Post # 32
I have been waiting 4 1/2 years, I would have done it around the 2 year mark but I’m glad we waited since we’ve both done a lot of growing in those years. I’m in my mid 20’s and he’s in his early 30’s we live together and are very happy. Even though I am antsy I would wait till whenever because I love him and want to be with him- married or not.
However, we both talk about it seriously and I would be uspet if it didnt happen in the next two years just because he promised it would be soon. That would bring up other trust issues if he didnt follow through. I think its different for every couple but we dont want children so there isnt a huge rush. I could see a girl who wants children putting a timeline out there and I think thats justified. I think the reason its been so long is strictly financial- we’ve been going to Europe every summer and we are taking a break this year so we (aka he) can save money.
Post # 33
@arachna – I completely agree with you which is why i stated that both people in the relationship need to be on the same page, etc with marriage.
Post # 34
I think it’s hard to put an arbitrary timeframe on something like this. As long as things are still moving in a direction that the both of us are happy with I’ll be ok. We’ve been together for more than 3 years and I would expect it’ll be another 2 before anything happens. After that point I think it’d be pushing it, but it’s hard to say how I’ll feel then (or if I’ll become impatient before then!).
Despite the amount of time I spend on Weddingbee I’m actually not in a hurry to get married. But weddings and marriage…those are two very different things! 😀
Post # 35
he told me after 5 years togther, we’d be married. we are now broaching in on 7 YEARS and still no ring. i gave him the very firm deadline of before my 25th birthday (as it stands today, he has 7 days. only 7 days) i have a feeling im going to be breaking it off within a week. i also told him dont you dare propose on my birthday. my 25th is a big deal to me and i dont want either an engagement to overshadow it, or vise versa. i gave him the deadline in january, so he’s had more than enough time to get his poop in a group, and frankly if, after 7 years togther, he’s still unsure, then its never going to happen. i refuse to waste 7 years building towards nothing.
Post # 36
@lilred0409: im sure youll be getting a proposal in the next 6 days 🙂 do keep us updated, bee 🙂
@op originally I had said 2 yrs… but due to unfortunate circumstances, it looks like it’s gonna be 3… that’s my abslolute max though!
Post # 37
This is a very subjective question, in which my answer could abruptly change without notice – particularly if he is in the dog-house.
However even with that being said, I definitely understand your feelings OP regarding the 3 year mark.
Post # 38
Disclaimer : I’m am old married woman (MOB) of over 30 years and if I was widowed or divorced at this point it might not suit me to remarry at all, although I would eventually want some sort of romantic relationship again.
However, if I was with someone I wanted to marry I would not want to wait for much more than 3 years for him to catch up with me and that would certainly have been even more true in my 20s and 30s.
I have to admit I do have a bit of trouble with the ‘painfully waiting for him to propose’ diffidence I see so much of on this forum. I’d have no problem with doing the present day equivalent of asking my loved one what his long term intentions were towards me.
I’d do that once and judge from his reaction whether he was just in a happy holding pattern where he needed only a little nudge to get out of it or if he really didn’t feel I was more than a place-holder in his life for an indeterminate time.
Aside for a FWB I have absolutely no interest in being with a man who only has tepid feelings for me. If he isn’t ardent and committed (when I want him to be) then he’s not worth wasting my precious time on. But I’ve been spoilt by being with a darling of a man who has truly cherished me our whole married life. That’s the way it should be and I’d never accept less than that now, just as I instinctively didn’t way back when we fell in love.
I would always live with a potential husband but I wouldn’t have bought property without a marriage date in the near future, or had a child with him without being married.
Post # 39
@CuteLittleBuzzingBee: I waited 10 years and then he called it off. So next time It will be much less.
Post # 40
I would start thinking seriously about what is right for me if things did not seem to be progressing in the direction I wanted them to after a few years. Now to me that doesn’t necessarily mean engagement, but evolution of a relationship is important to me.
@lilred0409: Have you two talked about marriage? What did he say? I sincerely hope you get your proposal!
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I hope that you are able to heal and find someone who cherishes you and would not let you go for anything.
Post # 41
@Tainui: I can see waiting no more than 3 years in the mid to late 20’s and 30’s, however would you think this applies even to people in their early 20’s? I feel like it wouldn’t, as this is a period in life when people are still developing rapidly and have a lot of growing to do.
Then again, I am a believer that people should wait until their mid-twenties to marry, at the earliest.
Post # 42
I can see waiting no more than 3 years in the mid to late 20’s and 30’s, however would you think this applies even to people in their early 20’s? I feel like it wouldn’t, as this is a period in life when people are still developing rapidly and have a lot of growing to do.
No, not necessarily, and I do agree with you in principle, especially nowadays when so many young people are in an extended transition state to adulthood, due to their study situation or the economy preventing them from being able to support themselves without help.
That said, there are still plenty of early 20s people who are mature enough to commit to marriage. It’s very bad luck for them if they happen to be in love with someone who, wonderful as they might be in all other respects, is not the slightest bit interested in rushing to that phase of their lives.
I do believe good timing is just as important as shared values, sexual compatibility and a deep friendship are to a successful long term relationship. The lack of any one could be a deal breaker and there’s no fault to be laid on either party, they are just not in synch enough.
Post # 43
@Tainui: I do believe good timing is just as important as shared values, sexual compatibility and a deep friendship are to a successful long term relationship. The lack of any one could be a deal breaker and there’s no fault to be laid on either party, they are just not in synch enough.
I agree, I think timing certainly has an important role to play in how two people end up together.
Post # 44
I think it largely depends on the couple. We were together 7.5 years before getting engaged. We started dating in our final year at high school (me 18, him 17) and then there was university for him (law school) and a gap year followed by university for me. We had a lot of growing up to do. We didn’t get engaged straight after varsity either. I did another qualification and finally got a full time job in my field, he had to do 2years Law Articles as well as bar exams. So I knew even though we had been talking about marriage for years it would be when we’re in the right financial position to do so. And although we initially were thinking 2013 would be the year we’d get married, because getting a posion for his articles took longer than expected and the first round at bar exams didn’t go so great, I understood that we’d wait a bit. He needed to feel in a position where he could contribute significantly (even though it didn’t really matter to me because we were emotionally ready). Got engaged Oct 2012 and getting married Feb 2014. Did it take longer than I thought? Yes. But life happens, and all we can do is make sure we do the best for each other.
Post # 45
@futurebridetobee: WELL. proposal never happened.
Post # 46
@MissMarple: we have talked extensively about marriage. we talked about it a lot the first two or three years we were together. but now it feels like hes just content leaving things the way they are, with no follow through on his end. hes actually given me four propasal deadlines- like dates he’s set that he’d have proposed by, and thyev all come and gone. ive literally given him a firm deadline, and i indend on sticking to my guns. dont keep telling me you’ll do it, and make excuses when the time comes, either do it, or dont. dont string me along on promises it’ll happen. because so far, four promises broken. 🙁