(Closed) How long are you willing to wait for a proposal from your BF?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
6518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CuteLittleBuzzingBee:  I think that as long as both people in the relationship are on the same page about where the relationship is going, there shouldn’t be a timeframe as to when the SO should propose. There should be trust in the relationship that he will propose when the time is right. 

My DH proposed when we were together for 8 years. We got married on our 10 year anniversary. It seems long but we met when we were very young and not everyone is as lucky as we to have met the love of our life at such a young age. 

I can’t stand when women give ultimatums like “if you don’t propose by X, I am leaving” its not fair. 

Post # 48
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Before I was engaged, I decided that I would never wait longer than 6 months for a proposal after I decided that I was ready to get engaged.

Once I reached the age where I decided I was looking for the man I wanted to marry rather than just dating for fun, I also decided I’d never date someone for an entire year if we weren’t headed for marriage, because I knew I personally would feel immense regret and resentment if I felt I’d wasted YEARS of my adult life on someone I wasn’t going to marry.

This was actually something I mentioned to guys on our second or third date– funnily enough, it never scared anyone off! But it also never came up seriously, because I didn’t get serious with anyone post-college until I met Fiance.

If I had really been in love with someone but we weren’t moving towards marriage within my timeframe, I hope I would have stuck to my intentions and left, but thankfully it never came up so I guess I’ll never know!

Post # 49
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@lilred0409:  Is he also 24? Because 24 tends to be pretty young for guys to propose. 

And why does he keep setting proposal deadlines if he’s not going to follow through??

I’m sorry your proposal didn’t come yet. 🙁

Post # 50
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We’re married now, but I waited just shy of 9 years. We had lived together for 7 of those, and our DD was 5yo by that time. For the longest time I held a lot of resentment for it, but he had his reasons (mostly financial). We had talked about marriage since very early on, he gave me a promise ring after 9 months, and we talked more seriously about marriage by year 3… just before I found out we were expecting. It turns out after moving in together and having our DD that he considered us married (in his mind), and didn’t think actually getting married would change anything. It hasn’t, but I’m glad he finally opened his eyes and realized it needed to happen.

Post # 51
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I’m 27 (28 in March) and when I was 20, 21, I always imagined I’d date my SO for 2ish years, get engaged, marry a year later, then have kids 2-3 years later, etc. just like the cliches. But as I’ve gotten olden, I’ve realized that you can’t plan things like this. Life doesn’t go according to plan. The world is changing. The economy is bad. Jobs and salaries aren’t as great at they once were. People get advanced degrees (i.e. loans!), they want to travel, be financially independent, etc.

My SO and I have been dating 3 years, 10 months, and 19 days lol. I will be totally honest, I was really upset when we hit the 2.5, then 3, then 3.5 mark with no engagement. I thought of ending the relationship because I was just mad. I didn’t want to be the girl people asked, “What’s taking so long?” or be told, “FINALLY!” when he proposed. But you know, for he and I, we are right where we need to be. We have advanced degrees (I have a masters and he’s a doc), I wanted to pay off $50k in grad school loans, I bought and remodeled a house, he wanted to get a head start on loans, save up for a good ring, save up for life in general, and find the right job.

An engagement is coming any day now, literally, and I’m so excited. Thinking back to our 2.5, 3, etc. year anni’s, we weren’t ready (and I was immature for being so mad)! NOW is the right time for us. So if you’re having doubts as to IF it will happen, I suggest having a true heart to heart. Make sure you’re truly on the same page. For my SO and I, it hasn’t been a matter of IF, but rather WHEN. If I didn’t know if he would ever propose, that’d be a different story.

 

Post # 52
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t have a timeline or a walk date/how long I’m willing to wait.  I did have these things when I first joined this site.  Then I talked to my SO and the timing is variable-SO wants to graduate, we are relocating out of state together, and then it will happen.  He was supposed to graduate last December–and it’s been pushed back for many different reasons.

It’s impossible for me to say ‘It has to happen in a year’ because if he hasn’t graduated yet still, then it’s not going to happen.

This is getting long but 2014 for me is about letting go of the stress and anxiety about the future.  Since I’ve started focusing on the great relationship I have with my guy, things have changed dramatically for us, and I hope that it will for those of you anxious/worried-about-the-future bees as well.  Hang in there! 

Post # 53
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

I will never walk due to no proposal.

My SO is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him very much. We have a lovely life and (gasp!) a baby on the way.

He is also divorced and has a very horrible view of what marriage is. He has told me I am the only reason why he is considering getting married again and ultimately he would like to have a married life with me, but the divorce is still too fresh. He is aware that it is important to me and that I have not had the same wedding/marriage experiences that he has had and he understands where I come from.

At this point that is good enough for me. I have expressed the desire to get married before our second child, but I would not walk if it were not the case.

