they should not be engaged already.
Post # 30
It’s a tough situation! I asked the BF last summer (right around our 3 year anniversary) and I was like sooo how long do you think it’ll be until you’re ready to get engaged? He said 3 years and I wanted to throw up! I discussed
it with him and he wanted to be financially secure before marrying me etc. We talked it out (staying calm most of the time!) and we decided that if we got engaged in 2 years or less, it would be better. We also decided we’d like to marry in August 2012 (so weird picking a month/year before the ring!). Having that timeframe in mind helps me stay sane but gosh I hope it is this summer so I can officially start planning.
Having said all of that… if it doesn’t happen in 2 years (I am going to explode) and we will have to have a serious talk. If he doesn’t have a VERY good reason for not proposing by then, I’ll have to re-evaluate things.
Post # 31
Because someone shouldn’t spend decades in a seriously unequal relationship. If one party is ready to commit and wants to commit and the other party doesn’t… that can last for a little while IMO as they get to know each other better etc. but it is not a good long term situation. I am not willing and have never been willing to be with someone to whom I am more committed than they are to me.
On the other hand if I had been with a different guy we wouldn’t be getting married so soon and I can easily envision me as part of a couple that wasn’t married by 10 years time. And that would be just fine.
The difference is that in that relationship I wouldn’t be craving the commitment – I’d have to feel as if I already had a commitment equal to my own. Or maybe with a different guy a more independant relationship would have worked. But with Fiance we want to be a family.
I don’t buy the idea that a guy truly commited would refuse to get married – that just makes no sense. Unless he is a radical feminist – which most guys aren’t. I might be sceptical about a lot of thing involving the institution of marriage but hey the man I love asked so I’m getting married, because I want to commit to him.