I have a wonderful, genuine, 100% committed man who is SO excited for our baby to come and start our family… that’s better than a lot of married couples I know, and I cannot ask for anymore than that.

Post # 54
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Of course, I have an idea of when I want to be married, but to be realistic I have to know when WE (SO and I) want to be married. I would have liked to have been enagaged this winter, I feel like I am ready and committed. But SO thought this year wasnt good time. SO just moved here and started a new job a year ago. This has also been our first year in the same state, so a lot of change! We needed to get settled and get comfortable seeing each other day instead of every 2-3 months (we were long distance). So many factors go into being married, and I don’t feel like me having a personal timeline is fair because I am not marrying myself. I brought my thoughts to SO and then he told me his, and we came up with something that works for the both of us. I feel like that is a little more fair to him, since he has to have a say as well. We decided that 2014-2015 would be a good time, we would be comfortable with everything and both ready for the next step.

Post # 55
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

I would say about 12 years or so but I would never want to live without him.  I would prefer to ideally get engaged around our 8 year anniversary and married at about our 10 year anniversary.  As SO says if we can make it for 10 years then we should be able to make it the next 50

Post # 56
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I think after about 4 years or so.  We’ve been dating 2 full years, and living together almost one.  We’ve had a lot of change recently also – with me moving states, us moving in together, me having a new job, and me getting a bad hand injury so right now is not our time.  Even though, I am kind of ready.  He still has to meet my family that lives on the other side of the country which will happen in the summer, and I have been married before so I’m in no rush to the alter so to speak.  Honestly, I just want us to be happy, and I really want to get it right the next time.

Post # 57
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

My current timeline is August for numerous personal reasons. No proposal by then and I will move out. We’ve been together for 10 years (high school sweethearts) and I’m ready to move forward. In his defense I did not want to be engaged for most of those 10 years because of our ages, but I have wanted to be engaged and get married for a while now and he’s warmed up to it also.

Post # 58
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

For me, it would be very important to get married before I have to worry about having kids.  I wouldn’t want to have kids with someone who wasn’t willing to marry me. I waited a long time for my fiance to be ready to get married, but we started dating very young.  If we started dating at 35, I would have had a highly accellerated schedule.

Post # 58
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I completely know this feeling of waiting all too well.  Personally, I had struggled with thinking about giving him a timeline because I waited for 11 years.  We’ve been together since 18 so I didn’t feel the engagement itch till about 4 years ago.  Luckily, he just proposed so my wait was well worth it.

Depending on age and your life situation, I say wait it out until the relationship doesn’t feel like you are on the same page and then ask for a deadline.

Post # 59
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

View original reply
CuteLittleBuzzingBee: <br /> Hi, I’m the same. On 10th May I will have been with my partner for 5 years.<br />I think it depends where you both are. Everyone has different values and opinions; it use to be you marry then have sex and live together. For me it is importnat to live together then get married.<br /><br /> My partner and I met while I was working p/t and in education. During the summer holidays we spent a good few months together and then officially were boyfriend and girlfriend. Then for 4 years were travelled to each other at the weekends while he was at uni and I was in sixth form, then when he was working in another city and I was at uni. So we have had time apart, time together and an adventurous life style; meals out, visiting new places. We have even been on holiday 3 times; one with his family. Why I mention these things is because I believe you need a variety of situations to get to know each other well, good times and bad. <br /><br />For 2 of those years I lived with his parents while he was working away; we have such a close relationship that his family are just like mine. It’s always a bonus when you get on with the other half’s family. <br /><br />So last year having been together 4 years when we could finally move in together; I finished uni, we did. It was fantastic. When he recieved a job else where I quit mine to move 5 hours down south. It showed a big commitment to him and how much he means to me. <br /><br />Now he is always affectionate, kisses me and tells me he loves me everyday. He says he wants to marry me, that he wants kids a future together. We have even discussed a seating plan, theme and he’s aware I have looked at venues. He understands its my way to show him I love him as it’s important to him that HE proposes to me and asks my dads permission. Now coming up 5 years I am like you. I call him my partner because he is more than a boyfriend. I just wanna get engaged. There has been ample opportunity to; perfect setting like a picnic we went on or walk. This easter (tomorrow) we are going back home. My amazing fella is going to surprise my dad and get him to drive his new sports car; he’s insured my dad on it. I can’t help but think. Wow, a perfect time for him to ask for his permission…when he’s not driving I mean!<br />And then maybe on the 10th next month he’ll ask me. I will be so disappointed if he doesn’t. <br /><br />I love him to bits as you do your fella, I say hold in there. Long as you talk to him about what you want, and you made it clear you wanna get married. And make sure he wants the same. The waiting is frustrating I know! x

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